Jeffrey Luhrsen Follows Marketeer David Faltz Down The Rabbit Hole

It started with an otherwise typical email, carrying the tantalizing subject line:

“What do you think of this “Why Does Anyone Drive Drunk? ” ? 

I’m a sucker for anything with two question marks, so I opened it. The rest was similarly artful.

Hi

My name is Hemant and I’m working with Luhrsen Law Group. I found your website through Google and was impressed by what you’ve built here – I find your voice authentic and your content crisp and insightful.

We recently published an article titled “Why Does Anyone Drive Drunk? ” that fits perfectly with the rest of the content in the law niche on your blog. Any chance you’d publish it if you think it speaks to your audience?

I’d love to hear your suggestions and comments. Please let me know.

Best wishes,

Hemant

Putting aside how this “fits perfectly” with anything other than a few brewskis, what struck me is that this Hemant did the unthinkable.  He was a marketeer’s gofer, but he named names. Luhrsen Law Group.

While I may be no fan of lawyers who outsource their ethics to guys named Hemant, I’m even less of a fan of guys named Hemant sending out emails blindly with a lawyer’s name in it. So I decided to give Hemant, who I hoped would tell the marketeer funding his mass emailing, a poke:

Why no, Hemant, I’m not interested in publishing such garbage at all, but I will enjoy publishing your email and ridiculing your client by name for being a marketing whore who has hired an asshole like you to disgrace him on the internet.

Well done.

Under ordinary circumstances, that’s where it would end. I’m not sufficiently interested in pursuing anyone to waste the time or bandwidth, and really don’t want to name and shame unless someone is truly deserving.

Basic marketing scumminess just isn’t bad enough to me, though my pal Eric Turkewitz has had enough of it. For those of you who aren’t big into blogging, you really can’t appreciate the volume and brazenness of lawyer spam these days.

But my nasty response to Hemant did the unthinkable.  It did what Ken at Popehat is always seeking.  It brought a response from the main marketeer himself, David Faltz, whose marketeering URL is called follow the white rabbit.  According to the Urban Dictionary, that’s a secret reference to gay sex, in contrast to my understanding that it was a flagrant reference to the race to the bottom.

That changed everything.

I would just like to say how inappropriate I think this response is. First off, our writers and writing is some of the best on the web, and outreach is part of expanding your audience, and building relationships. The normal course of a well oiled internet marketing plan, which your firm could benefit from to be quite honest.

Have you read any of the useless fodder disguised as blogs on your site? The are defined as headline chasers and are not unique or a viable source of information for anyone. Google penalizes sites for this nonsense. You have no resource high authority sites, and the couple of links you do have are commercial terms to your own site. This strategy is 4 years ago at best, and was never a solid strategy to begin with. Blogging on your own site will not improve your rank, it is meant to engage your readers.

So before you send nasty and insulting e-mails to my team or anyone looking to build a relationship with you, you must first look in the mirror. By looking at your back-link profile full of commercial anchors and barely any branded terms, and a marginal looking and functioning site at best, it looks to me like your the asshole who is disgracing the internet. There are so many issues with your on-page and off-page work, that you are obviously paying money monthly for, that I can not even begin to list the issues.

Well done!!!!

Barely any branded terms? I am a disgrace. So I pondered what someone like Faltz, a walking advertisement for the University of Florida (Go Gators!) remedial literacy program, brought to the table.  Since his rabbit hole only opened last September, I followed his phone number to see where it was last used.

$50 is a pretty sweet price for all curly bond in styles, but there was no proof that Faltz was either that talented or previously went by the name Kellie.  I checked Faltz on twitter, and found him to follow the usual marketeer’s hardworking path.

David B. Faltz@dfaltz                                22h

I’m at Starbucks (Fort Lauderdale, FL) http://4sq.com/1fDQlpQ 

Translated from Estonian

But he was no slouch.  As much as the email I received was on behalf of a Florida PI lawyer, he also was a big deal when it came to criminal defense lawyers. Aha! Maybe he knew what he was talking about, having posted an article under his own name entitled How To Survive The U.S. Criminal Defense System.  And I didn’t even know we had a criminal defense system.

As violent crime becomes an integral part of life in theUnited States, the penal system continues to develop, as it has in the pastquarter century, in order to accommodate it.

When Faltz claims to have some of the best writers on the web, he wasn’t kidding.  Only a headline and a sentence into his post and already everything I knew about law went out the window. Wondering how Faltz became so knowledgeable about the criminal justice, oops, criminal defense system, I checked out this video.

