Whether you can blame this on Gary Ostrow, just because he was foolish enough to hire reputation dudebro Patrick Zarrelli to salvage the online reputation he worked so hard to destroy, is hard to say. One might have expected a minimally intelligent dudebro to find some other endeavor at which he could be remarkably incompetent. But not Zarrelli.
Instead, he made the flagrant tactical error of thinking his mad computer skillz and overwhelming power would be strong enough to pick off the low-hanging fruit. So he went to Keith Lee and threatened to ruin him.
The best part of the threat was that Zarrelli, using all the brain power he can muster, thought Keith would give a shit about some nutjob who hates Mike Masnick as much as Zarrelli does for ridiculing Zarrelli’s bizarre attempt to complain to the police that Mike and Tim Cushing were cyberbullying him. Could he not hear the one time that the cops and Techdirt were sitting at the same table, laughing at Zarrelli?
But then some more Zarrelli madness came across my twitters.
Sit down, Patrick. I have something to tell you, and its going to make you sad. Ain’t nobody gonna believe you. You see, you’re a lying sack of shit, and people just don’t believe lying sacks of shit. Reddit mods have Google just like everyone else, and they’re not going to read your lies, start crying for your sad life, and push the “delete bad stuff that makes Patrick Zarrelli cry” button.
Protip: When you’ve proven to the world that you’re a liar, a guy who will try to blackmail people, even if so incompetently that he’s painted a clown face on himself in indelible ink, it’s going to be impossible to make that go away.
Keith not only posted Zarrelli’s infantile threat, but added a bit of thoughtful and lawyerly commentary.
File your bar complaints. They’ll fall apart and do as little as the ones you filed against everyone else. File more “criminal charges,” they’ll be dismissed like they were last time. Make a big, scarey website about me! We can all see how that went when you tried it with everyone else. We all laughed it off and made fun of you.
In case it hasn’t gotten through your thick skull at this point, threatening lawyers is like wrestling a pig in the mud. Throwing Rabbit in the Briar patch. We don’t give a shit and we actually like it.
And Keith sent his post to Zarrelli, who, because he must, responded:
How’s that cleaning of your name going? Now, I’m just a dopey lawyer, not a developer with mad skillz like the reputation dudebro, but from my screen, it’s not looking very good.
And why, you might wonder, don’t I sue Zarrelli for defaming me, not to mention getting Mike Masnick to send me an invoice as head of my Techdirt SEO Attack Team? Because of the Pimple Rule. Zarrelli is a pimple, and the only thing that comes of squeezing someone who’s a pimple is pus.
Had Zarrelli ever been successful at anything, maybe he would have some money to go after and make it worth my while to engage in reasonable negotiations over how much money he would have to pay me to prevent a jury from reaching a damage award that would crush his soul. But you can’t get blood from a stone, and you only get pus from a pimple.
I do not want Zarrelli’s pus. It’s yucky.
So what does all this have to do with Gary Ostrow, who chose Zarrelli from all the reputational dudebros on the internet? When Mark Bennett reached out to him to inquire whether Zarrelli’s claim of being Ostrow’s mouthpiece was true. Ostrow told Bennett that not only is Zarrelli his dudebro, but “you have no fucking idea what’s coming your way.” He closed with, “have a nice life.”
Pimples. Squeeze them and all you get is pus.
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Mike’s a nice guy.
Sometimes entertainment’s worth what you pay for it. Often not even that much.
Zarelli is obviously not worth the pus he’s full of.
Thanks for calling it like it is.
E
SHG,
The sad thing is that I know zero about reputation cleaning and the Internet. (Indeed, I put a capital “I” in Internet.)
I have questions, though. Does reputation cleaning make you squeaky clean or just ordinary clean? Does it make your skin dry? If so, what lotions do you recommend? Does it hurt?
I’m coming to the conclusion that the Internet is no country for old men:
Anton Chigurh: What’s the most you ever lost on a coin toss.
Gas Station Proprietor: Sir?
Anton Chigurh: The most. You ever lost. On a coin toss.
Gas Station Proprietor: I don’t know. I couldn’t say.
[Chigurh flips a quarter from the change on the counter and covers it with his hand]
Anton Chigurh: Call it.
Gas Station Proprietor: Call it?
Anton Chigurh: Yes.
Gas Station Proprietor: For what?
Anton Chigurh: Just call it.
Gas Station Proprietor: Well, we need to know what we’re calling it for here.
Anton Chigurh: You need to call it. I can’t call it for you. It wouldn’t be fair.
Gas Station Proprietor: I didn’t put nothin’ up.
Anton Chigurh: Yes, you did. You’ve been putting it up your whole life you just didn’t know it. You know what date is on this coin?
Gas Station Proprietor: No.
Anton Chigurh: 1958. It’s been traveling twenty-two years to get here. And now it’s here. And it’s either heads or tails. And you have to say. Call it.
