No one elected her to office, or gave her their proxy to be the voice of her gender, her generation, or anyone else. So let’s not make more of this than it is, one young woman who suffers from a delusion that smearing her menstrual blood on her face, taking selfies and posting them on Instagram somehow proves that periods are “beautiful and powerful.”
A SEX coach is smearing menstrual blood on her face in a bid to end the stigma and shame around periods.
Demetra Nyx, 26, regularly posts selfies to her Instagram page covered in her blood, which she says is “powerful”.
Women have periods. Why anyone would see them as “shameful,” as if they did something wrong to cause them, is bizarre. They’re merely a biological fact, despite those who contend that no such things exist as biological facts. They may be unpleasant, inconvenient and, well, messy, but that’s not a reflection on the person. Does anyone think otherwise?
Demetra, who lives in LA, California, had her first period aged 12, but was ashamed of it and thought it was disgusting.
She would try and hide her period from boyfriends, and worried about bleeding through her clothes.
Demetra said: “I was simultaneously embarrassed and fascinated by my period. I felt apologetic about it a lot and tried to hide it from boyfriends.
“Our society teaches us that periods are dirty and inconvenient.
Society teaches “us” nothing of the sort. Blood emitting from one’s body is the culprit. It makes a mess of clothing, which would do better without it, just as would be the case if it was a bloody nose dripping down one’s face onto a shirt. If it’s not “inconvenient,” is it convenient? Fun? The friend who shows up regularly, but at its own schedule, so that one can never be sure whether to make extra dinner that night?
“Ads about menstrual products talk about smelling ‘fresh’ or making us cleaner, implying that our bodies’ natural functions are gross.”
Some of our natural functions are gross. Flatulence has never been a big favorite at parties, and it gets worse from there. Perhaps some would prefer a world where there were no doors on bathrooms, and maybe that would be a better world if we never saw any bodily function as gross. But that’s not our world, for better or worse.
All things considered, please keep your bodily functions to yourself, even if you disagree with social norms of bodily functions. It’s not that you’re necessarily wrong, but out of a modicum of respect for everyone else who does not find the odor of your flatulence pleasing, no matter how powerful it may be.
But Nyx isn’t unpopular on Instagram, and her cause has manifested itself on college campuses as well.
UC Berkeley students held a #TamponRally Wednesday to express their wish for menstrual products on campus to be free — and to challenge the stigma surrounding menstruation too.
The Free the Tampon Rally, organized by YWCA Berkeley/Oakland, was created to demonstrate displeasure with the cost of tampons and pads, which can be difficult for college students to afford.
Many things can be difficult for college students to afford. Food. Travel. Healthcare. iPhones. What distinguishes tampons is that only women are constrained to pay for them, which, by dint of fuzzy logic, makes them a gender-based expense. Some colleges have acknowledged this and provided them for free in all bathrooms, including men’s, to be non-discriminatory if factually dubious. This should be distinguished from providing free tampons to women in prison, the failure of which is outrageous and unjustifiable.
But the other contention is that these protests “challenge the stigma surrounding menstruation.” Stigma has become a triggering word, and it’s taken as too obvious to explain why nothing should be stigmatizing. But it’s only applied when convenient. After all, there should certainly be a stigma attached to racism and sexism, but not a stigma to things beyond our control, like mental illness and disability. And periods.
Is there a stigma? The women protesting, from Nyx to the co-eds on campus, say so, but is there anyone over the age of twelve who is unaware that menstruation is simply a normal bodily function for women?
Perhaps there is a sense among some people that periods are shameful and disgusting, even if I’m unaware of it. Maybe that’s just my cis white male head mistaking my view as the norm, and women, whose lived experiences are not mine, are shunned by other people, whether male or female, as social pariahs during their periods. Not years ago. Not in other cultures. Here and now. I could be very wrong and completely unaware of what it’s like to be a woman.
But when someone like Nyx smears menstrual blood on her face, posts images online and contends that this somehow shows that periods are “beautiful” and “powerful,” does it work? Does she make her point or does she reduce herself to a nutjob? There is no nexus between what Nyx does and showing beauty other than her words saying so. A picture of a woman smeared in blood is not beautiful. It’s not in the least powerful. Saying so doesn’t make it so.
However, this silly, if not gross, display got me thinking about it, writing about it, even though Nyx is merely one woman of little prominence engaged in a pretty crazy protest. While her picture might not win any converts, and is far more likely to turn people away, if not turn their stomachs, she did manage to get on the radar with her issue.
Does it matter if she wins the point if her image caused others to at least think about it? Then again, is there even a point at stake here, and had her protest been less salacious and repulsive, would anyone have cared? There may be nothing disgusting about women having periods, but Nyx’s images are. Does she win a prize? Or is she an embarrassment to people who don’t share her delusion?
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I was going to say there’s no way “Demetra Nyx” is her real name, but I guess she is from California.
