It started with an otherwise typical email, carrying the tantalizing subject line:
“What do you think of this “Why Does Anyone Drive Drunk? ” ?
I’m a sucker for anything with two question marks, so I opened it. The rest was similarly artful.
My name is Hemant and I’m working with Luhrsen Law Group. I found your website through Google and was impressed by what you’ve built here – I find your voice authentic and your content crisp and insightful.
We recently published an article titled “Why Does Anyone Drive Drunk? ” that fits perfectly with the rest of the content in the law niche on your blog. Any chance you’d publish it if you think it speaks to your audience?
I’d love to hear your suggestions and comments. Please let me know.
Putting aside how this “fits perfectly” with anything other than a few brewskis, what struck me is that this Hemant did the unthinkable. He was a marketeer’s gofer, but he named names. Luhrsen Law Group.
While I may be no fan of lawyers who outsource their ethics to guys named Hemant, I’m even less of a fan of guys named Hemant sending out emails blindly with a lawyer’s name in it. So I decided to give Hemant, who I hoped would tell the marketeer funding his mass emailing, a poke:
Why no, Hemant, I’m not interested in publishing such garbage at all, but I will enjoy publishing your email and ridiculing your client by name for being a marketing whore who has hired an asshole like you to disgrace him on the internet.
Under ordinary circumstances, that’s where it would end. I’m not sufficiently interested in pursuing anyone to waste the time or bandwidth, and really don’t want to name and shame unless someone is truly deserving.
Basic marketing scumminess just isn’t bad enough to me, though my pal Eric Turkewitz has had enough of it. For those of you who aren’t big into blogging, you really can’t appreciate the volume and brazenness of lawyer spam these days.
But my nasty response to Hemant did the unthinkable. It did what Ken at Popehat is always seeking. It brought a response from the main marketeer himself, David Faltz, whose marketeering URL is called follow the white rabbit. According to the Urban Dictionary, that’s a secret reference to gay sex, in contrast to my understanding that it was a flagrant reference to the race to the bottom.
That changed everything.
I would just like to say how inappropriate I think this response is. First off, our writers and writing is some of the best on the web, and outreach is part of expanding your audience, and building relationships. The normal course of a well oiled internet marketing plan, which your firm could benefit from to be quite honest.
Have you read any of the useless fodder disguised as blogs on your site? The are defined as headline chasers and are not unique or a viable source of information for anyone. Google penalizes sites for this nonsense. You have no resource high authority sites, and the couple of links you do have are commercial terms to your own site. This strategy is 4 years ago at best, and was never a solid strategy to begin with. Blogging on your own site will not improve your rank, it is meant to engage your readers.
So before you send nasty and insulting e-mails to my team or anyone looking to build a relationship with you, you must first look in the mirror. By looking at your back-link profile full of commercial anchors and barely any branded terms, and a marginal looking and functioning site at best, it looks to me like your the asshole who is disgracing the internet. There are so many issues with your on-page and off-page work, that you are obviously paying money monthly for, that I can not even begin to list the issues.
Barely any branded terms? I am a disgrace. So I pondered what someone like Faltz, a walking advertisement for the University of Florida (Go Gators!) remedial literacy program, brought to the table. Since his rabbit hole only opened last September, I followed his phone number to see where it was last used.
$50 is a pretty sweet price for all curly bond in styles, but there was no proof that Faltz was either that talented or previously went by the name Kellie. I checked Faltz on twitter, and found him to follow the usual marketeer’s hardworking path.
David B. Faltz
I’m at Starbucks (Fort Lauderdale, FL) http://4sq.com/1fDQlpQ
Translated from Estonian
But he was no slouch. As much as the email I received was on behalf of a Florida PI lawyer, he also was a big deal when it came to criminal defense lawyers. Aha! Maybe he knew what he was talking about, having posted an article under his own name entitled How To Survive The U.S. Criminal Defense System. And I didn’t even know we had a criminal defense system.
As violent crime becomes an integral part of life in theUnited States, the penal system continues to develop, as it has in the pastquarter century, in order to accommodate it.
When Faltz claims to have some of the best writers on the web, he wasn’t kidding. Only a headline and a sentence into his post and already everything I knew about law went out the window. Wondering how Faltz became so knowledgeable about the criminal justice, oops, criminal defense system, I checked out this video.
Any guy this impressive gives me pause to wonder, how much would I want him in control of my ethics. So I did what Faltz told me to do, and took a long hard look in the mirror and wondered, do I want to have an internet presence like his client, Jeffrey Luhrsen?
Granted, his Avvo “top contributor” award is impressive, but I couldn’t get to read his blog since none of the buttons on his website worked. That could be because the popup was a bit invasive, though, but I did get to read the one endorsement that kept reappearing, over and over and over. No wonder Hemant was working so hard for Luhrsen, without any qualms about including his name in the cold email.
After learning how important and skilled David Faltz was at internet marketeering, and staring at my terrible blawg, I was confronted with a difficult choice: should I toss it all in favor of this marketeer’s stern advice? I think I’ll pass up the chance to follow David Faltz down the rabbit hole.