Great Stirrup Cay in the Bahamas is a private island owned largely by the Norwegian Cruise Line family of companies. This is not as glamorous as it sounds.

Let me explain. Back in the day in Appalachia, there were things called “Company Towns.” A very nearby version of one of these towns is called Alcoa, Tennessee (named after the Aluminum Company of America—Alcoa). These towns were completely owned by one company and often paid local workers in what was referred to as “Scrip”—or currency only redeemable in company town businesses.

Current day private islands are what you get when a billionaire executive does a line or two of blow, reads about company towns, and then buys an island with their hedge fund proceeds.

The first thing I want to mention about Great Stirrup Cay is that it’s still a work in progress. When we visited, our ship docked at a temporary dock and we made our way to a tram terminal up the hill. As we drove to the location for our buffet lunch, my wife and I noticed several “COMING SOON” billboards for water slides and attractions still under construction.

On arrival at the beach, my family checked in for our excursion of the day: swimming with pigs.
Yes, it sounds disgusting, but it’s kind of cute in practice. Locals took over a very small nearby island and put rescued pigs on it that learned to swim, do tricks, and generally act cute for pictures.

This same island is home to very friendly stingrays that will let you swim with and pet them. I write this with a measure of cringe to my typing as I am fucking scared to death of stingrays. One killed Steve Irwin, after all. I kept my distance from the stingrays until I heard one of the island’s workers say something about how the nature of Steve Irwin’s death occurred and what he did wrong around the animals.

So I bit the bullet and decided to hold one of the stingrays. They are incredibly soft to the touch. I also thanked Jesus for not having me die that day after holding said stingray.

Then it was time to feed the pigs and hold baby piggies. My kids and I got several great laughs out of making the pigs sit like dogs for pieces of apple. The piglets we held were adorable with one actually falling asleep in my arms.

After the excursion, we had a buffet lunch on the main beach of Great Stirrup Cay. It was positively midrange fare that was able to survive sitting out for hours in the sun. We ate what we wanted and then took the kids to a nearby waterslide area for children to, as Dr. Seaton says, “get some wiggles out.”

I was tasked with getting my wife and I margaritas at this point. Here’s a tip for all of you if you find yourself going to Great Stirrup Cay: Go where you smell cigarette smoke and hear people bitching about not having the drink package. THAT’S where you’ll find good margaritas on the island.

Before leaving, my wife wanted to go check out the local merchants’ wares near the main beach for knick-knacks and souvenirs. My kids agreed this was a proper course of action so I was outvoted. We quickly learned not only did most of these roadside merchants take credit cards, they also had a minimum purchase limit to use one’s credit card most of the time.

We didn’t patronize these folks. Not my place to talk you into a sale.

Anyway, that’s the Caribbean. It was a fun trip with my amazing family and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

See y’all next time!