About 25 years ago, I learned for the first time that I had family in Nigeria.  Back then, the news came by mail.  Later, by fax, I learned of more relative, all of whom were remarkably wealthy and unfortunately recently deceased.  Now, my relatives are dropping like flies, as I get about a dozen a day that somehow beat my spam filter.  It’s like some sort of plague.

How did I get on some list that is in the hands of every person in Nigeria with computer access?  I don’t have a clue.  It’s not that I don’t appreciate their thoughtfulness for letting me know how I can retrieve my many, many inheritances, but I’m just a simple soul and have no need of the billions of dollars sitting in banks across Nigeria.  If I ever get to Nigeria, I’ll just use it to buy a nice brunch for everybody.  If not, then I hereby donate it to all good causes in Nigeria.  But I have no plans to do anything else about it.  So all of my very helpful friends and relatives in Nigeria can turn their attention to more fruitful endeavors.  You’re wasting your time on me.

But the latest unsolicited come-on in my email box is not from those living so very far away who care so deeply for my welfare.  It’s the sudden influx of emails from lawyers who have just paid someone to create their website, which they title “Blog” so they can free-ride the wave of the blogosphere into the hearts and minds of potential clients surfing the web.

These emails offer to put my blawg into their blogroll, if only I will add them to mine.  They promise to give me access to their huge following of readers, all of whom are potential clients for me and will provide me with great riches and a huge increase in readership.  These blogs, of course, have been in existence for about 37 minutes and say absolutely nothing beyond how wonderful the Funk Law Firm is and why you should retain them immediately.

While I so greatly appreciate your offer to link your “blog”, all about the wonders of you and your firm, to my blawg, I must respectfully decline.  You see, I try to include a little substance in my blawg, the sort of thing that some people might want to read or might want to think about.  That sorta stuff.  You, on the other hand, want only to fish for clients. 

I could be wrong about this, but the use of the word “blog” to describe your personal advertisement really isn’t a good thing for the blawgosphere.  You see, nobody wants to come and read a blog that offers nothing of interest and serves only to self-promote.  It’s boring.  It’s pointless. It’s really pretty slutty.  You are clogging up the blogosphere with this self-aggrandizing crap, and that could drive people away from real blawgs because they get tired of finding lawyer commercials when they think they are going to find interesting information.

It’s not that I have anything against lawyers making money.  Trust me, I don’t.  But lawyer advertising is not blogging, and my blogroll reflects blogs that I read and think other people would be interested in reading.  I realize that whoever convinced you that anyone can create a “blog” and grow their practice told you that this is the way to market, but you may have been oversold.  Real blogs don’t do this. 

But if you’re disappointed that I have no plans to add you to my blogroll, don’t fret.  I have something even better as a quick and easy way to vast riches.  You see, I have a bunch of really rich relatives who recently died in Nigeria, and I’m more than happy to pass your name along because they all have a lot of money problems and are looking for someone to help them out.  If you’re interested, let me know by sending me an email soliciting a link to my blawg.  I’ll get the message.