Anyway, sure there’s a point at stake here, and what she did was shrewd. The whole menstruation thing is just a metonym for womanhood, and what she’s actually saying is “women are beautiful and powerful.” Which is to say, she’s just reaffirming a progressive credo (one that needs reaffirming because, as you know, we’re ruled by evil forces who don’t think “women are beautiful and powerful”) in a bloodier and more click-friendly way than Helen Reddy’s approach. So cool for her, I guess?
Women surely can be beautiful and powerful. They can also be ugly and weak. But then, I’m a feminist, which is why Helen Reddy and I share similar hairstyles. Of course, you know Helen Reddy is Aussie, not Canadian, right?
She’s no Anne Murray.
Look, my Canadian girlfriend is totally feminist. We’ve engaged in Butlerian deconstruction, like… eight times.
TMI.
Maybe her real name was something like “Elizabeth Bathory,” but she decided to change it?
she’s mentally ill, and is doing this for attention. Please stop giving it to her. Women have been menstruating since there were women. She somehow thinks hers is news to the world.
I was intrigued by the photo posted by our host, originally posted to Instagram on May 15, 2018.
We’ve had patients who routinely smeared their menstrual blood on themselves. Most remain institutionalized, suffering from a wide range of severe mental illness.
She was a resident of Pittsburgh, Pa. and NYC, before moving to California. Her given name appears to be Demetra Szatkowski, which are revealed in several letters and text messages she posted to Instagram.
There are comments and other indicators that she may have been a professional pole dancer/stripper until roughly three years ago.
She’s smart enough to understand the publicity value of behaving in an outrageous manner, and seems to have figured out how to monetize her psychosis.
Having read several of her posts and watched a few of her (non-pole dancing) videos, where I could observe her affect, I’m leaning toward Bipolar-1, possibly comorbid with PMDD.*
In her post of Nov. 1, 2018, she tells of having been “in therapy for several years”. From the limited information available, it appears she has since discontinued treatment, in favor of other, non-clinical modalities.
*Disclaimer: Having not examined her, this is just a wild-ass guess, based solely on her public statements and videos, allowing only extremely limited observation of her affect and demeanor, and should not be construed as a formal diagnosis.
Who told these people that provoking deep disgust is an effective way to communicate?
SHG,
There is now a period emoji. You can access it here:
With the advent of the new symbolism represented by the period emoji, I wonder whether Ms. Nyx’s paintings have become passé. On the other hand, perhaps they will become collectibles that one can purchase on eBay (even in Canada).
All the best.
RGK
When I heard of the period emoji, I wondered about it’s utility. But then, I consider all emojis violence.
Considering the appalling lack of punctuation in texting, it is good to know that maybe now, finally, some people will end their texts with a period.
Ugh, that’s GROSS. But, there is also a “stigma” for some. I suffered from severe dysmenorrhea for nearly my entire life, just about 46 years (praise the goddess, that’s about over) – I “flowered” at the ripe old age of 9 (see what I did there, hehe). Along with that, the first 25 years or so I also suffered from menorrhagia. I was constantly anemic, endured crippling cramps, and was often out of school for weeks at a time. And, no one understood. The female teachers accused me of being lazy and trying to get out of school. All I was trying to do was get out of bed. You can’t wear tampons at that age (at least I couldn’t), and this was pre-Stayfree. The old Kotex pads, with the ever so uncomfortable sanitary straps;even wearing 2 of those pillows at a time there was leakage. Constantly. Children are cruel. Being called disgusting can grow wearisome, and a bit damaging at a (usually) pre-pubescent age. But, we are women. We are strong. Still, that was unnecessary. And, GROSS.
ps
For the record, I’ve never had a husband or boyfriend who found menstruation disgusting. Maybe she should fine boyfriends who are somewhat less juvenile.
You raise a good point, that perhaps parents need to tell their children about normal bodily functions, including that they can be more severe for some than others, at an earlier age so that the common childish cruelty is blunted to the extent possible. Then again, children will always be cruel, for their own budding self-esteem at the expense of others. There’s no cure for childhood.
Abnormal menstruation isn’t a normal bodily function.
To put it simply, some people have lifelong knee problems or immune system problems. Some have menstrual problems. Neither one is beautiful and shouldn’t be “celebrated” as such.
Can we not take this down the rabbit hole of abnormal menstruation, please.
When I had cramps the first time my reaction was whhaaa why whatisthis isthiswhatitfeelsliketohaveababy??!!! Mom poured out a shot of bourbon and gave it to me. The relief was immediate. I was very young. It got easier. There were times when I thanked Heaven, fasting, that my period arrived. Haven’t we all been there?
Solving puberty with alcohol, one day at a time.
It worked to me too, to be honest.
Can’t you get a life? Oh I remember now. She let me go on a toot. I wasn’t home for weeks. The nuns at my grade school wondered. I was a sensation to them! No to my little chums you know.
If it’s still a concern, try traditional medicine such as Chinese (but beware of quacks who just “sell” it). They don’t view abnormal menstruation as “normal”, moreover, menstruation is a powerful diagnostic tool for other bodily imbalances (so it’s “beautiful” in this sense). Being disabled for weeks is certainly excessive. If you didn’t get medical help for so many years, it boils down to medical shortcomings, not just mean kids.
