- Beach week on the shores of Lake Erie was (and is) unthinkable.
- Our quarterback went to Cornell, and everyone knows that only assholes attend that backwater.
- We were forced to guzzle bottles of beer rather than kegs.
- Because the males in our high school were only horny, we never understood that misogyny cannot be fully embraced without reading the sacred texts.
- Unfortunately, our jocks were nice.
- We didn’t have a guy like Mr. Judge, even though we had a fellow who danced the jerk to the National Anthem.
- We settled things with fists rather than ice cubes.
- We were so poorly educated that we thought the “Ivy League” was a description of jock itch.
- We never learned to chant “Hoya Saxa” because Polish was the lingua franca of our school.
- Due to my public school education, I failed to fully grasp the fact that flatulence existed at the Founding.
All the best,