I don’t text.  But if this is the wave of the future, I might consider it.  This email arrived this morning:

Need help achieving a goal?  Let [deleted] keep you motivated and accountable. 

[Deleted] turns your mobile phone into your best friend, personal trainer, life coach and more by sending you daily text messages designed to encourage and motivate. Inspired by the movie Cast Away, [Deleted] ensures you’ll never be left alone to tackle life’s difficulties.  Examples of messaging plans offered by [deleted] include:

• Weight Loss
• Work/Life Balance
• Romance
• Quit Smoking
• Sales Motivation
• And More…

I’m already aware that text messaging costs extra on a cellphone, as I have children.  But monetizing that albatross is new to me.  Being a dyed in the wool capitalist, I’m impressed (and simultaneously disgusted] by the imaginative ways people find to try to make money.  This one is right up there with twitter expert.  The idea of paying for someone to nag you about diet, or working too hard (work/life balance is never about working too little), is genius.  And far cheaper than getting married.

No matter how ridiculous this proposal seems to me, somebody out there is likely saying to themselves right now, if only someone I don’t know would send me a text message reminding me to be more romantic, I would find love.  Isn’t love something you would pay for?  And if you call within the next ten minutes, you will also receive the fabulous bassomatic (plus shipping and handling).

Try as I might, I can’t fault the sender of this email for entrepreneurialism.  Hey, any idea to make money beats sitting on a couch eating Cheetos and cursing one’s parents is a good thing.  But what strikes fear in my heart is that he might actually be on to something.  Are there really people out there who are so fundamentally disconnected from real people, from friends and family, that they need to get their motivation via text message?

Granted, people often need some help in achieving their goals.  A timely word, or push, may spell the difference between success and failure in our daily lives.  Yet, seeking that push from a text message suggests that there is no one, absolutely no one, else in your life.  The idea that our love of technology, which allows us to sit physically alone and yet be surrounded by a virtual world of friends we’ve never really met, is leading us to such an isolated existence is shocking to me. 

The advocates continue to push the virtues of digital society, but ignore the dangers.  Where is the human contact that establishes real relationships, the kind where you actually shake a hand or kiss a cheek?  Where is the depth of friendship that exceeds 140 characters on a screen.  I hate to be a wet blanket, but you can’t have children when the closest you come to sex is a porno website.

As a person, the efficacy of this new-fangled money-maker strikes me as another nail in the coffin of humanity.  When the only empathy we see comes in the form of a text message, a twit, a blog post, it’s time to put the computer down and go out to a place where real people congregate.  You know, talk to a person who is actually standing in front of you.  And for crying out loud, change out of your pajamas and comb your hair.

As a capitalist, however, I fully support the idea behind this email.  And if your need isn’t motivational, but rather a bit of humility, I’m here for you with my new side business called “Get Off My Lawn Twits.”  Major credit cards accepted.