There were a bunch of stories, a couple decisions, a few commentaries, that I wanted to write about this morning. I’m not. Instead, I’m writing this. I’m writing this because I’m angry.
My early morning, the time that I use to write, was consumed with dealing with OPFs, Other People’s Fuck-ups. It wasn’t one. Not ten. It was a far more substantial number. It wasn’t people who were doing me a favor, but people and businesses who get paid to provide a good or service. And some do, except they do it wrong. And others promise to do it, but then don’t, or at least don’t within the time frame it needs to get done.
They apologize for the inconvenience. They understand my frustration. What they do not do is their job.
Some offer excuses, usually related to how difficult it is to get things right. Some explain their policy, which is essentially their way of telling you that as happy as they may be to take your money, they feel no compulsion to do anything in exchange. Some just shrug and tell you they will correct their mistakes. And maybe they will. Eventually. Or maybe they will make a change and then test your fortitude to catch their latest fuck-up or go through the process of trying to fix it again.
I’ve noted in the past that young people seem to take this for granted. They don’t expect anyone to get anything right, so when they are confronted with OPFs, they aren’t bothered. They expect to be treated like dirt, so don’t perceive being treated like dirt as being treated like dirt. Rather, it’s just the way things are, and they’re fine with it.
The people and companies with whom they do business have no incentive to treat them otherwise because they have trained young people to be treated like dirt and continue to do business with them nonetheless. Usually, young people thank them for undoing their mistakes, as if the business has proven their virtue by getting it wrong and then correcting it. Even if the correction is similarly wrong. They respond, “thank you sooooo much” when someone putatively fixes the problem that should never have happened. The other person replies, “no problem,” as if they were doing them a favor rather than getting paid for whatever it is they should have done, but did wrong.
I have a theory as to why the failure of others has become so acceptable. It’s because the people seeking to correct someone else’s failure are just as bad. They do the least amount of work possible, put in the least thought possible, exert the least effort possible, all to see whether they can get away with it.
It’s not that they feel as if they’re getting away with anything. This isn’t done maliciously. Malice requires a certain degree of thought, and that is more effort than they are willing to give anything other than the choice of their next shiny toy. No, it’s not that they mean to screw up. They just mean to do the least amount of work possible, put in the least possible amount of thought they can. After all, if they screw up, someone will tell them and then they will put in that smidgen of additional thought and start the cycle over again.
And get back to you? Don’t hold your breath. Nobody gets back to anybody. At least not when they’re supposed to. When they say they will.
We’re up to our eyeballs in excuses. What we can’t seem to accomplish is getting things done right the first time.
But in that rarest of circumstance, when someone actually does what they say they’re going to do, gets it right, we adore them. Not because they given us more than we paid for, gone above and beyond. Just because they actually did what they were supposed to do. Our expectations are so low that we thank them profusely for doing nothing more than what we paid them to do. It’s a miracle.
As a collateral observation, it’s remarkable how well you think of yourselves, how smart you are, how utterly brilliant, when there isn’t a thing you do that isn’t crappy, late or half-assed. There’s a good chance that mommy never told you this, but other people don’t think you’re nearly as swell as you think you are. Your peers won’t notice or care, but us dinosaurs think some of you are kind of lazy, careless and stupid. No, we don’t really care that it hurts your feelings. Maybe if your feelings were hurt a whole lot more, you wouldn’t be such entitled and narcissistic little brats. Maybe you wouldn’t be the cause of OPFs.
There was a concept that parents taught children back in the old days of dinosaurs and Conestoga wagons. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. This is probably on a list of microaggressions put out by an Ivy league university.
I would write more, but I have more things to do this morning to fix OPFs. Don’t “explain” to me why this happens, or why it shouldn’t be a big deal, or why this is the new normal. I’m well aware. But this dinosaur is angry about it. If we were all unwilling to accept living with OPFs, maybe there wouldn’t be so many OPFs.
