Kopf: Top Ten Reasons Why I Wish I Attended Georgetown Prep

  1. Beach week on the shores of Lake Erie was (and is) unthinkable.
  2. Our quarterback went to Cornell, and everyone knows that only assholes attend that backwater.
  3. We were forced to guzzle bottles of beer rather than kegs.
  4. Because the males in our high school were only horny, we never understood that misogyny cannot be fully embraced without reading the sacred texts.
  5. Unfortunately, our jocks were nice.
  6. We didn’t have a guy like Mr. Judge, even though we had a fellow who danced the jerk to the National Anthem.
  7. We settled things with fists rather than ice cubes.
  8. We were so poorly educated that we thought the “Ivy League” was a description of jock itch.
  9. We never learned to chant “Hoya Saxa” because Polish was the lingua franca of our school.
  10. Due to my public school education, I failed to fully grasp the fact that flatulence existed at the Founding.

All the best,

10 thoughts on “Kopf: Top Ten Reasons Why I Wish I Attended Georgetown Prep

  1. Skink

    11. They had girls! We had only boys, the Christian Brothers of Ireland* and two really old nuns.
    You’re part right about Cornell: they also have creepy, Christine–like cars locked-up somewhere.

    *The Budweiser truck appeared at the monastery on Thursday.

    1. Richard Kopf


      Budweiser? You must have been very, very privileged. Out of economic necessity, we drank Stroh’s, the beer with “the heart of a lion and the strength of Detroit.”

      All the best.


      1. wilbur

        Stroh’s was “fire brewed”. It’s almost a contradiction in terms.

        The (ahem) inexpensive beers for in my young adulthood were Falstaff and Falls City, an odd-tasting beer with a good aftertaste brewed in Louisville. Maybe it was fire brewed, too.

        Nowadays, drinking beer just gives me a headache. A fire brewed headache.

      2. Skink

        Bud was for the Brothers of Ireland. We also drank the Detroit beer. Often purchased at the brewery. For the younguns, the brewery was a big building, not a bar, and it was in downtown Detroit, not the burbs. The Georgetown Prep fellers wouldn’t think of going to that piece of dirt.

  2. Mario Machado

    Judge Kopf,

    Georgetown Prep had Sunday brunches where the movers and shakers discussed what was moving and shaking in the big club.

    Putting aside your sour grapes for not getting an invite via the pony express, I ask: how was Sunday brunch in your high school? Was there a strict dress code?

    The best to you and yours,


    *Don’t feel bad about Stroh’s, Judge. My dad was privileged enough to attend an elite boarding school in rural PA, and he told me that their beer of choice was Schlitz. AYFKM?? How did you guys manage without clean, crisp Heinekens??

    1. Richard Kopf


      Three friends and I went to brunch every weekday when were seniors. We simply walked out, got in my ’55 Chevy and drove to the pool hall. Having badly faked IDs, we drank 3.2 beer and played pool until it was time for study hall, at which time we returned for “count.”

      All the best.


  3. SHG

    High above Cayuga’s waters
    There’s an awful smell.
    Some say it’s Cayugas waters
    Some say it’s Cornell.

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