Mark Bennett does what one would expect of a mature, knowledgeable, dedicated lawyer. He tries to guide new lawyers down the straight and narrow path. Old lawyers too, but that’s a different matter. And so he offered some insight to a lawyer who reached out to him, Matthew Chappell.
The problem was that Chappell wanted to sneak into a program at Fidelity Investments by hiding behind a graybeard, because he lacked the requisite experience for participation. He had “family friends” on the inside, but even they couldn’t get Chappell in without a straw-lawyer. So Chappell hit the streets looking for a willing mark. Bennett noted that this was not a savory approach for a lawyer to take, and urged Chappell to reconsider his ill-advised strategy.
While Chappell was a baby lawyer, with less than two years practice under his belt, at 42 years of age, he was no kid. This is mentioned only for the sake of suggesting that his reaction to Bennett’s thoughtfulness was ungracious.
And now you’ve committed a handful of torts, including libel by taking my words out of context and tortious interference with business.
Enjoy the lawsuit I’m in the process of filing against you, psycho, arrogant, inferiority complex-ridden moron.
A simple “thank you” would have sufficed. And because baby lawyers are filled with their newfound magic powers, his alter ego, also named Matthew Chappell, sent off a letter, by certified mail, because that’s what baby lawyers feel inexplicably compelled to do to demonstrate their mad lawyer skillz.
Bennett sent off this peculiar demand letter to Marc Randazza for response.
Protip: If you want to know whether a lawyer is highly-regarded, notwithstanding what anyone else has to say, check who lawyers use when they need a lawyer. I trust Randazza. Bennett trusts Randazza. Connect the dots.
After carefully verifying the source of this letter, Randazza gave the official response.
But being a generally helpful sort of guy, I offered to help out in a smaller, more personal, way. Within Chappell’s very official lawyer letter is this demand.
Before taking these steps, however, Mr. Chappell has generously decided to give you the opportunity to discontinue your illegal conduct by complying with this demand within ten ( 10) days. Accordingly, please compose a written apology to Mr. Chappell in which you agree to, first, issue a clarification and retraction on your “blogsite”, and second , remove the blog that refers to Mr. Chappell and/or any other media associated with Mr. Chappell ‘s name and/or law practice. AGAIN, YOU HAVE TEN DAYS, SIR.
Before you suffer the obvious reaction, that Matthew Chappell is a flaming asshole followed by hysterical laughter, remember that despite his being of sufficient age to know better, he remains an infant in lawyer years, and hence should be treated with the empathy and kindness any new lawyer deserves. With this in mind, I offer my assistance in the preparation of an apology on behalf of Mark Bennett, mindful that he has “TEN DAYS, SIR.”
I am sorry. Sorry that my words hurt your feelings and caused you pain in your safe space. I understand that there is a lot of that going around amongst students and those fresh out of school. They lose sleep. They can’t eat. Their penis shrivels up into nothingness. That’s very sad, so it’s no wonder you were so deeply wounded by not receiving the validation young lawyers so desperately desire these days.
I am sorry that you left whatever you were doing before you decided to become a lawyer (you were a teacher, I see, but that only tells a bit of the story), only to find that whatever failure you encountered in your life remained with you as you sought to become more than the sniveling weasel you were before. It’s hard to go through life as a desperate failure. I feel your pain.
I am sorry you thought you found a way around your miserable existence by soliciting lawyers to facilitate your Fidelity Investments scheme. It probably seemed like such a good idea at first, as people with avarice in their hearts assume everyone else is similarly unethical, happy to enable a hungry lawyer to make a buck any way they can.
But mostly, I am sorry that you wasted that law school tuition, to get an education in a profession in which you don’t belong.
With deepest apologies,
And if that isn’t sufficient, there’s always this:
After all, Matthew Chappell isn’t quite a manly man like Carl David Ceder (“Again, remember to bring a first aid kit.”), so a nice kitten pic will likely go a long way. And don’t forget, “AGAIN, YOU HAVE TEN DAYS, SIR.“