Courtesy of Skelly, who always seems to find the most obscure things, comes this “Dear Client” letter from a public defender.  He’s not happy with his clients.  He’s not too thrilled with private lawyers (hey, I didn’t do it!) and he’s not afraid to (anonymously) says so.

It’s a fun read.  Don’t take it too seriously, and remember that everybody needs a chance to vent. (Warning, strong language ahead).

Dear Difficult Client

I can take kissing up to everyone. I can humble myself, I can self-flagellate and apologize for things that aren’t my fault. I can take being the punching bag for everyone else in the biz. Judges. Bailiffs. Interpreters. Privates. And oh the clerks. But what really sucks, what’s just too much to take, is that you shitbags in jail can have the nerve to tell me I’m not a real lawyer. Do you really think I’m not as good as the expensive lawyers? The ones who charge you $2000 to plea you out, when I would’ve gotten it dropped at trial? Or the ones who charge you the exact same plea that I would’ve gotten you? The ones who skip around courts and don’t work with the same judge and prosecutors day in and day out? The ones who have no relationships with these people, and no ability to predict what they’ll do? Those private law firms that have less than 10% the resources of my office? Do they have a team of investigators?

They work less to get paid much more than me, and you people actually respect those fucks. But they don’t give a damn about you. They just want your paycheck. And to plead you out as quickly as possible with a minimal amount of effort. Public defenders are different. We actually fucking care. Do you realize how much more I could make? Defending the shitbags with money? But I actually believe that a lot of you idiots are merely guilty of being stupid, and don’t deserve to be punished. And I love cross-examing cops. So show a little fucking respect. I work 80 hours a week for you jackasses. A little gratitude please.

And for God’s sake, don’t commit crimes in public. And avoid automobiles. And come to fucking court. And wear clothes with sleeves and legs. Idiots.

Feel better now?