Sorry that there are no typical SJ posts this morning. Somehow, I manage to write posts almost every day. I just get things done. That’s what us old, out of touch, guys do.
Just not today, because I’m pissed.
/rant
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What you said!
Have you tried yelling “Stop Resisting?”
You have it backwards. They would be the ones yelling “stop resisting,” as they beat me into submission.
I’ve actually wondered about that before. Your quantity of regular output for content is pretty damn impressive for the quality, I’d say. Anyway, I’m sure any reader will manage to eke out a successful day even with only a single SJ rant to read.
So I ask myself, does this guy realize what he’s just said? Does he mean to insult me, or is he just that stupid?
I read that as a compliment. He’s praising the quality and is impressed that you can put out so many posts. As he should be.
YMMV, of course, but that’s what it looks like to me.
Not when quantity is the qualifier for quality.
I honestly think he meant that the quantity is impressive ESPECIALLY considering how good the quality is.
That would have been nice.
Prickly, aren’t you? Would you be appeased if I made quality the qualifier for quantity?
You must be new around here.
I apologize for the inconvenience and understand your frustration. We’re working hard to improve the quality of our comments and assumptions and look forward to commenting in the future.
You realize how cruel it is to get my hopes up this way?
whatever it is that will calm you , I’m withholding because you just provided me with SHGism #27:
“So I ask myself, does this guy realize what he’s just said? Does he mean to insult me, or is he just that stupid?”
This is great. At least one of us is pleased and if not you, Ill get #28.
What? You want half the royalties?
Remember to conduct yourself with the decorum of an Admiral in the Nebraska Navy.
My personal guess is: It is impossible to stop being a customer with the biggest, most expensive company of them all: The government. And so the government, from lack of competition, has piss poor customer service. The more parts of our lives the government takes over, the more parts of our lives just has guaranteed poor service.
Nice tin foil hat.
My younger daughter keeps me on an even keel by constantly assuring me of my lack of brilliance and un-smartness. On the other hand, you missed the corp-speak for OPFs. When you hear, “We are taking this matter seriously…”, you know you’re screwed.
“Your call will be answered by the first available representative…” It doesn’t matter what the message is. It’s all bullshit.
If you hate customer service in the US, seriously, never, ever go to the UK!
You would likely blow a gasket.
Everybody – and I mean everybody – you deal with over there acts like they were just hired 5 minutes ago, has no clue about or interest in their job, and is making it up as they go along.
It’s not just customer service reps, or big corporations. It’s everything, everywhere. It’s the plumber, the newspaper delivery guy, the barista.
If you want good service from the barista, you have to order the Feminist Studies Latte with room for whine.
I’ve found barista service is directly tied to the quality of their tattoos.
Must be a New York thing. Most of the businesses I deal with do it right the first time, or apologetically rush to fix their screw-ups (like the guy working on the furnace ducting that put a foot through the ceiling.. they got a skilled sheetrock guy in to fix it the same day). OTOH, I drop the businesses that don’t do it right or make it right like a hot rock and try their competitors instead.
Is it a woman thing that makes them think it’s all about them, and that they need to say so?
That would be quite true, if the customer service weren’t so ruthlessly abysmal that it transcends the pain point and becomes funny as hell. (Also, it helps if you watch lots of Monty Python and Fawlty Towers, with the understanding that it’s more documentary than fiction.)
One of my favorite real-life anecdotes: in 1985, I walked into the same chippy I’d been getting lunch from for the past 3 weeks, and ordered my usual “two fish and one chip.” The price, quoted by a lady I hadn’t seen before, was 15p more than usual, and when I expressed surprise at the increase, I was informed that the discount was for the combination of “fish and chips”, not for “two fish and chips.” So I changed my order on the spot, and got the exact same thing for 15p less than she was originally going to charge me.
