Somebody wanted a job. Somebody was a Millennial. Hilarity ensued.
Application
I applied online. I interviewed at Pollard PLLC.
Interview
Jonathan Pollard is one of the rudest and unprofessional hiring managers I have ever encountered in my job seeking experience. After applying for the job, he sent me a one-paragraph critique of my writing samples, instead of simply telling me that my experience is not the right fit for his firm. A direct quote from his email to me: “My English and history professors at Cornell would have ripped this to shreds (as I just did)”. This is an incredibly inappropriate way to speak to a job seeker and is probably a good indicator of his management style…I suggest that the company outsource its’ hiring needs to a recruiter who is familiar with the hiring process and the decorum that comes with the hiring process. This type of behavior is completely unacceptable.
Well, somebody’s feelings were hurt. After all, isn’t it the employer’s duty to engage in behavior that’s completely acceptable to the 23-year-old twinkie who wants a job? Pollard, a non-compete lawyer, sees it a little differently.
So, real talk: No; this person didn’t actually get an interview. This person sent an application and bragged about her tremendous writing ability, but submitted writing samples that were riddled with problems. So I workshopped some of her writing. Literally, I spent some time editing it, redlining it, making comments on it, the whole nine. I’m not joking.
Ever wonder why you didn’t get that interview, that job, kids? Pollard did what one might wish a rejecting employer would do, explain why. This way, you can correct the error of your ways and, in a better world, maybe get a job rather than have your writing sample spread around an office as a joke.
Then I wrote this person back. And the first words out of my mouth were: “Thank you for your application. Congratulations on finishing school. I appreciate your enthusiasm and professionalism, but based on the writing samples you provided, I do not believe you are a polished enough writer to work in my organization.” I then gave her some general guidance on her writing; some over-arching problems I see; some basic things she needs to change. And I did – indeed – tell her, that my English and history professors at Cornell would have ripped her writing to shreds. And done exactly what I had done in the sample I edited.
I did not have to write this person back. I could have just ignored her and thrown her application in the trash. But I wrote her back to give her some specific guidance on how to be a better writer. I was trying to help her! And as a result, I apparently infringed on her safe space.
Did she send him flowers in appreciation. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, this would have been appreciated. Instead, it’s arrogant, condescending, rude and unacceptable.
There are many wonderful, hard-working, well-adjusted millennials out there. But don’t kid yourself: There has been a dramatic generational shift. I graduated from Cornell in 2004. Back then, college was still a sort of rough and tumble place. You know, people had different ideas and might say stuff that offended you. There weren’t trigger warnings and safe spaces. If you got a bad grade, then you got a bad grade. You couldn’t be all like, “Professor, I demand you change my grade because you didn’t take into account how I’m triggered and in personal turmoil over the riots in Baltimore even though I grew up rich in Fairfax, Virginia and have no real, personal connection to that situation but, like, it really is part of my entire being and I’m woke as F but really triggered too. So this C you gave me is really a microaggression. I deserve an A.”
I graduated from Cornell in 1979, and by 2004, it was already deeply squishy. But it’s now bad enough that not even a 2004 grad can tolerate those, Gertruding aside, entitled little shits.
Here’s the deal. You need a job. He has a job. You need him. He doesn’t need you. He will find someone who doesn’t suffer from pathological narcissism, who doesn’t feel that their feelings are the center of the universe and, most importantly, doesn’t write like shit.
Young people reach out to me all the time. By email. On the twitters, In the comments. To inform me about them, because they’ve somehow become confused about their relative importance in the universe. I don’t know who they are. I didn’t scour the earth in search of them. I didn’t beg them to tell me their deepest feelings. I certainly have no duty to do as they demand, to conform to their will. But they feel I do.
On occasion, some kid, who has pushed their way into my world, will inform me that I’m arrogant and condescending because I fail to value their views as much as they want me to. There is a reason no one seeks them out, pushes their way into their world, desperately seeking their opinions or approval. Nobody, mommy aside, gives a damn. You haven’t earned the respect of others yet. You’re just one of a million loud, demanding voices in the virtual wilderness screaming at the grownups, “look at me, look at me, aren’t I wonderful!!!”
But they are wrong about one thing, as reflected in Pollard’s edits of the twinkie’s “tremendous” writing sample. We do give their feelings, their efforts, their brilliance, the value they deserve.
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Haha. Admittedly, I would have been pissed (for about 5 seconds) then embarrassed (for a few minutes [delicate little {old} flower that I am]), then bloody grateful. And would have followed up, by thanking him and, if I was really interested in the job, seeing if there were any follow-up possibilities re. relationship with the company etc.
Not potentially piss off many other employers.
Having worked both sides of this equation, I’m so pleased I never ran into such a flower, I doubt it would have ended well. Oy.
There’s an industry devoted to teaching employers how to manage Millennials to avoid such pitfalls.
Most resume screeners wouldn’t even consider going to this trouble. Normally, you send a polite, sterile “unfortunately you don’t meet our current needs” and “good luck with your future endeavors.” Machine-addressed and mass-mailed. Pollard was doing this applicant a massive favor, and she’s not smart enough to see or appreciate it.
