Minneapolis police officer Tony Adams is no kidnapper.  We know because a judge dismissed the kidnapping charges and a jury acquitted him of disorderly conduct and interfering with a 911 call.  It isn’t that he didn’t do what was alleged, however.

A Hennepin County jury on Tuesday found that an off-duty Minneapolis police officer did not break the law when he handcuffed two boys he suspected of playing ding-dong-ditch and breaking into a car in his Brooklyn Park neighborhood, then drove them to his house while their parents feared they had been kidnapped.

Apparently, ding-dong-ditch is taken very seriously in Minneapolis.  Maybe it’s a gateway crime that could lead to more serious conduct, such as, well, kidnapping.

There was no question that Adams put Tyler Farrell and Jake Robinson, ages 13 and 12, in his police-issued Cadillac Escalade and drove them to his house, after which he drove them to their parents as the Farrells were on the phone with 911 calling about their kidnapped son.  Adams never told the boys he was a cop, but then, they’re just kids.

When Adams brought the boys back, he wasn’t in a mood to put up with the parent’s beef.

On the 911 tape, when the Farrells and other neighbors said they were calling police, Adams was heard responding, “I am the goddamn police” and “Don’t tell me I can’t grab them.” [Prosecutor] Martie alleged that Adams then took Tara Farrell’s cell phone from her and threw it into the street just as Brooklyn Park police officers arrived. Those officers later let Adams go.

Clearly, Adams had a point.  Don’t tell him he can’t grab them. He can.  He did. He beat the rap.  After all, he’s the “goddamn police,” and when the “goddamn police” snatch two kids and spirit them away to the cop’s house, it’s not like some sicko sex offender hand-cuffed them,forced them into a non-police-issued Cadillac Escalade and drove them to his house.  Oh no, it’s entirely different.

There is the sense that some may be wondering at this juncture whether this is standard operating procedure for the police, and thinking to yourselves that if this isn’t, as some may think it shouldn’t be, then why isn’t it kidnapping when a police officer engages in conduct that would pretty much bring universal condemnation down on anyone else in the world.  Hah!  You silly people.  You obviously weren’t paying attention, or else still believe in the tooth fairy.

“I am the goddamn police.”

This alone is all that’s needed to distinguish between a crime, one that would suffice to put its perpetrator on the sex offender registry (just in case you were wondering), and a police officer protecting and serving.  It’s all in the shield.

There are some who will see this in an Andy Griffith/Mayberry RFD sort of way.  Better that a cop puts the fear of God into two yutes and thus leads them away from the path of ding-dong-ditching and onto the path of righteousness, than arrest them and send them to juvey jail.  The old woodshed method of justice, if you will.

Of course, Andy would have brought the boys straight home after a stern talking-to, and their pappy would be the one to take them behind the woodshed.  These days, its not merely creepy for Adams to keep two boys in handcuffs at his home, but eerily close to the rationale for turning your basic everyday kidnapper into a sex offender.  It’s not left to a cop to decide to circumvent the precinct and use his house instead, though it doesn’t seem to present a problem to the fair-haired folks of Minneapolis.

And after all, it’s entirely different when the kidnapper is a cop.

H/T James