May the force be with you? Not in Austin, Texas, baby. Which is odd, since even though it’s the capital of the Republic, most Texans view Austin as the Texas version of Portlandia, some odd enclave of hippies munching down on kale chips with their barbecue. Fortunately, the Austin Police are there to remind those libs that it’s still Texas.

Austin police forced to taser man as group of kids gathers to watch

Forced? As in, someone put a gun to their heads and said, tase ’em or else?  Not quite.

On Friday, two Austin police officers on patrol in the downtown area of East 7th street near The Austin Resource Center (ARCH), saw a man sitting in a swivel office chair in the middle of a sidewalk. The man was described in police documents as a 6 foot 9 inch, 300 pound, black male by the name of James Houston.

Whatever exactly Houston was up to, which concededly emitted an unpleasant odor, it wasn’t violence.  He posed no threat of harm to the cops. He was a big guy, tall, heavy, but contrary to the post hoc rationalizations of scaredy cats, size isn’t a crime. It’s an excuse.

As blocking a walkway is a violation of city ordinance, police went to speak with Houston. When police asked about the money, Houston replied by saying that he got a check every month and began to stand up. At that point officers asked him to stay seated and give them his I.D., records show.

Was he blocking a walkway? Maybe, though sitting in a chair on the sidewalk doesn’t mean he was blocking anything. Lots of people sit on chairs on sidewalks and somehow survive.  In fact, it’s pretty darn hard for one person to block a walkway just by sitting in a chair, unless it’s a really small walkway or a really big chair. But when you want to manufacture an excuse, anything will do.  And there’s nothing like the slightest hint of a heinous city ordinance violation to give the cops something to latch onto.

“We’re not scaredy cats. We just like looking cool.”

But even if Houston was blocking a walkway, why were they “forced” to tase him?

According to documents, while all of this was happening, three large vans of children pulled up to help donate food and water to the needy citizens of the ARCH. A large group had now gathered around the incident “eager to watch the detainment”, say police.

Those kids of hippies, always doing good. But what kid doesn’t enjoy a good show of force? So the police, ever there to please, did it for the children.

As there was concern for the large group now gathering, police went to take Houston down to the ground. According to records “His sheer size made it difficult to handcuff him” so police pulled out a Taser and tased Houston for 5 seconds. Houston made attempts to reach for a pocket causing officers to use their tasers again.

This is one of the more bizarre efforts to twist reality to fit conduct. Concern for children watching justified the use of force against Houston? If you squint really hard, this makes sense in some parallel universe, but one thing has nothing to do with another unless you make a series of inferential leaps that defy any logical connection. Assuming that this had anything to do with concern for the children, so move them along. Or leave Houston alone, given that his offense of blocking the walkway is utter nonsense anyway.

But no. The cops were “forced” to use force.  But it’s not as if they were predisposed to using force, because it’s not like the cops in Austin have force issues, right?  Or maybe they do.

You never know when a second grade teacher will come along, whose understanding of how she’s allowed to interact with the police is based on her position on the good guy curve, where she naively believed that a normal person, stopped for an offense as heinous as speeding, does not pose a sufficient threat to the life of a cop under the First Rule of Policing that he would immediately turn to a throw down to demonstrate his command presence. Oh cool, he tossed a woman. What a manly cop he is.

Of particular note in the video is how the officers lifted Breaion King from the ground after she was cuffed. It’s not enough that she was thrown to the ground, twice, for not realizing the true meaning of compliance, so they lifted her up by hyperextending her arms and shoulders just to remind her what pain feels like.

But in the cruiser afterward, Austin police officer Patrick Spradlin explained the problem in greater detail.

Violent tendencies. No wonder the Austin cops were scared to death of second grade teacher and speeder, Breaion King, who had mad violent tendencies as proven by her dark skin.

As for the money counting, walkway blocking, James Houston, what possible choice did the police have once there were oodles of children watching?  Clearly, they had to do something. The only curiosity is that they were forced to tase him when a few bullets in his very large body would have made for a much better show.  After all, if the children want a show of force, isn’t it the job of the Austin police to give it to them?