Consider the next trend, BigLaw clerks are getting $50,000 bonuses this year!  According to Above the Law, four of the major New York law firms have decided to jump in so far.

Now let me be clear:  I’m no commie.  I am a capitalist, through and through.  But, this is just getting goofy, and one has to wonder what is going through the minds of the nice folks who make decisions about how much they need to pay kids who have yet to finish law school, can’t argue their way out of paper bag and wouldn’t know what to do with a case if it hit them between the eyes.  Do they really need to shove even more money down their throats lest these “best and brightest” be poached by some competing BigLaw firm?

Put aside the shear insanity of the endless money pit in absolute terms for a minute, and consider what this means for real lawyers, judges and clients.

Dear Mr. Client, ever wonder why that legal fee is higher than the gross national product of a small third world nation?  Do you really think it’s worth it to pay some kid with less legal experience than a gnat to hold the bag of some associate who tails behind some junior partner whose claim to fame is logging 3874 billable hours?

And dear brother solo practitioner, as you struggle to get quality clients into your office, and as your experience of 50 jury trials, hundreds of litigated motions and developing winning strategies in thousands of cases, you find yourself straggling behind library bench-warmers who are spoon-fed the belief that they have the midas touch to bolster their budding arrogance.

So Your Honor, as the years go by without the Legislature believing that your services are worthy of the price for a first year BigLaw association, you now have to worry about wage compression with law clerks!  The new career path has a fork in the road: Judge or Law Clerk.  Which has the promise of assuring your children will get those braces they need?

Guys and gals, get real.  This is a system that has shed all reason in the never-ending competition for the biggest of the big bucks.  Twenty-five years ago, we thought that this could never continue.  One BigLaw firm would up the ante and all the others would chant “me too, me too” so that they wouldn’t look like schnurrers in the club house.  But we were wrong.  Very wrong.  It has continued, and the ante gets upped and upped.  Worse yet, the clients, in mindless oblivion, continue to pay the tab for this insanity, as BigLaw profits challenge those of businesses that actually produce something with societal utility.

But a word of caution for you law clerks, flush with your bonus checks.  You will get your associates position, together with a pay check that will make your father’s head explode with pride.  But BigLaw will suck you dry, using up every waking hour and then some in the most miserable exploitation possible, until you awake one day and scream “I can’t take it anymore!”  And then you will move out to some firm or practice in the real world, where the receptionists desk isn’t gold-plated.   And at the end of the week, there will be a bunch of zeros missing from the paycheck, and you will struggle to keep up the lease payments on your Mercedes.

“Struggle” is a word that was never included in your personal financial lexicon.  Law can be a tough world.  The promises made during clerkship do not necessarily follow you throughout your career.  And you will look back one day and wonder why you were a million dollar baby at BigLaw, but are now just a lawyer.  You haven’t changed, except that you now have skills and experience.  The shock of reality can be quite difficult.  Enjoy your clerkship, as it can go downhill quickly from there.