Aside from the honor of being an Admiral in the Great Navy of Nebraska, I’m also a Tennessee Squire. Many years ago, I was graced by the kind folks from Jack Daniels with plot f20377 in Lynchburg. Every once in a while, I get a letter from one of the neighbors about some confounding issue, and one arrived yesterday from Goose Baxter’s wife, Debbie.
It’s not that Debbie accused me of anything, as it would be un-neighborly to do so. But let’s be frank, that’s what she meant. So unlike some folks who never denied that they didn’t kill Noel’s puppy, I did not take Goose’s britches.
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This is how appropriate statements of denial are crafted. Besides, it’s common knowledge when Goose’s britches go missing it’s Blanche from down the holler’s fault. Debbie’s known this for years and yet she goes off sending a letter like this to you. That’s a micro-victimization* if I’ve ever seen one.
And this is peanuts compared to the fact that it’s been almost two weeks and a certain NY Times Op Ed columnist has yet to deny certain rumors about killing Noel’s puppy.
*Copyright SHG
The least she could do is send me a bottle of Old No. 7 to apologize for this outrageous accusation.
> This is how appropriate statements of denial are crafted.
No, no, no. Where’s the deflection? You need to forward an appropriately implausible alternate explanation, otherwise you’ll never get your own reality TV slot, even with Barleycorn’s help.
I do find it slightly worrying that the marketers got through to Scott. Even if it is for whiskey, it’s still at the top of the slope. Next thing you know, Ken White will be shilling pony tack.
” I did not take Goose’s britches.”
What kind of a weak denial is that?
Even Debbie knows that the missing overalls would go along nicely with those cowboy boots, cowboy hat and buckskin jacket. Also, they would pair up nicely with your Nebraska Admiral’s uniform on the John Deere.
No, this is not a denial, it is actually an admission of guilt
I look damn good in the admiral’s uniform, you know.
It’s the kind of denial usually followed by “I was just borrowing them.”
Dear Mr. Greenfield,
That you redacted your own mail address is clear and convincing evidence that you’re cognizant of privacy concerns. Yet, you left both the mailing address and the email address of Ms. Baxter intact.
One can only surmise that you’re encouraging your 5 loyal readers to DDos her. Did you even consider the havoc that would be wrought if Barleycorn sends her a single email? And what if Errata Rob decides to make this his new project?
Ms. Baxter’s inquiry may have been misplaced, but I fear that your publishing her information will result in a response that is completely out of proportion.
And what’s this plot thing? Are you going to buried in Tennessee? What does Dr. SJ have to say about that?
Who told you about Errata Rob’s scheme for world hegemony? It was supposed to be a secret.
When you get caught lying about this, Kopf strips those epaulets off you in a public shaming.
First, Goose Baxter looks like he weighs a great deal more than you. Second, how likely are you to trade one of your nice suits for a beat-up pair of overalls?
Do you think SHG wears a nice suit when he’s puttering around on his John Deere?
I’ll have you know I dress very appropriately when I putter on the gator. A nice three-piece country gentleman’s tweed with riding boots and a cap always looks dashing.
Why am I getting flashbacks to Green Acres?
My guess would be bad acid from the 60s.
More vital information. Does Dr. S.J. know about this post? Your children?
She knows. Gave me the evil eye just to be sure.