Three Hours Is All It Takes

In the never ending saga of bar associations trying desperately to put on a program that will attract the scarce free cash of lawyers in a poor economic climate, combined with the trend of idle hands believing that there’s money to be made by defending the devil, the New York City Bar Association is offering a three hour CLE for a mere $205 on a subject near and dear:

YOU DON’T PRACTICE CRIMINAL LAW &

YOU GET THAT MIDNIGHT PHONE CALL…

NEW YORK CRIMINAL PRACTICE 101

Who is this program for?

If you haven’t thought about criminal law since you were required to take it in law school,what can you expect to encounter when a client calls you in the middle of the night about a criminal matter? What questions do you ask? How do you counsel your client? What should you do—or not do? This program is a must for any attorney unfamiliar with the practice of criminal law.Find out everything you need to do to preserve the rights of your client (whether dealing with a minor problem or a serious matter) from the first minute your telephone rings.

Not ready to hand over your credit card yet?  Consider the expertise of the program chair:

Frank R.Dudis 
Deputy Bureau Chief
Kings County District Attorney’s Office
Investigations Bureau/Public Assistance Crimes Unit

Who better to teach how to defend an accused than a prosecutor? Talk about an insider, and as we all know, it’s all about being an insider, with the little wink and nod as the backroom deal is cut.

The program covers everything from the initial phone call through disposition.  Trial isn’t mentioned in the program, but collateral consequences are.  And there’s even a Q&A period before your three hours are up.  Imagine, a mere three hours of your life and you can then confidently represent individuals accused of crimes, who may spend many years, perhaps even their life, in prison should things not go well.  Is this a great program or what?

There is a perception amongst civil lawyers that criminal law is sexy, and compared with what they do, it is.  There’s a perception that criminals are worthless, so they have few qualms about trying to take every penny they can grab.  Heck, it’s almost a duty to redistribute money from the bad guys to the good, and they are most assuredly the good guys.  Remember, in the world of civil litigation, it’s only about money.  No one’s life is on the line, and the only question is how big a pie will provide their third.  With that in mind, and business slow, the notion of passing up the midnight phone call (perhaps with the knowledge that two-thirds of the pie remains in their escrow account) or handing it off so someone else can make a fee is just, well, ridiculous.

It’s one thing to disabuse civil litigators who think they can pretend to be criminal defense lawyers by feigning a swagger and a sneer, but it’s another altogether to have bar associations place their imprimatur on the idea.  Who came up with the idea that a three hour tour course makes someone competent to defend a human being accused of a crime?  Brilliant and idiotic at the same time.

As a public service, I will teach that course in seven seconds.  What to do if you don’t practice criminal law and you get that midnight phone call?

Immediately refer the case to a competent criminal defense lawyer, then go back to sleep.

That ought to be worth 1 CLE credit in ethics.

H/T Andrew Lavoott Bluestone at New York Attorney Malpractice Blog.

14 thoughts on “Three Hours Is All It Takes

  1. Brian Gurwitz

    Add 13 seconds to your course, letting the civil attorneys know you’ll give them a 25% referral fee for every client they send your way. Then they won’t leave your course nearly as disappointed as they otherwise would have. They’ll be rich and the clients won’t be screwed. AND, the civil attorneys will have more time to develop other worthy skills to boost their income – e.g., becoming social media consultants.

  2. SHG

    Civil guys can’t think in terms of 25%; it’s a third or nothing.

    Every notice that all civil settlements are divisible by three? 

  3. BRIAN TANNEBAUM

    Heh. About 10 years ago I organized a one hour lunch seminar called “What every civil lawyer needs to know about criminal law.” It was a general overview that would allow civil lawyers to better converse at cocktail parties, and enough information to convince the attendees of what you say – call a criminal lawyer.

  4. Brian Gurwitz

    Brian T: Forget Greenfield’s question. I want to know how many referrals you got out of the lunch. Also: if the answer is anything more than zero, please send me the syllabus. Thank you in advance.

  5. Jamie

    Hey don’t be so hard on yourself. Some folks are quick learners, others aren’t.

    Just because it took you a couple of decades to figure this criminal defense shit out doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t pick it up at a CLE.

  6. Josh King

    Scott, the instances where a business lawyer gets a call like this are often tied up with a civil matter or a long-time client. There are preliminary niceties that will be rote to experienced criminal defense lawyers but not to civil practitioners.

    If the course is directed at navigating from that “midnight phone call” to a successful handoff of the representation to someone who knows what the hell he’s doing, how to select that person, and the considerations to keep in mind relating to how the criminal matter might effect an ongoing civil matter, it could be a really good course.

  7. SHG

    Scott, the instances where a business lawyer gets a call like this are often tied up with a civil matter or a long-time client. There are preliminary niceties that will be rote to experienced criminal defense lawyers but not to civil practitioners.

    Thank you for telling me this.  I would never have known that but for your saying so. How fortunate that you told me, and to have non-criminal lawyers explain how criminal defendants seek legal help after an arrest. 

    If the course is directed at navigating from that “midnight phone call” to a successful handoff of the representation to someone who knows what the hell he’s doing, how to select that person, and the considerations to keep in mind relating to how the criminal matter might effect an ongoing civil matter, it could be a really good course.

    But that’s not what the course is directed toward.  If it was, then it wouldn’t have been worthy of mention, no less a post.  Still, thank you for contributing, just in case us criminal lawyers weren’t able to figure out your very sophisticated and well-taken points. No, seriously, thank you.

  8. Dan

    For reasons I have yet to figure out, there’s a perception that anyone can do criminal law. And for some reason, I have yet to see a CLE on “What Every Criminal Defense Lawyer Needs to Know About Mergers and Acquisitions.”

  9. chug

    Uh, no. There are 2 steps, not 1.

    What to do if you don’t practice criminal law and you get that midnight phone call?

    1. Tell the client to shut the hell up and do NOT talk with the police – tell them “I want to talk with a lawyer.” Don’t assume the client knows this.

    2. Then, immediately refer the case to a competent criminal defense lawyer, then go back to sleep.

  10. SHG

    You watch too much TV.  The call never comes from the client, but from the wife, mother, partner.  No sense telling them not to talk to the police. And by the time the defendant called them, they’ve either talked already or invoked their rights.  Either way, it’s too late.

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