I had a coupon for $25 of merchandise free. I picked something out for $22, but the cashier refused to honor the coupon. Said I needed a total of $25. I shrugged, picked something stupid off the rack next to the cashier, total was $25.01. Gave her a penny, handed the stupid item to a child standing at the next cashier (with his mother’s approval,” shrugged and walked out. The cashier felt validated, as my merchandise met the $25 threshold. The child loved the tchotchke.
It’s odd that the same generation that takes other people’s screwups on things they’re really supposed to be getting right as no big deal is also the group who gets up in arms about every perceived microaggression. That seems kind of contradictory; how can they be so easygoing and uptight all at once?
Maybe not that much of a mystery.
A lot of millennials seem to worry much more about how something is said rather than what is said. I sometimes get crosswise with people with similar attitudes — they deliberately offer unconstructive criticism in what they seem to feel is a “nice” way (e.g. usually passive-aggressive), and I don’t respond in a manner they deem appropriate (e.g. I’m usually aggressive-aggressive), and then they attempt to dress me down for not being nice. That never elicits a response they deem any better than the first one they received, but at least most of them are smart enough to give up after that.
30+ years ago I sat through a series of excellent videos presented by one of the quality gurus of the times, Dr. Joseph Juran. One thing he said has stuck with me all of these years, was about the perils of “Ready…Fire…Aim” thinking and actions.
At the same time I had a tougher than 12 penny nails boss named John who was the production planning manager. Every morning John held a production meeting that lasted about 90 minutes. The only things he wanted to heard from each individual in the room is what they were going to get done and by when. The next morning he’d hear the results, did people complete their commitments. Woe to any who didn’t fulfill their commitments or tried to sputter excuses.
I am indebted to Dr. Juran and to John for teaching me valuable lessons very early in my career. These serve me well now that I am in the twilight of my career, and I teach these lessons to those who are coming after me.
Thirty years ago. Sounds about right.
20) I love most veggies. Not broccoli.
You’ve been served broccoli.
That’s the solution. Just love broccoli. Problem solved.
Yeah, I hate it when the cable goes out too.
Dude, I guess you’re really upset that I forgot to put the chocolate sprinkles on your latte!
Latte? It was a mocha frappucino.
Is this the standard “I have had it not taking anymore” post where you claim to quit but then stay after the sycophants ram up your ass more platitudes? Or is this the standard “daddy’s pissy” bitch fit so that you can demean and pussy whip those whom you don’t like/know/can?
You must be a hell of a fuck. Take that any way you choose
This is whatever you want it to be. Which one makes you feel less pathetic?
Oh, #28 for sure. I’ve managed to piss off lots of people on the net with just the first 10 SHGasms. With 28 and counting , I’ll be awesomely hated by everyone in an internet discussion by the time I get tired of compiling.
Being hated takes more work than just spewing SHGisms (not -asms, that’s something else entirely).
SHGASMS may have been correct. Implying a certain amount of emotional release.
– Humbly speculating.
Why must you people keep imputing emotionalism into my reactions? There’s nothing emotional about them. Trust, me, I’m almost always around when an -asm occurs, and it’s entirely different.
I was speaking from personal experience about the glee I get when I have the chance to say things like “sit down we have to talk and it’s going to make you sad.” No emotional imputation on you was intended.
Don’t underestimate your ability to make people think you’re a dick.
Oh,wow, there’s #30.
And tough, I trademarked SHGasms.
I don’t underestimate my ability. I don’t overestimate yours.
I’ve been known to say on the phone, “No you are not sorry for the problem you caused, just shut up and fix it.” This was after getting transferred a few times, explaining things again, and listening to them say they were sorry for the problem.
Yay, we’re up to the part where you ask us what our worst customer service calls are!
My personal favorite: is there anything else I can help you with today after failing to fix the first fuck up. If I could reach into the phone and strangle a corporation….
Rarely is there anything useful to be said to a CSR. It’s not their fault they’re told to utter the words on their script.
