In many communities, it’s traditional to take a walk around the neighborhood as the Christmas season approaches to see what’s up with the neighbors. While it’s a little harder to see the twinkling lights through the haze of the blawgosphere, today seemed like a good day for a stroll.
There’s much ado at the Legal Satyricon, where Marco Randazza, after his hiatus to re-establish himself on the left coats after being ordered to leave Florida post-haste, has resurfaced with a vengeance. From his forthright interview with the omni-hysterical Bitter Lawyer comes gems like:
So why didn’t you go to work for a bigger firm known for doing First Amendment stuff?
This was all back in 2000, one of the best job markets law had ever seen. But when I got my masters in 2002, things weren’t as good. The job market was just mediocre by comparison, and I didn’t like those Big Firms. I don’t fit in at Big Firms. I’d rather drive a stake through my balls than work in BigLaw, where it’s all about being a billing machine and ethics aren’t important.
This is why Randazza gets a Christmas card from Biglaw every year. The feeling, apparently, fell short of unilateral, and now everyone sleeps better for it.It’s a little known fact that Ron Coleman of Likelihood of Confusion, was once Randazza’s conjoined twin. To the right is the last photograph of taken before the risky surgery. While the operation was a rousing success, and Coleman has never again been invited to the Pornography Awards, the surgeons had to chose which of the pair would get the shared brain. Trying to even things up, of course, the surgeons gave the shared genitalia to the other. If only he knew what to do with it.
Down the road apiece was Jamie Spencer’s place, where he too was the focus of some external scrutiny. While commenting on a new local prosecutor blawg, D.A. Confidential, Jamie’s innocent question invoked the wrath of another commenter, calling himself Acerbic, who obviously ended up on the short end of the brains/genitalia continuum.
Dissatisfied with proving himself in the comments, Acerbic found it vitally necessary to immediately dedicated to Jamie. Naturally, Spencer responded with equal alacrity by capitalizing on his newfound title, The Unethical Attention-Whoring Crappy Douchebag Lawyer. For those of us who were hoping to garner the title for ourselves, too late. That lucky dog.
A few steps down was Amy Derby’s place, which was surrounded by her adoring fans following non-publication of her international best-selling book, Chronic Bullshit Syndrome.
Wouldn’t it be nice to read a book that isn’t a how-to for manipulating your online “friends” into joining your circlejerk for a profit? I thought so too. Hence, the birth of my latest work:
Case studies show that Chronic Bullshit Syndrome affects 4.7 out of 5 internet users* today, causing thousands of social networkers to walk around with their heads so far up their asses that they ultimately experience tragic health problems as a result.The marketplace, and your asshole, has had enough. For only $7, you can buy your copy of Chronic Bullshit Syndrome today. It’ll clear that shit right up.
I hoped to get Amy to sign a copy of my book with something inspiring, but she had already left to go on her national bogus book tour, where she hopes to try out every Chinese restaurant in the nation.
And finally, I arrived at the offices of Hull McGuire (formerly Julie McGuire and Whatshisname). It was late, but I could still see the candle burning inside where Dan Hull, surrounded by sleeping associates, was preparing a motion by writing in coal on the broad end of a shovel, his favorite legal delivery mechanism. I was deeply touched by his dedication, and feel compelled to share with you Dan’s extraordinarily touching, deeply sentimental, Christmas message:
It brings tears to my eyes every time.
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All that whining about not being able to do a Blawg Review, and here you are with a perfect template.
Hey Ed.! Sign this guy up for another…
I was moved by the holiday spirit. It’s gone now.
Anna-Lou “Annie” Leibovitz is an American portrait photographer whose style is marked by a close collaboration between the photographer and the subject…but I digress. Click on the photo of Randazza and Coleman above to learn more about this rare portrait of two giants of the blawgosphere.
Holy moly, I didn’t even know there was a link within that pic. The more you learn about Marco, the more you learn about Marco. Annie Liebovitz doesn’t hold a candle to you, Ed.
The link wasn’t there before.
I think Ed. hacked your blog.
Could be. He’s smarter than he looks.
More bad news soon for other CDLs…
My SEO folks are busy putting me at the top of the charts for all of the following search terms: lousy, worthless, substandard, dreadful, crummy, obnoxious, sleazy, despicable + “lawyer” and/or “attorney”.
But don’t call me greedy. I have left the rest of you two perfectly good adjectives: “Free” and “Pro Bono”.
The irony is, all he has to do is call me up and ASK what to do with his part of the deal. After all, I got the brain.
AND HE’S STILL TOO DUMB TO DO THAT.
(Sigh). Imagine how short-changed that leaves ME…
Keep Your Eye on the Prize: Advice for Solos & All Lawyers from Marc Randazza
So how does a real estate associate who barely found a job at a small local firm become one of the nation’s pre-eminent First Amendment lawyers with his own practice, representing clients like Above the Law or the guy who…