Gerry Spence Presents: Midday Cowboy

A while back, I made a deal with Gerry Spence’s Trial Lawyers College. In exchange for my plugging his upcoming world tour, I would get his cowboy hat and buckskin coat.  I never thought they would go for it, but they did. So, I kept my word.

The hat came pretty quickly, but the venerable buckskin coat, well, not so much. It took a while, with alt headlines of “All Hat, No Cattle” and “Welching in Wyoming” (courtesy of TLC’s Scott Trimble, who has a gift for headlines) spinning in my head. But then, coat finally arrived.

Remember Jon Voight as Joe Buck in Midnight Cowboy, the only x-rated movie to win the Academy Award for Best Picture?

joe_buck_midnight_cowboy-9434

Meet Midday Cowboy.*

Midday Cowboy2

* Because I don’t like staying up too late. I get sleepy.

While a comparison like this will no doubt be used as fodder by the likes of Mary Anne Franks, whose latest passive-aggressive attack is calling me a “pervert blogger” (you can’t make this stuff up), to “prove” I’m a wannabe x-rated movie star, unhinged misogynist and rape apologist, that’s the price I pay for having a sense of humor.

Thanks, TLC.

 

23 comments on “Gerry Spence Presents: Midday Cowboy

    1. SHG Post author

      After my wife stopped laughing, she started singing Rhinestone Cowboy. It was humiliating.

  1. Wheeze The People™

    This is what EPIC really means. The term has been diluted over the years . . .

    And at least you’re only shooting for an honest-to-gosh X-rating, not a typically misogynist hardcore XXX. Next time you see Mary Anne, just tell her, “Ma’dam, Buck you, Joe Buck you, that is . . .”

    BTW, your wife sang you the wrong song, IMO. She should’ve hummed this one:

    “Everybody’s talkin’ at me.
    I don’t hear a word they’re sayin’,
    Only the echoes of my mind.
    People stoppin’, starin’.
    I can’t see their faces,
    Only the shadows of their eyes.

    I’m goin’ where the sun keeps shinin’,
    Through the pourin’ rain.
    Goin’ where the weather suits my clothes.
    Bankin’ off of the northeast winds,
    Sailin’ on summer breeze.
    An’ skippin’ over the ocean like a stone.

    Wah-wa-wa-wa-wah,
    Wah-wa-wa-wah,
    Wah-wa-wah,
    Wahhhhhhh.

    I’m goin’ where the sun keeps shinin’,
    Through the pourin’ rain.
    Goin’ where the weather suits my clothes.
    Bankin’ off of the northeast winds,
    Sailin’ on summer breeze.
    An’ skippin’ over the ocean like a stone.

    Everybody’s talkin’ at me.
    Can’t hear a word they’re sayin’,
    Only the echoes of my mind.

    I won’t let you leave my love behind.
    No, I won’t let you leave…

    Wah-ah-ahhhh.
    [Fade.]
    I won’t let you leave my love behind.

    1. SHG Post author

      My fav was always Witchita Lineman, “he’s still on the liii-iiiiii-iiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-ii-iiiiiiii-ne.”

      Oh crap, how did this turn into a thread about Glenn Campbell? Mea culpa.

    1. SHG Post author

      So does this mean if I show up in this costume in EDNY, they won’t throw me out on my ass?

  2. Richard G. Kopf

    SHG (a/k/a/ Midday Cowboy),

    I once had to sit in the sweltering heat next to Jerry Spence at a law school graduation. I can’t remember why I was up there with him. It was a long time ago. He was dressed in the buckskin and cowboy get up you portray.

    His speech was awful. It went on for over an hour and a half. It was filled with a bunch of pablum about “non-breathing” corporations and representing the downtrodden which would have been fine except the examples made no greater point other than that Spence was a hero in his own mind and that he flew into Lincoln on a charter jet instead of riding in on a cutting horse.

    I have a strong and I suppose unhinged distrust for true believers who are also lawyers. Because of that I don’t trust Spence or what he “teaches.” I sure as hell don’t want young lawyers to emulate Spence or his methods. I want them to represent poor people one day, and take a case for IBM the next.

    Finally, and this is the important part insofar as you are concerned:

    As I sat next to Spence in his buckskin coat in the scorching heat I noticed an overwhelming and unpleasant body odor. That is, he literally stunk. That last sentence is reportage and not snark. I strongly recommend you think about washing the buckskin. See “How to Wash Buckskin,” at http://sustainablelivingproject.blogspot.com/2013/02/how-to-wash-buckskin.html

    All the best.

    RGK

    1. SHG Post author

      Just so you know, I’m not one of his biggest fans (an hour and a half? Seriously? Sheesh). Not only do I remember a juror from the Imelda Marcos case, when asked if she acquitted because of Spence, responding, “no, we acquitted despite him,” but also I find his appeal to emotion disturbing.

      Neither am I a fan of true believers nor people whose main virtue is their “passion.”

      On the bright side, the buckskin coat was squeaky clean and emitted no unpleasant odor. I checked.

  3. Bruce Coulson

    So, given your new look, how many Hollywood agents have sent you cards? There has to a movie deal with this outfit.

      1. Wheeze The People™

        Hey, the nice older gentleman who lives right next door to me used to be the producer for “Bonanza”. Do you want me to run it by him for ideas?? All I can come up with is Bonanza meets The Midnight Cowboy meets Crimes and Misdemeanors meets Twelve Angry Men for a concept . . .

  4. Rick Horowitz

    Now you’re beginning to look like a hero!

    Hmm…that’s not quite right, since it implies you didn’t look like one before. And we know that’s not true.

    But I meant you’re beginning to look like MY hero, Davy Crockett (except, of course, he wore a coonskin cap).

    Yeeeeha!

    1. SHG Post author

      I never really understood why anyone would want to put a coonskin on their head. Or who was the first person who thought it might be a good idea.

  5. Brett Middleton

    What is it with you city slickers always making fun of the traditional dress of My People (we who are connected with livestock)? How would y’all like it if we started forking silage, farrowing sows, and stuff like that there while wearing Denny Crane suits? (Though that would mind me of the time I went to an economics class wearing a tuxedo after the instructor made a snarky remark about me showing up in farm clothes.)

  6. John Barleycorn

    Styling! Nice fit too. I am jealous.

    Does the coat add 32.5% more depth to your outerwear wardrobe or what?

    P.S. Looks like you are still young enough to give a shit about trimming your beard on a regular basis still. You got that going for you too.

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