I get it. I’ve been the person with the script. It sucked. When I did it for college soliciting donations from alumni (hey, I needed to eat), I learned the game and became good enough that they let me toss the script and not get in trouble.
They even offered me a real job in the fundraising unit after graduating. I declined.
But to do that and get away with it required a measure of competence and the ability to know the limits of what you can get with. Unfortunately, in most of these CSR positions, there’s no wiggle room.
Can we move on from CSRs to, you know, everybody else?
Maybe if you tell them to get off your lawn they’ll get to work?
It doesn’t help because no one listens to me anyway. But it does make me feel better.
If I’m furious with a company, enough to call, I tell the person on the other hand that I’m mad, but not mad at them. It helps to get things done. Especially if it’s some poor bastard from India whose sole job is to be the flack-catcher. I know you’re not big on feelz, but it tends to help me get what I want.
Unless of course, that person *is directly responsible*. Then a good blistering will do.
That’s all fine, but really has nothing to do with this post. It’s not a post about CSRs. Please don’t make it a post all about CSRs. Please.
Kitchen Aid again?
Nothing whatsoever to do with Kitchenaid.
Animal, Vegetable, or Mineral?
All of the above.
An animate vegetable with rocks for brains.
The reward (or penalty) for doings things according to the book (whether or not that actually solves the problem) is exactly the same for solving the problem (whether or not the solution was in the book). In fact, sometimes solving a problem (but not following the Established Procedures) is worse for the employee than solving a customer’s problem. Yes, there’s the inner reward of getting the job done right…but that’s not enough for many people.
This becomes ingrained at schools where the right answer with work that the teacher deems incorrect is marked lower than the wrong answer with work the teacher deems almost correct.
Twenty-five years ago, a co-worker and I watched our employer pack the ranks with new employees based solely on their races and gender. It was called affirmative action. “The standard must be lowered,” we were told, “to meet our hiring goals”. Together, we predicted that it would take a good twenty years for every last person with a clue to be retired.
Here we are now. Expertise is ridiculed, knowledge is a dirty word, and skill has be reinvented.
Have a better weekend, Scott.
“They apologize for the inconvenience. They understand my frustration. What they do not do is their job.”
Their job is to tell you to fuck yourself without saying “fuck yourself.”
That’s very cynical. Worse, it’s not true. It’s to make me feel as if someone gives a shit without having to actually do anything substantive. They want happy customers. They just don’t want it to cost anything.
Sounds like you’re trying to get work done on your house…
As I remember the 1960s, this is how the Japanese blitzed the British, from a NZ perspective. The whole economy from manufacterer to sales was startlingly new and focused compared to what we had been used to from importing in a monopoly situation with ‘the old country’.
Maybe America has got too complacent in its role of having the world come to it, and what you’re now seeing internally is what we have dealt with for the last 50years.
But isn’t personal service what its all about?
You can argue a fine point of law for hours, basing your entire reasoning on an single dissenting judge’s opinion from a 1732 case from England’s Court of Common Pleas and use that to win your entire case based on a public policy argument. Clients look at that as lawyers just doing their job.
But call a client on a Sunday to see how they are doing, and they gush over how you’re the best lawyer ever, because you care so much.
Why yes (though if you call on Sunday, that means the client gets to call you on Sunday as well, so not Sunday). Not just personal, but actually giving a shit. But they do still care that we win.
Giving a shit and doing a good job? How 80s of you.
Next thing you’ll be saying is you’re wearing a members only jacket, or wearing pastel t-shirts and a sports jacket. There are certain lines I won’t cross. Not then, not now, and not ever.
But flairs and platform shoes are another story.
I never had a Members Only jacket, and I was definitely no Don Johnson, though I would have taken the Ferrari.
Even if you are paying these people, and they previously agreed to your conditions for that payment, I’m pretty sure that you badgering them about performance and timeliness marks you as a white supremacist.