The explanation given way back when for the “reasonable person” standard is that people can only be judged by an objective standard of reasonableness. After all, there is always somebody who is so fragile, so delicate, so easily outraged that they will lose it over anything or find cause to be traumatized if that’s what they’re inclined to be. But that can’t possibly work for a society, since people cannot guide their conduct in accordance with the most fragile person alive, right?
The question of the generation gap re-emerges
I’m old, which doesn’t make me tolerant of abuse of women, whether in the home or the workplace, far from it. But women my age distinguished — and I still do — between the Trumps, Kavanaughs, Weinsteins, Cosbys and the millions of males flirting or leering …. Until someone proves that Gov. Andrew Cuomo actually assaulted a woman or made sex the price of a hire, I see the cries for impeachment or resignation as ridiculous. — Emita Hill, former vice president of Lehman College, CUNY
Whenever debates about the #MeToo movement arise, the proverbial generation gap is never very far behind. Brian Lehrer suggested last week on WNYC, for example, that older men and women might feel that “the MeToo movement has usurped due process in too many cases, or that younger women today are too sensitive, or that a couple of unsolicited kisses are not worth destroying a whole, otherwise good man’s career over.”
This arose in the context of the six complaints against New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, not all of which necessarily fall into the realm of what many “old” people would consider sexual harassment. Take the accusation of Jessica Bakeman, for example:
Jessica Bakeman, a former member of the Albany press who says Mr. Cuomo touched her inappropriately on multiple occasions while she was reporting on him and publicly demeaned her.
These two complaints are chosen because they remove the controversial aspect of hostile work environment, which has become whatever makes a woman feel uncomfortable, and instead deal with two accusers who didn’t work for Cuomo, could tell him to get lost any time they wanted and suffer no consequences. But what did Cuomo do that was so traumatic, so awful, so horrifyingly wrong, that they make the list?
Jessica Bakeman says he “touched her inappropriately,” which means absolutely nothing, but has become the sort of worthless vagary that suffices in the world of the unduly sensitive to suffice. Here are more details.
I walked up to the governor, who was in the middle of a conversation with another reporter, and waited for a moment when I could interject. He took my hand, as if to shake it, then refused to let go. He put his other arm around my back, his hand on my waist, and held me firmly in place while indicating to a photographer he wanted us to pose for a picture.
My job was to analyze and scrutinize him. I didn’t want a photo of him with his hands on my body and a smile on my face. But I made the reflexive assessment that most women and marginalized people know instinctively, the calculation about risk and power and self-preservation. I knew it would be far easier to smile for the brief moment it takes to snap a picture than to challenge one of the most powerful men in the country.
But my calculation was a bit off. I was wrong to believe this experience would last for just a moment. Keeping his grip on me as I practically squirmed to get away from him, the governor turned my body to face a different direction for yet another picture. He never let go of my hand.
Then he turned to me with a mischievous smile on his face, in front of all of my colleagues, and said: “I’m sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable? I thought we were going steady.”
I stood there in stunned silence, shocked and humiliated. But, of course, that was the point.
Unwanted touching? So she says, and there’s no reason to doubt her. Creepy? Sure, why not? Sexual assault? Are you kidding? He held her hand and touched her back, then made a joke about it. It may well have been unwanted. I know I wouldn’t want it. But sexual misconduct? Sexual anything? De minimis non curat lex, but is there anything de minimis when it comes to women traumatized?
As Emita Hill said, “males flirting or leering” just seems like a ridiculous reason to be so outraged as to demand punishment. Anyone claiming trauma from their hand being held, their back touched, is not what an older person would consider reasonable. And yet, it’s sufficient for the New York Times to characterize it as “inappropriate touching,” as if he groped her breast or, god forbid, stare raped her.
Are these absurdly oversensitive, hyperbolic cries by someone desperately seeking victimhood, or is it that us olds just don’t get it and we’re the ones being objectively unreasonable in our inability to take seriously these cries of pain and outrage over anything that offends the sensibilities of the most vulnerable victim among us?
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I know this is normally the domain of GD and Howl, but in case they let this opportunity slip by: https://youtu.be/0oVdYmURpwQ
Just this once. Don’t let it happen again, especially if it’s going to be Alice Cooper.
Fair enough, and I deeply appreciate the allowance. For some reason I thought Alice Cooper would have been better received…
[Ed. Note: I know, but he asked nicely.]
He held her hand and touched her back, then made a joke about it. It may well have been unwanted. I know I wouldn’t want it.