Any guy this impressive gives me pause to wonder, how much would I want him in control of my ethics.  So I did what Faltz told me to do, and took a long hard look in the mirror and wondered, do I want to have an internet presence like his client, Jeffrey Luhrsen?

Luhrsen

Granted, his Avvo “top contributor” award is impressive, but I couldn’t get to read his blog since none of the buttons on his website worked. That could be because the popup was a bit invasive, though, but I did get to read the one endorsement that kept reappearing, over and over and over.  No wonder Hemant was working so hard for Luhrsen, without any qualms about including his name in the cold email.

After learning how important and skilled David Faltz was at internet marketeering, and staring at my terrible blawg, I was confronted with a difficult choice: should I toss it all in favor of this marketeer’s stern advice?  I think I’ll pass up the chance to follow David Faltz down the rabbit hole.

64 comments on “Jeffrey Luhrsen Follows Marketeer David Faltz Down The Rabbit Hole

  1. REvers

    “Blogging on your own site will not improve your rank, it is meant to engage your readers.”

    Whoa. Who knew?

    1. SHG Post author

      Ironically, that’s not entirely true. You see, Faltz (whose website is under construction despite his being a social media rock star) has managed to get his client a Google pagerank of 2/10. This blog has PR of 6/10. Guess what’s gonna come up on page one?

      But then, this won’t quite work for Luhrsen, whose suspension from the practice of law for improper advertising with MADD has some decent page rank too.

  2. jakee308

    I would’ve thought that follow the white rabbit thing was from the Matrix.

    But then I missed all your blogging lately about booze and drunk driving/drivers.

    Can we look for some cool advice for dope smoker’s next?

  3. PDB

    “By looking at your back-link profile full of commercial anchors and barely any branded terms”

    What the hell does that even mean?

  4. Jeff Gamso

    I’m stuck back in the part about how the penal system has developed to accommodate violent crime. Who knew that the purpose of prisons was to provide an arena for crime? See, that’s what I could have learned from a real blogger like Faltz. But no, silly me, I keep reading this stuff instead.

  5. Turk

    First off, our writers and writing is some of the best on the web…

    Always a good clue that the rest of the post will be entertaining.

  6. David

    Are you a bigot or something?

    What is wrong with the name Hemant?

    He happens to be excellent at what he does, and just one member of my team. You are also making judgments about an article you did not even read based on a name you have a prejudice against.

    I just branched out on my own after being a partner in another agency, thus the reason for the coming soon page, and I just secured the number, which just like all numbers belonged to someone previously. I have been doing this for 5 years and I have been very successful. It is standard practice to name the firm in the outreach, so you know who you will be linking to.

    Honestly, this post is a joke and started with an extremely rude response, which I felt the need to respond to. A simple no would have sufficed.

    1. SHG Post author

      A simple no would have sufficed, but then I wouldn’t have had the pleasure of finding out what a monumental asshole you are. It enriched my life.

      1. David

        I am glad I could have oblige, and how I am the asshole? All we did was outreach to your firm in hopes of building a relationship, and you send back an inappropriate response.

        1. SHG Post author

          I am glad I could have oblige…

          Wow, you really do has “our writers and writing is some of the best on the web.” Protip: When you send unsolicited emails seeking to use others to further your business, you don’t get to choose how they respond. They do. And you’re an asshole because you’re an asshole.

          1. David

            I just think there is a common courtesy to the process. I came to the defense of my team cause you were rude, and obviously very bitter and unhappy person. I would do it again, even in light of this result. I am not dignify calling you names every time you decided to lash out and show your immaturity.

            1. SHG Post author

              I am not dignify calling you names…

              Oh, come on. Now you’re just doing it on purpose, right? I owe you no courtesy. I didn’t come to you. I ask nothing of you. I want nothing of you. But I do so enjoy your comments, because you has “our writers and writing is some of the best on the web.” Oh, and Go Gators!

            2. David

              Relationships are exactly what we seek, and the internet is a great way to source a quality lawyer. I see it happening everyday.

            3. SHG Post author

              Spamming, always a great way to develop relationships. Any other buzzwords you care to use to humiliate yourself further?

            4. Ken

              David:

              You say you seek to build relationships. Are relationships based on lying?