Gas Station Proprietor: Look, I need to know what I stand to win.
Anton Chigurh: Everything.
Gas Station Proprietor: How’s that?
Anton Chigurh: You stand to win everything. Call it.
Gas Station Proprietor: Alright. Heads then.
[Chigurh removes his hand, revealing the coin is indeed heads]
Anton Chigurh: Well done.
[the gas station proprietor nervously takes the quarter with the small pile of change he’s apparently won while Chigurh starts out]
Anton Chigurh: Don’t put it in your pocket, sir. Don’t put it in your pocket. It’s your lucky quarter.
Gas Station Proprietor: Where do you want me to put it?
Anton Chigurh: Anywhere not in your pocket. Where it’ll get mixed in with the others and become just a coin. Which it is.
[Chigurh leaves and the gas station proprietor stares at him as he walks out]
All the best.
RGK
Roasted, toasted, and burnt to the crisp.
Honestly, I think he’s too stupid to have put 2 + 2 together and realize that “KeithRLee” on Reddit, was the same Keith Lee making fun of him on Twitter, etc a couple of months ago.
A search for “Keith R Lee,” with or without lawyer/attorney attached to it, leads to my firm, Associate’s Mind, AboveTheLaw, etc. If he had, he would have known that there was no way that I would be intimidated by his “threats.” I mean, he’s too dumb put forth the bare minimum effort of a basic Google search, clicking on a couple of links, and a bit of reading up on someone.
A pimple is an apt description.
Honestly? Were you worried that people would think your comment was dishonest?
For some odd reason, Zarelli reminds me of Wiley Coyote “Super Genius”
I think his bar complaint worked. Per the Florida Bar website, beyond being disciplined, apparently you’ve been erased from existence. Even Scott Rothstein’s name is searchable. I don’t know what you did to PZ but he’s got the bars in his pocket. And The Hague…can’t find your attorney ID there either. In fact, over 185 countries have no record of you being licensed there. The internets is everywhere.
Just typing this comment…my certificate of admission to the bar is fading a la Back to the Future polaroids.
Are you kidding? They’ll be pulling out the Zarrelli complaint at Florida Bar parties for years.
So BT skated through and avoided a disbarment or reprimand on a technicality of the complainant having “too much legally valid evidence.” Once PZ breaks the 200 pages down into 10 separate bar complaints…maybe BT should start making co-counsel arrangements. But interestingly you won’t post the FL bar findings on you? They went beyond disbarment and negated your existence. I can’t even find your cases on the dockets except for defending some 80 year old who never paid for his scallion schmear at Century Village Bagels and Bialies in Lake Worth, FL. It was a fine jury acquittal but where are your other Florida cases?
Deep down you’re a little worried about PZ, right. Like 2%, maybe? The guy’s public profile pic has him donning a t-shirt with a marijuana cigarette tucked behind his ear (it may be a hand rolled Galloise tobacco, or perhaps an old and abused Newport loosie, but I would need a Crime Scene Forensic Scientist to look at the photo with their more experienced eyes). That kind of confidence can only end well for him. Your cowboy hat versus his t-shirt and cigarette? The Florida bar saw right through that.
You forgot to mention the gratuitous porn.
I laughed so hard when it was pointed out to me people on campus started to look more than a little concerned…
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Whoa. SJ and Popehat both have ZarelliPosts(TM) on the same day. Clearly, an organized conspiracy!
(P.S. to Judge Kopf, you were correct all along, Internet should have a first letter cap.)
Stop kissing up to the Judge, you kiss-up, you.
Jim,
Ignore him.
All the best.
RGK
Zarelli must cut his cocaine with Adderall.
There is no documented evidence to substantiate any allegation of cocaine use. This may well be Zarrelli at his most sober.
I dunno, you gotta admire someone who seeks to become a true master at their craft…
Wait a second. Zarelli is fun and all, but are you burying the lead here that you actually hang out innocuously with all of us weirdos on /r/lawyers? Because that would be both awesome and terrifying.
Maybe I do, and maybe I don’t. Bwahahahaha.
Like Ken White, he likes to make sure that he can still feel…
Heh. Your Google screen capture is already out of date, because this post has now risen to the #2 position in a search for “Patrick Zarrelli”. That must mean you got leet haxxor skillz!
If a comment on today’s Popehat Zarrelli post is to be believed, SJ ranks higher in the U.S. than Popehat.
PLEASE DO NOT TELL SCOTT. It will just go to his head.
Google is what Google does.
Everyone appears to be missing the biggest news here. Apparently you have your own personal SEO team! Congratulations Scott!
Stop it, or Masnick is going to send me a bill.
Have you noticed that Masnick is ubiquitous?
You spelled obsequious wrong.
I’m pretty confident Pimple Rule needs caps.
–Your editor
I wondered about that. You couldn’t have told me early this morning before I humiliated myself?
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