Poor SHG. Just weeks ago, it was considered chic to confess one’s Cuomosexuality in public. Doomed to always be a trailing indicator.
Inter alia.
In the 1982 Democratic Primary for New York Governor, it was Andy’s father, Mario, against New York City Mayor, Ed “How’m I doing?” Koch. You’ll never guess what Mario’s unofficial campaign slogan was.
Pssh. I know you’re old, but there’s no way you remember 1982.
Only some people who are hypersensitive to offenses get to vote speech and conduct off the island. “White fragility,” for example, only entitles one to be mocked for being offended. Clearly, there are some contexts in which even the most purposely offensive conduct is allowed by wokey privilege. So, knowing what may legitimately be done or said in any given instance is not simply a matter of identifying fragility. One must also determine if it is fragility that is entitled to deference, or fragility that can simply be mocked.
When the issue is resolved by identity rather than principle, it’s hard to know which victim is the most sacred victim on any given day.
The horror stories so many men could tell about the (especially liberal) women who insist on a hug and planting a peck on the cheek upon casual greeting. According to a statistic somewhere, 9 out of 10 men have been sexually harassed by our new and improved standards.
I’m one of those guys who prefers not to be hugged and kissed by random women, but refuse it and I’m the jerk. What about my feelz?
But you’re not as delicate. It’s such a fine line between woke and Victorian.
Indeed. When you hear of the woke putting pantaloons in the legs of their grand pianos, you’ll find out to which century we’ve regressed.
Kurt
I’m most amazed that someone who is supposedly smart enough to be a vp at a college could think that the accusations against Kavanaugh are somehow worse than those against Cuomo. Another example of politics warping objectivity.
Cuomo isn’t my governor, so I’m only half paying attention, but isn’t there an allegation that he stuck his hands under a woman’s shirt and groped her? If so, I’d personally count that as assault.
And as to Bakeman yeah that’s a pretty weak assault. But things can be terribly inappropriate without rising to the level of a crime. Especially between bosses and subordinates. I thought we settled that in the 90s.
The reason I used Bakeman as the exemplar here is because she was neither an employee nor alleged any actual sexual touching. Focus.
As for Kav, you expect too much for anyone in academe to not believe the woman.
I see. In fairness, in the 90s and the aughts, up until I retired 5 years back, I was a vp at a couple of energy companies (yes, an environmental criminal). In those positions I had a lot of people subordinate to me, many of whom were women. Somehow, some way, I managed to keep my hands off of every damn one of them. Governor Cuomo, obviously my better, should be able to do so as well.
You’re right, calling it a crime or an assault is dumb and it really cheapens victims of real assaults. But it’s still inappropriate. And he should be criticized for it, proportionally of course.
Funny thing is, imagine someone whose shoulder you touched, just as you would any person in the normal course of human endeavor without any thought of impropriety and no memory of it ever happening, claiming now you “inappropriately touched” her?
” . . . Trumps, Kavanaughs, Weinsteins, Cosbys . . . ”
Includes Kavanaugh in this August Company – The Ultimate Cheap Shot.
I imagine that women from prior generations were used to enduring so much worse that this particular complaint seems tame by comparison to them. While I generally agree that this example is being played up beyond what it should be, there are elements to it that do give me pause, especially him seemingly mocking her discomfort, reasonable or not.
People mock each other, sometimes with reason, sometimes in defense, sometimes for sport. I remember a conversation with a woman with whom I was very close friends about her reactions to guys in a bar. She was simultaneously angry when guys who didn’t interest her tried to pick her up and when guys she was interested in didn’t. I asked her, “how is the guy supposed to know whether his interest is wanted or not?” She told me, “that’s his problem, not mine,” and she had no issues humiliating the guy for choosing “poorly.” Today, he might be accused of harassment for it, because times have changed.
Yes, folks do insult each other, which is generally unremarkable in today’s climate. What hits me here, assuming her accusations as true for the sake of discussion, is that he is insulting her for her reaction to what he is doing. As in, he seemed to recognize that what he was doing was making her uncomfortable, and instead of apologizing, mocked her for that discomfort.
Enough to impeach a guy? Nah. But if it happened, we should expect better from folks today.
What I remain unclear about is whether he was “mocking” or just making a quip which, at the time, wouldn’t have give rise to a second thought to most people. There’s always someone who will take offense, or be hurt, by any attempt at humor, so are people constrained to never make a quip again lest it be deemed “mocking” but the peculiarly sensitive?
I note that the irony here is that I have no particular interest in defending Andy, for whom I hold no affection.