Not to be outdone by Biglaw, I am considering raising my hourly rates to $1000.

“We have viewed $1,000 an hour as a possible vomit point for clients,” a partner at one New York firm told the newspaper.

Out of a deep appreciation for my carpet, I have decided to put off the increase for the moment.  In the meantime, I am willing to take on any major corporations who have decided that this Biglaw rate increase is unpalatable at the discounted rate of $979.95. 

The real problem here is that Biglaw guys can’t keep pace with kiddies working on Wall Street, who are getting these multi-million dollar bonuses.  Not that the Biglaw partners are going hungry, but they are paupers in the grand scheme of big money.  Let’s face facts, why should the Wall Street Bonus Babies get all the really cool houses and cars? 

Of course, this has little to do with your regular criminal defense lawyer.  Maybe a few Biglaw white collar former AUSA types who do the march to their old office with the CEO on a regular basis, but not us working stiffs.  We can charge whatever we want.  We just won’t get it.  Those $25M defense fees just don’t come our way that often.  Hell, I wouldn’t even know how to charge that much.  Maybe Morvillo Abramowitz could give a CLE about charging seven figures so the rest of us could learn the secret? 

All that time learning how to try cases and win wasted when we could have learned how write more zeros after a number.  Bummer.