If your interest is law, this post isn’t for you. Many readers here are relatively young, either with very young children or the potential to someday in the reasonably near future plant a seed. This post is for you.
Regular readers know that my youngest child, my son, fences epee, and that for the past few years, we have traveled about the country in search of great barbecue and a medal in the North American Cup circuit. As he’s now reached his senior year in high school, he’ll be leaving home soon to find his way in college.
I’ve grappled with this for a while now, just as I did when my daughter went to college. At least with her, I had a child at home to fall back on. No more.
A problem arose this year because of logistics, a position that we wouldn’t travel to competitions in second class cities in the midwest unless they offered at least two competitions. The cost just didn’t make sense otherwise. But now that he’s aged out of the “Under 17” competitions, and there is only one NAC that offers both “Under 20” as well as Division 1 (where the big dogs fence), our options were limited. This season, the only NAC that provided two competitions will be held in Portland, Oregon, where Dr. SJ has a dear friend. Normally, only my son and I travel to NACs. For Portland, Dr. SJ is coming with us.
There is a NAC in December in Kansas City, Missouri. There will be a Div 1 competition, as well as some others which don’t apply to my son. One competition. The rule is we don’t go for less than two. The cost is significant, and the travel is a burden. It interferes with life as we know it, school work, business, comfort. It wasn’t on the docket.
Yesterday, it occurred to me that this NAC in Kansas City is likely to be the last time I will ever take a road trip with my son. Sure, there will be plenty of fencing, but he won’t need me to be there with him. He’ll go with friends, teammates and his coach.
What was I thinking? Who cares what it costs? Who cares that it’s burdensome and fails to meet some arbitrary metric? I may never have the opportunity to go on the road with my son again, just him and me, talking, joking, fighting and eating barbecue.
Aside: In Kansas City, we go to Jack Stack Barbecue . The last time we ate there, the meal wasn’t great. But they sent me a box of barbecue to make up for it, and for that, they have my devotion. And the barbecue they sent me was terrific.There’s no going back. There’s no second chance to take the road trip you passed on. Excuses for not going are easy to find, but it won’t change the immutable fact that you missed out on something you will never have again.
Your kid probably won’t fence. It’s not important. There will be something in your child’s life that matters. If there isn’t, you’ve failed as a parent. Find something. Think ahead. Plan it out, so that there’s something you and your child can do together. And when you get the opportunity to do it, do it.
They’re gone in a blink. I know it doesn’t seem that way on bad days, but they are only with you for a moment. Seize the opportunity to make the most of the moment. Plan properly so that it has no impact on your duties to your clients. Plan properly so you will not miss your last chance to be with your child.
Since I came to this epiphany, I’ve been singing this song.
What? You thought it would be this?
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This is really touching. Family is what life is really about. These will be future treasured memories so enjoy them while you can. Great perspective.
SHG,
As a young attorney with two little guys in diapers, this post brought a tear to my eye—for the potential in the road that lies ahead for me and my boys, and reading about the road traveled in yours. There are roughly 936 week-ends between when a child is born and when they turn 18 and it sounds like you made the most of the ones you had. Thank you for the wisdom and perspective. Best of luck with Kansas City!
So, Scott… you’re just being the everyday Superman, the one that hardly gets mentioned but is always needed.
Kansas City as a second-class city? You snoot.
I’ll never forget the trip my dad and I took to Kansas City when I was in middle school. He had just gotten his single-engine pilot’s license, and decided to fly me to Kansas City for lunch. We ate at Bryant’s BBQ, if I remember correctly.
I lived about two hours from Kansas City when I was on active duty. As far as midwestern cities go, only MSP surpasses it. But I suppose a snooty New Yorker might think it a second-class city, if the only first class cities are NYC, Chicago, and LA.
Thank you.
You got it, Scott. There are no gimmes, no mulligans: when it’s done, it’s done, and all you have is the memories of the time you spent together.
I hope that you and Dr. SJ will have many years of adult time with your children: it’s an unbelievable payoff.
And Bryant’s is over-rated.
I was being kind to KC. Don’t make me regret it.
Great post. With a young daughter, I’ve already noticed time flying by way too quickly.
While you’re here in KC, you shouldn’t pass up burnt ends at Gates & Sons. So much great BBQ here: Gates, Bryant’s, Jack Stack, Oklahoma Joe’s, LC’s…. Too many to name and hard to go wrong!
Have a great trip!
I would give up several significant body parts if I could have back the years between 1992 and 2007 when my daughters played softball. Thinking of the tournaments I no longer attend literally makes my heart ache. Go, while you can.
My daughter turned 15 two weeks ago. I remember when the starting age of that song was years away. No more.