Bet Kerrie O’Connor Didn’t See This Coming

A friend got the email and sent it off to me, because it was close to home and just too funny not to share.

My name is Kerrie O’Connor and I’m a Psychic Medium. For over 20 years, I’ve consulted with hundreds of Attorneys & Law Enforcement Officials on various trials and investigations. My unique skill set and perception abilities give Attorneys added insight on cases and maximize their ability to garner the best outcome possible.

My consulting services can be retained on a monthly basis or case-by-case basis and my fees for services are within reason.

According to her website, O’Connor is not a mere “Psychic Medium.” She’s just being modest. She is, by her own reckoning, an  “Internationally known, Master Visionary Clairvoyant.”  If you’re going to have a psychic on monthly retainer, I guess this is probably the kind to have. No journeyman visionary clairvoyant will do.

But had the email been limited to just another pitch for your basic psychic services, it wouldn’t have drawn more than a sneer. Rather, it was the “endorsement” that she thought to put in her email that really caught my interest:

“I worked for the Nassau County Police Department and as skeptical as a group of people can be they worked here. Until they saw for themselves what a true intuitive/ energy reader is capable of. Ms. O’Connor was called upon for several cases while I was in that unit. In a domestic dispute she was able to discern who was being truthful. On another case she was able to ascertain that there was an accomplice. The last case involved an item that was used in the performance of a crime. With her assistance she able to give us an area to search and we were successful in obtaining it.”

– Michael McGee Officer (Ret)

Is that so? Does the Nassau County Police Department really avail themselves of the services of this Internationally known, Master Visionary Clairvoyant to “discern who was being truthful?”  This is the sort of stuff of cable television shows, and yet I now learn that this is how the police force, the one for which my tax dollars are so very well spent, solves crime?

Well, this raises some very serious questions. First, if they’re using Kerrie O’Connor’s services, why are there unsolved crimes? Does she cost too much, and so they can only use her on really important crimes?   And if she can divine who is telling the truth, shouldn’t she be used in courtrooms so that people can’t lie on the witness stand? Oh, wait. She was working for the cops. Never mind.

While I don’t know who retired officer Michael McGee is, I can’t help but wonder whether the brass at the Nassau County Police is cool with his having spoken out of school about the department’s reliance on a psychic to do the job we thought they were paid to do. Being retired, I guess McGee doesn’t need to get the permission of police brass to speak out about this indispensable crime fighting tool.

Or maybe he didn’t. Or maybe there is no retired officer McGee. I’m not psychic. How should I know? But when someone sends out an email with the endorsement of a police officer, attesting to her efficacy, it certainly means more than getting a gig on TLC as the Long Island medium.

But O’Connor’s services aren’t limited to solving crime for the Nassau cops, or unsolving crime for criminal defense lawyers with the foresight to have her on retainer.  She also does “Intuitive LightStream Reading™” which “facilitate[s] communication with departed loved ones, departed pets, personal angels and guides,” and as if to prove that she’s got the goods to see into the future, her website includes the admonition “Permission to use these trademarks in any form or reference must be received in writing” and “Permission to duplicate is required in writing.” I didn’t get her written permission in writing, so she’s probably going to be pissed at me. But then, she should have realized I was going to note stuff from her website anyway, so she really can’t complain too much, especially since she was the one who sent the initial email soliciting business.

I’ve been giving some serious thought to whether I ought to have Kerrie O’Connor on retainer. When she’s not finding the real culprit and setting clients free, she can facilitate my talking to my dear departed parakeet, Herman, who died when I was four. I knew my parents were lying when they told me that they sent Herman to a farm where he was play with the other parakeets. I knew when I saw him lying face down in his cage he wasn’t sleeping.

But I’m not entirely comfortable with retaining Ms. O’Connor. For one thing, she works for the cops, and that suggests her loyalties might be divided. My preference is for psychics to pick their sides rather than be just another clairvoyant for hire. For another, she uses a lot of words that have no meaning, and that’s something that always emits an unpleasant odor to me.

