Lawprof Stephen Bainbridge has a blog devoted to wine and another somewhat related to law, if you squint a little when you read it.  If he can do it, so can I.  I know a little something about wine.  Don’t ask why.  It’s none of your business.

Today, we will discuss the subject of champagne, the traditional beverage of the huddled masses on New Year’s Eve.  I watched a segment this morning on one of the networks where they conducted a “non-scientific” test of champagnes to determine whether it was worth it to spend big bucks on the big names.  It was idiotic.

The test was done on the “posh” upper east side of Manhattan (as opposed to the upper east side with homeless people lying on steam grates to keep from freezing to death) at a wine store.  Random people were asked to test three wines, one an Italian sparkling wine, one an inexpensive bottle and the last Dom Perignon. 

Now, DP (as those who can’t afford Crystal call it) is grossly overrated to begin with, so the very nature of the test was flawed.  People who don’t know wine go for the name they recognize as being “expensive”, and hence good.  This is why God created marketing.  I’m not saying you can’t enjoy DP.  I’m saying that if you do, you reveal yourself as being pretentious yet tasteless.

Surprisingly, in this blind taste test, most preferred the sweet Italian spumante to the DP.  This is like asking people off the street if they prefer the taste of Osetra caviar to hotdogs.  The latter takes much less practice to enjoy, as proven by 270 million toddlers.

Roederer Crystal is a superb champagne, but its image has been tarnished by the hippy hoppers who swill it to prove that they will not hold on to their hard-earned income any longer than is absolutely necessary.  These are the same people who consider stretch hummers a sign of refinement.  If this is your self image, then Crystal is for you.  If you just happen to appreciate exceptional champagne, then drink Crystal in private, so no one will attempt to persuade you to trade in your Prius for an H2 (the H3 is unworthy of even minor recognition, by all accounts).

But this does not mean that there are not excellent Champagnes available at reasonable prices.  The reason you don’t know about them is that wine snobs would never be willing to admit that they liked a $15 bottle of champagne for fear of ridicule.  That’s right, there is such a thing as wine snobs, Bainbridge.

Before revealing my champagne recommendation, I ask you to take note of the truism that all champagnes taste fine after the third or fourth bottle, unless you are drinking with at least one other person, in which case it may take a little longer.  Do not let this influence your decision.  It is a false impression, similar to the idea that Miller is the champagne of bottled beer. 

So when you go out to purchase a beverage for Tuesday evenings festivities, whether you are in Texas or the United States, and wish to show your closest and dearest friends that you are possessed of exceptional taste without being a show-off wastrel, my recommendation is Gruet. 

Gruet uses “methode champenoise” to produce an excellent French sparkling wine at an exceptionally reasonable price.  Don’t confuse it with the New Mexico version.  By selecting Gruet, you will demonstrate not only your excellent taste in fine wine, but your genius in going outside the box to find a champagne that even a public defender can afford.  Enjoy.

(Note to Gruet Champagne people:  You can send a case to my office at your leisure for this unsolicited endorsement.)