As I’ve recently learned, most online applications are never seen by human eyes. They’re vetted by resume bots, looking for key words like “diversity” and “inclusion,” that conform to the words used in the job posting. And most get no response at all.
Hey, that’s the year after I was born!
It wasn’t me. I swear. I never touched her.
… and, anyway, she said she was 18.
No Gary Puckett?
Oh, good choice.
“Job seeking experience?”
As if looking for a job is supposed to be pleasant all around, where the applicant is always right. As if job hunting is something that’s advertised in Conde Nast travel.
But that’s what they told her at career services. Would they lie?
Much of my work is about writing useful instructions for my coworkers. After 8+ years on the job, when I go in to review my writing, even the stuff that’s a year old makes me burn with shame, and the older stuff is often worse. I work hard to figure this stuff out on my own, but I’d be grateful for a tough editor*.
*Like that guy who noticed I misspelled “chapeau” yesterday. That’s what four years of French classes get you.
I know I am.
Kids these days, amirite? I think millennialism is a spectrum disorder, which would make sense given that we are all special snowflakes.
It was frustrating finding a job so I made my own. I tried paying it forward by posting a position looking for a new grad with 0-3 years experience. I have applicants with 20-30 years experience applying. It’s bad all over.
No excuse for shitty writing though.
There are drugs available to rid you of the delusion that you’re fascinating. But you will have to stop taking the Ritalin for them to work.
Damn. And I thought I had something interesting and on point to share. Wrong again. Maybe I’ll have better luck next time.
It’s before 10:30a.m., so what else am I supposed to do? Work?
It’s not that you lacked a point, but that you failed to recognize that you expressed it within the context of “all about you.” Try writing without using the word “I.”
I learned that lesson the hard way. Now we use “we” whenever possible,… if we’re paying attention. P. Maupin explained this conundrum a couple of months agol For real. Check it out.
Fast forward: As for Pollard, we think he’s a Major POS. Anyone who would crucify a an applicant for a job, like that should be crucified. Has he no mercy?
‘But they are wrong about one thing, as reflected in Pollard’s edits of the twinkie’s “tremendous” writing sample. We do give their feelings, their efforts, their brilliance, the value they deserve.’ Who do you thinky your kidding?
Not me. No way. Not for one minute. We here at Billy Bob Land side with the applicant, rest assured! Trust it.
I don’t think “crucify” means what you feel it does, Bill.
Maybe if they had a professor that was capable of insulting their feelings, they could have been somewhat prepared for life outside the bubble.
This person not only got a response, but from someone with actual authority, and decided to cry about it rather than use that door to their advantage?
If you already didn’t get the job, you have nothing to lose! You re-write the essay, incorporate the notes and resubmit. Maybe you end up in the same spot, but maybe they see… initiative and ability to adapt?
When vetting writers for FL, I used the Womble Test, which was half a test of writing and half a test of fortitude. If they ran away crying rather than came back with better, they were never going to cut it.
“Unfortunately , we cannot all work for XXX&X”
Helpful or just insulting?
As to FL, if their name was prefaced by ,”Hon.” you didn’t test, you begged.
Fact Check: False. In fact, a judge was turned away.
Well, duh. What else would one expect from someone who spent almost all of the last 30 years in the pokey on espionage charges?
כלא
FTFY
It’s fashionable to jump on millennials nowadays, but they’re a group of people like any other. Many are self-centered, many are stupid, and like any young generation most have little experience with workplace etiquette or job-hunting.
Do you really think the idiocy of the millennial generation is unique, or is it just more exposed due to the Internet and social media?
If we’re going to rely on anecdotal evidence: I’m a millennial and I would have appreciated this feedback. One anecdote to cancel out another.
Years ago, when I had written something about law being about the clients, not the work/life balance of the lawyer, a woman left me a comment that said, “I would never work for you.” I responded, “that’s correct, you would never work for me.”
It’s certainly not just millennials.
“I took off my hat and said “imagine that, me workin’ for you.”
Good point. This is almost exactly the same, except for stuff.
But I do like the song.
One can only hope that, with years of hard work, such a person might eventually become woke as B-.
But I’ve never gotten a B- in my liiiiiiiiiiiiiife!!!
From the realm of fantasy:
Prof: Um, sure. How about I change your final grade by a half grade?
Student: Great! Thanks very much professor! How can I ever thank you?
Later: Grade changes from A- to B+.
If only.
“its’ hiring”
Probably a bit OTT to also redline her response, huh?
Probably.
” I’m arrogant and condescending because I fail to value their views as much as they want me to.”
1) I don’t believe you have never denied that you are arrogant and condescending.
2) I’m over 50, and you don’t value my views as much as I want you to, either. I don’t think it’s their youth.
I’ve never denied not beating my wife, either. Or that I won WWII singlehandedly. Or that I played drums on the last three Beatles albums. The list of things I’ve never denied goes on.
Arrogant and condescending because you don’t value their views?!? That’s crazy!
Valuing their views has nothing to do with it.
Oh …feel the burn…..?