But the biggest reason is that I don’t believe that she can do it. What makes me say this? She didn’t foresee when she sent out that email that it would be forwarded to me and I would write this post.

18 comments on “Bet Kerrie O’Connor Didn’t See This Coming

  1. pml

    Perhaps you should put her on retainer to help you find Elvis or Hoffa. You could then become a world famous attorney demand huge sums to solve the worlds mysteries.

  2. David W.

    Sounds like the Nassau County PD needs to get an open records record (or whatever that’s called in New York) for all information related to retention of psychic mediums as consultants in criminal investigations. Not so much because it has any chance of actually affecting how police do their jobs, but just because it would be fun.

    1. SHG Post author

      I’m kinda hoping Newsday is paying attention (yes, I know you read SJ) and sees a front page here.

  3. msj

    I’m sure I’ll get an email soon telling me she can divine the secrets of the Google algorithm, reveal the mysteries of SEO optimization, and tell me how to get an impressive Avvo score.

    1. SHG Post author

      Heck, I can tell you how to get an impressive Avvo score, and I have absolutely no psychic abilities whatsoever.

  4. Wheeze The People

    Greenfield, when I was first I was reading your post, I was LMFAO at the utter inanity of the concept of a “psychic” teaming up with “law enforcement” to solve real crime . . .

    But upon further review, I realized that the idea ain’t so stupid after all, because it’s really about reaping the rich harvest of stupidity that is ripe for the pickins’ in these United States of America . . .

    Consider for a moment:

    A majority of Americans – 57% – say they believe in psychic phenomena such as ESP (Extra Sensory Perception), telepathy or experiences that can’t be explained by normal means. (2009 CBSNEWS Poll)

    About three in four Americans profess at least one paranormal belief, according to a Gallup survey. The most popular is extrasensory perception (ESP), mentioned by 41%, followed closely by belief in haunted houses (37%). (2005 Gallup Poll)

    So imagine the cops are working over a less than bright suspect in interrogation. We know he is a dim bulb because the person is chatting it up without an attorney present. But he isn’t confessing quickly enough and it’s well past the time for the scheduled donut run . . .

    What’s a good detective to do?? Call in the heavy gun — the “psychic”. Esmeralda, always on hot standby and on speed-dial, comes rushing down to the station and literally works her magic. After consulting with the detective to find out what probably went down with the mark, Esmeralda whips up a séance with the suspect present, complete with an Ouija board and a loaded Magic 8-Ball. The smoke machine starts bellowing. A head appears in the crystal ball. Esmeralda, now ostensibly channeling the suspect’s dead relatives (a deceased mom or dad are the best, next being the grandparents), and the dead people, through Esmeralda, describe how they saw the suspect do X, Y, and Z and how they are very ashamed of him. He can only regain their respect by admitting to every detail of the crime at once. Then Esmeralda adds the kicker – she’s tells the suspect she see the justice system being very light on him for giving such a truthful confession and making his dead relative so very proud . . .

    Case closed and Esmeralda once again has more than earned her keep . . .

  5. Marilou Auer

    I believe that you, as a taxpaying resident of Nassau County, have the right to ask the city fathers to disclose how much money has been paid to Ms. O’Connor over the past couple of fiscal years. Nassauans generally should interest themselves in the answer.

  6. Ken Bellone

    Sorry to hear of Herman’s passing. Looking back on my own childhood and speaking with my own children, now adults, it’s apparent that kids have their “B.S. detectors” up and running at an unusually early age, and fooling them is never quite as easy as one would think. Who needs a pyschic when you have kids?

    1. SHG Post author

      No need to be sorry. I never actually liked the bird. He didn’t do anything except crap and eat.

        1. SHG Post author

          Just how did Herman die?

          No clue. No autopsy was done, to my knowledge.

          [And when did you become interested in criminal defense?]

          Segues are for kids, right?

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