After last year’s trauma at Yale, sensitive parents are wondering what they can do to prevent their children from being beaten by the mob. Fortunately, I’m here to help. No need to thank me. It’s for the children*.
Dress your child in the wrong costume at your peril, as the socially just will do what they have to do to protect themselves from the trauma of seeing your darling little pirate and suffering terminal PTSD.
That’s right. It’s not just that they’ll be denied candy. It’s not that they’ll be humiliated and turned away for being a cultural appropriator who microaggresses some homeowner by dehumanizing them with a Superman outfit (Kryptonians have feelings too, you scumbag). Expect legal action as well.
After all, when you dress your “annoying little shits” as a sexist princess, you are intentionally traumatizing the woman of the house. Don’t you care about other people at all, you shitlord?
So what should you pick out for a tolerant, sensitive costume for your kid? How about sexy SJW?
No, it’s not an easy look to pull off, but isn’t it worth it to save some homeowner from tears?
But no, you cisheteronormative white landowner, you aren’t relieved from your privilege either. What treat do you plan to hand out to the beautiful children who come to your door? Don’t even think of giving them fun-sized gluten-free PayDay bars! Just the thought of it makes me literally shake.
Where do you think you live, in the land of opportunity?
And have a Happy and socially just Halloween.
*Edit: Realizing that some wouldn’t realize the poster (and this post) are parody, it seemed only fair to add in the link after the post was originally published. Good parody can be hard to discern. See Poe’s Law.