The first time I ever saw a pair of Crocs was when a left coast client came into my office.  He wore bright yellow Crocs, plastic shoes with holes in them.  It’s impossible not to notice when a man wears bright yellow things on his feet.  I can’t be sure, but I believe that the word “fruitcake” passed my lips very softly as he walked into my office.

He had flown out from LA to be in court that morning in the Southern District of New York before none other than inchoate AG Michael Mukasey.  I explained in my calm, supportive way that Crocs would not have been my choice of footwear on a defendant for federal court.  At least not a defendant who was free.  He explained that they were all the rage in LA.  I welcomed him to New York.

My being about 5 minutes behind on all things fashion kept me from appreciating that I was in the presence of cutting edge shoes.  It didn’t really matter at that moment, since it was not the shoe, but the color, that drew my attention.  No one wears bright yellow if they don’t want everyone to notice.  This client was nothing if not a peacock.

So now the shareholders in the company that makes Crocs are suing. According to the Denver Post, there is a special name for these litigants:  Idiots.  Naturally,  Overlawyered loves this one, but they’re right on the money this time.  It’s difficult to conceive of a suit with less justification than this, blaming Crocs for having bought stock in a company that makes a very interesting and novel shoe that couldn’t sustain its meteoric stock climb.  It would have made more sense to sue every American who didn’t own a pair. 

What are they suing about?  Adjectives.

The suit cites statements like this one that Snyder made as Crocs released its second-quarter earnings this year: “We continue to witness robust demand for our expanded footwear collection.” I love that word “robust,” which I think entered the corporate lexicon about seven years ago, sounds really cool and means absolutely nothing.

They come in robust colors and are worn by robust people who drink robust coffee.  I love business jargon.  I noodle about it all the time.  I have a lot of friends who are investment banker types (an occupation my father neglected to mention to me as a youth, much to my detriment), and they all talk like this.  I never know what they are talking about.

These Crocs are quite remarkable shoes, and I say that as someone who has no particular feelings about footwear beyond the need for a decent fit (think bespoke).  How often do we get something truly novel, remarkably comfortable and so endearingly peculiar in appearance that they couldn’t be mistaken for anything else.  They are perfect for kids, for the beach or garden, and present an attitude of fashion carelessness that belies a heightened sense of function over form.  I think Crocs are here for good, provided they don’t suffer from fad burnout and take on the undeserved negative connotation that wearing them suggests a fashion statement.

I still maintain that Crocs are not the smart choice of footwear for a federal defendant going to court.  Maybe those detained, but not to show respect to the judge.  More importantly, they come in many colors.  No one should wear bright yellow unless his purpose is to draw everyone’s attention and implicitly suggest the need for a competency hearing.