              “Hemant” says “I found your website through Google and was impressed by what you’ve built here – I find your voice authentic and your content crisp and insightful.”

              But you say Scott’s website is just awful.

              Was your company lying then, or is it lying now?

              Was Hemant — acting on your behalf — lying? Did Hemant — or someone affiliated with your business — actually review Scott’s web site and form those opinions of it? Or is that standard language you put in every email you send out? In other words, is it spamming puffery? If the lawbloggers responding to you ask around and locate every email your team has sent out, will we find that you say that to everyone?

              Is that how you “build relationships,” David?

            5. David

              The outreach email could, and should have been better. I concur with that. We could do a better job of making sure it was more personal. Duly noted. The goal is to build relationships with quality writing though, even if you do not agree.

            6. Turk

              I just think there is a common courtesy to the process.

              You thought wrong. Spammers earners contempt, not courtesy.

              And every reader here knows it’s spam because neither the initial email nor any of your responses demonstrate even a glimmer of knowledge of what this site is about.

            7. David

              Honestly I looked up your name, I came to this site http://www.shglaw.com/. My comments were based on blogs on listed there, not here.

              I agree the blog presented would not have been right for this site we are on today, but it is well written all the same. The writing on here is very well thought out and presented.

              I am not looking to make enemies, just looking out for my team. I felt the response deserved a rebuttal. However, I am accountable for my actions, and will not hide from the comments being made.

            8. SHG Post author

              So your explanation is you’re a moron as well as incompetent. That’s really not the best excuse I’ve heard today. As for making enemies, you’re way too far down the rabbit hole already. We aren’t your enemy. We’re the people laughing at you and your clients.

            9. David

              My answer is that I am not aware of every site my team reaches out to based on the parameters set forth. I saw your nasty response, I looked up the law firm name and it took me to the mentioned site. I assumed that was the one we were speaking in reference too. I did not know it was this site. I doubt that makes me a moron. It was an honest mistake.

            10. SHG Post author

              You looked up the law firm? So you can’t google either? Is there no end to your mad skilz?

              Protip: If you’re a moron, doubting something makes you a moron is an ineffective self-assessment. See also Dunning-Kruger Effect.

              I should be charging you for all this good advice.

            11. Jack B.

              I just think there is a common courtesy to the process.

              If you actually thought that, you would have shown some common courtesy and, you know, read this blog before submitting your Spam.

              “Lurk and learn” is one of the oldest forms of common courtesy on the web. Reading this blog and any of the sites in its blogroll for two or three days would have saved you a world of embarrassment.

            12. David

              Valid point. If I would have known, then I would have taken the time to read some posts. I made the mistake of looking at the wrong site. My team did a good job of locating you, and I did a poor job of responding base on the wrong information. The writing on here is solid.

            13. jakee308

              Any endorsement by this guy could damage your reputation. Time to consider a “Cease and Desist” Letter?

              Heck, you could use one of thousands found through Google and he’d never know the difference.

              Throw in some bad sentence formation and inappropriate verbs and you’ll be talking his language. (whatever that is)

            14. SHG Post author

              Being a lawyer and all, finding one on google really isn’t the way I would do it if I was so inclined. Just sayin’.

        2. Ken

          You’re not seeking to “build a relationship.” That’s marketeer bullshit. You’re looking for suckers to post your demi-literate drivel on their blogs to improve your clients’ web presence so they can make more money from the sort of clients who are deluded into thinking that a Google search is a smart way to find a lawyer.

          You are making the legal profession, the internet, and the world a worse place. Shame on you.

          1. UltravioletAdmin

            Also, doesn’t Florida have really strong rules about endorsements based on the internet? Pretty sure I read that on some blog with a back-link profile full of commercial anchors and barely any branded terms

    2. BRIAN TANNEBAUM

      “I have been doing this for 5 years and I have been very successful.”

      Clue #1 to run away, fast.

      1. SHG Post author

        I like it when they tell me what “standard practice” is, because it’s not like I received 10 billion email requests from marketeers, so how would I possibly know?

        I also like it when they tell me they’re very successful, especially when I’ve never heard of them before. See how much I learn?

  7. Joe Pullen

    “Google penalizes sites for this nonsense” I’m sure Scott is crushed by that thought. Simply crushed.

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  9. Matt

    Is this really a thing? Do random “SEBO” folks really just ask other blogs to post their crap for them?

    Isn’t this like saying “hey, I’ve done 0% of the work, can you do the other 100%”?

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