As any of you who have had the good fortune to see me in action know, I am a fashion plate.  Cutting edge.  The height of style.  If the year was 1984.

But as my daughter (a true fashion connoisseur) says, there’s nothing wrong with looking good.  And so I try my best not to break any of the standard fashion rules.  No white socks with black shoes.   No white shoes after labor day.   I was once informed by an ADA during a bench conference that it was wrong to wear a poplin suit on September 9th in 90 degree heat.  It was just wrong.  I hung my head in shame.

But, while I will not discourage readers from making fashion inquiries here, and I will certainly endeavor to provide sound advice to all comers, I have just learned that one of my favorite things to do has fallen completely out of fashion.

That’s right.  I wear my cellphone clipped to my belt.  Yes, the batman utility belt look.  And now it’s gone.  Verboten. Taboo.  Unfashionable.

My wife has been telling me I look like a geek for years, but what does she know?  After all, she’s married to me.  I always knew where my phone was.  It was readily available.  It was just so darn utilitarian, and doesn’t form follow function?  What am I, a slave to fashion?

But once it hits the front page of AOL, where everyone will see it, it’s too late.  I’m a marked man.  Everyone will point and laugh at me, as if my pants were ready for the flood (or I lived in New Jersey, same thing). 

Of course, it’s not as if I use my cellphone.  Out of the 500 minutes I get every month, I generally leave 479 on the table, and I only use that much because my train is late 3 times a week.  Even my phone itself isn’t thin enough or cool enough.  I ordered this really cool motokrazr, but my daughter swiped it from me within minutes after it arrived.  She told me it was wasted on me.  I would take pictures with my phone, but I still don’t understand why anyone would want to.  Isn’t that why we have cameras?

But I digress.  Henceforth, cutting edge lawyers like me will no longer wear their cellphone on their belts with little clip-ons.  Thank goodness there was no mention of clip-on ties.  Only kidding.