After last year’s trauma at Yale, sensitive parents are wondering what they can do to prevent their children from being beaten by the mob. Fortunately, I’m here to help. No need to thank me. It’s for the children*.
Dress your child in the wrong costume at your peril, as the socially just will do what they have to do to protect themselves from the trauma of seeing your darling little pirate and suffering terminal PTSD.
That’s right. It’s not just that they’ll be denied candy. It’s not that they’ll be humiliated and turned away for being a cultural appropriator who microaggresses some homeowner by dehumanizing them with a Superman outfit (Kryptonians have feelings too, you scumbag). Expect legal action as well.
After all, when you dress your “annoying little shits” as a sexist princess, you are intentionally traumatizing the woman of the house. Don’t you care about other people at all, you shitlord?
So what should you pick out for a tolerant, sensitive costume for your kid? How about sexy SJW?
No, it’s not an easy look to pull off, but isn’t it worth it to save some homeowner from tears?
But no, you cisheteronormative white landowner, you aren’t relieved from your privilege either. What treat do you plan to hand out to the beautiful children who come to your door? Don’t even think of giving them fun-sized gluten-free PayDay bars! Just the thought of it makes me literally shake.
Where do you think you live, in the land of opportunity?
And have a Happy and socially just Halloween.
*Edit: Realizing that some wouldn’t realize the poster (and this post) are parody, it seemed only fair to add in the link after the post was originally published. Good parody can be hard to discern. See Poe’s Law.
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Pay Days are full of peanuts, so that’s a double no-no. Allergies, you know.
I’m giving out tofu-covered kale chips. But only to the ones dressed as victims.
Sexy victims or any victims?
Well, they’re kids, so let’s hope they don’re try too hard to be sexy.
Unless they’re sexting victims . . .
I was thinking lettuce. Organic, fair trade lettuce.
Just make sure you’re not anywhere near the house giving out organic, free-range eggs.
Google “The Teal Pumpkin Project”
There are various folks pushing people to give non-food allergy-free treats instead of candy.
Teal?
First rule of being sensitive to others: don’t call them “annoying little shits”.
So plain old “little shits” is good? Asking for a friend.
“Little” is sizist.
Well then, “shits” it is.
Now you’re just taking the piss — “shits” is waste-ist.
That’s ableist against people who are rectally incontinent.
Check your privilege.
So is it still okay for a parent to wear a french maid costume when they accompany their appropriately dressed children?
Of course. Or even when they don’t.
Only OK for the father.
Gaia’s Dancing Indigo Children? Isn’t that the group encouraging veteran suicide?
The poster is a parody of social justice. You’re a parody of the opposite. You meant to be that, right?
I hate to burst the bubble, but it’s a pretty obvious parody account.
“From the group that brought you such classics as Gaia’s Dancing Indigo Children, and “Hey everyone, Look, I’m a doctor with a revoked license,” comes a new page with even more ridiculous posts. We practice half ass medicine and encourage everyone to abandon their physician and stick to eating grass and shoving crystals up your corn hole. Trust me, I’m a doctor, sort of,”
Obviously.
According to snopes,com, the poster and the quote were intended as satire of SJWs, but have been widely misunderstood as something created by actual SJW’s.
Number 2.
Poe’s Law cannot be repealed.
Well, that last reply wasn’t up when I started writing. I guess you knew it was not serious. I should have known you would know….
Nice of you to start a new thread to say so. Have you met my old friend, the reply button?
After the first few comments, I realize that it wasn’t obvious to everyone that this was parody, so I added in a link and footnote. Good parody makes its point, and the fact that it isn’t obvious despite how outrageously ridiculous it is is what makes the point count.
You don’t get Halloween candy if you don’t use the reply button.
Yes, we’ve met, but my comment was in moderation, so there was no reply button…..
Aw, they left out speciesist. Clearly no dressing up as animals either, lest some critter be offended.
What about phylums? Why do you hate phylums so much?
What if you really like the Indian Girl. Like a lot. Is that Just Wrong? Asking for 6 friends.
Native American girl. I mean indigenous girl. I mean indigenous person of the female persuasive. I mean…no, that’s perverted. What was the question again?
Pre-Teen Squaw.
So what you(r 6 friends) feel is Pre-Teen Squaw Desire?
I can see how it would be difficult to cope with that in modern society.
There’s a 12-step program for it, I hear. A friend told me.
Great. Theme Night on Jeffrey Epstein’s island…
Fine high school prom night theme, too.
To each their own Dan, but is Trigglypuff really Indian?
Alright, enough. This is just getting disgusting.
Ted, Scott’s right on this. And, as you know, I’ve taken a well-known stand against any offensive postings.
The obvious solution is a standard Halloween costume. Let’s have a committee of transgender hate crime victims make the final decision, but I’m rooting for the white unisex jumpsuit with reflectors for safety and black letters that say “Halloween costume” with a prominent ID number for easy identification and a tracking microchip.
If this happens, I’m blaming you.
Catching up on back reading, so late to the party.
You realize the white jumpsuits would just enable all the Kubrick haters, not to mention the potential for a Black Fonts Matter movement.
So, is the hardhat from the Village People still OK?
Only if he’s trans.
Can do! Suggestions for costume modification to indicate transness welcome.
Also, how to show how terribly, terribly alone he is.
Involved knife. Here are the balance of instructions. [Serious trigger warning: This is traumatic and you can’t unsee it. You’ve been warned.]
Wow, I didn’t know you could take videos in a divorce courtroom.
You watched? Oh my.
Dear Mr. Greenfield,
Thank you for ruining Oktoberfest 2016.
Sincerely,
Sausage Lovers Everywhere
I warned you.
Scott, Scott, Scott, I never realized that you’re such a racist.
All Hallows Eve is a celebration of ghosts of the dead returning to earth. Ghosts, unlike many living humans, are all white. Take one look at Caspar and then try to deny my point.
It was just a cartoon, Jim. In real life, ghosts come in all colors.
Have you ever sen a GOC?
Of course.
No one mentions the particular egregious cultural appropriation on Halloween, which is the cultural appropriation of Halloween itself. Celebration of a British holiday by children of other cultures is deeply offensive. When Mexican trick or treaters knock on my door, I slam it in their faces.
Don’t get me started about the Williams sisters culturally appropriating tennis.
Wait. They’re sisters?
SHG,
If a diminutive but creepy clown shows up at the door on All Hallows’ Evening , what is the proper SJW’s response?*
All the best.
RGK
*I am asking for David Meyer-Lindenberg.
I’m literally shaking.
My near-3 year old daughter routinely says, “Poof, I’m the dragon. Poof, you’re the princess.” Our costumes came naturally. Must I shave my pits?