From my forthcoming treatise on convenient neologistodiumical lifestyle choices:
What is, or is not, foulest stigma,
Remains now, always was, an enigma.
Everyone, girls and boys,
Can make personal choice:
Just get ready. Take aim. Pull the trigma!
Well Mr. Greenfield, you did something i could not bring myself to do. 5 yrs I’ve been on the fence. I’ve tried before, but between the inability to look at myself (is that asshole ME?…ugh!) , and the lack of good equipment, no desire to learn pro tools ….reasons , reasons, reasons. THANK YOU!!!! I’m off the fence. It finally hit me….with the stuff people put out there, like the lovely pic you posted today, ( thanks for the appetite suppressant) WTF am i afraid of? I got a bad habit of setting the bar to high…so fuck it, and i hope i’m not wasting 3 minutes of your precious time….so here it is, the World Premiere of me and a song i wrote 30yrs ago when i was married….and yes, it relates to the post. Again, thank you x 100
I am honored that you have graced us with your World Premiere.
“Since I can’t do nothing right, then nothing’s what I’m gonna do.”
Words to live by, brother. Menopause is around the corner.
Thanks for the stage….seeing ‘ 0 views ‘ for too long would be a bit of a bummer.
SHG and Guitardave,
Two brilliant writers, with senses of irony that are not measurable by ordinary humans (like me), come together on SJ. The intercourse, in an intellectual sense, of course, is perfect. Thanks to you both.
All the best.
RGK
But Dave has real talent and I just murder a lot of words. I am profoundly grateful that he shared his song with us, and hope he’ll give us more.
I will. But stop with the “murder a lot of words” stuff…. your a master wordsmith…with a heart. The heart part makes you extra-ordinary. I think its a bit more rare than ‘some guy with a guitar’* , and thank you for the kind words, Judge Kopf.
* i was in between sets one nite, standard dive joint, and a guy comes in during the break and asked a guy at the bar who was playing. He didn’t see me standing behind him…his reply was…”some guy with a guitar”. LOFL. I seriously considered tossing the GD handle and going with that moniker.
Time to get you out of the kitchen, Dave. As it turns out, tonight’s act in the Hotel lounge quit. It seems there’s a problem between the girl singer and the bass player–imagine that! Want the gig?
When your video ends, it drops YouTube links, including one with John Prine. That’s some fast company you’re keeping!
I once knowed a guitar player here in the Swamp. He lived in bushes in Fort Lauderdale and was a certified mess. But Jaco Pastorious could sure play bass.
You knew Jaco!? wow…. what a sad end. He helped make Joni Mitchel’s double live album ‘Shadows and Light’ , IMO, the best live album ever. (Sorry Frampton.)
I’d take that gig in a second if my nerve damaged, arthritic right hand would let me play more than a few songs in a row. Unfortunately, I think i’m past the 4 sets a nite thing….hence the You tube thing. But thanks anyway….if i cure my condition i’ll let you know.
I’m kinda thrilled to have Dave playing in the SJ Lounge. An old guitar-playing friend, Jimmy Ryan, used to play at a bar in the neighborhood. And then there’s Billy, our local biker minstrel. But neither will play at the SJ Lounge. Then again, B.McLeod has given us a song or two as well. We should really form a band.
So Mrs.SJ let you buy that vintage Ludwig kit on e-bay? Cool!
Dr. (not Mrs., never Mrs.) SJ bought me a Yamaha set (5 piece, Zildjians, jet black, it was sexy) about 20 years ago. It sat unused until she sold it on Craigslist to a very sweet young man who desperately wanted to rock. Alas, I had a Ludwig back when I was young, ugly as sin, but I loved that set.
The Not Stupiders? You could record Don’t Make Me Stupider with the melody from Don’t Make Me Over. Dionne and Burt won’t mind.
I’ve always thought that Stare Decisis was a great name. But then again, there’s always Skink and the Stercus Accidits. Can you dance?
Nope. Old and white. But with the right amount of island rum (never from the Swamp; that cane sucks), I can manage a little Toby and fall down.
Things being what they are, we’d probably have to call it “The Deplorables.”
Well dang, guitardave, in all the years I’ve been reading this here blawg, yours might be the most original comment ever! Good song, good singing. And nice to see that you appear to be another old dude. (SHG is old, I’m older.) Not that I get a say, but fine with me if you contribute more original songs when relevant.
Thank you, Jim.
Catchy. I like it! Thanks for posting, Dave.
Going to be that asshole because I’m probably three drinks ahead of everyone else.
Holding up my Bic lighter to illuminate the room.
Play Free Bird!
No, seriously, that was great.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks, David ….and Rojas, ya dick. :-)…someone had to say it though, the imbalance caused without it can cause a disturbance in the space time continuum. ( it became a running joke with certain ‘friends’)…so thank you, ‘friend’.
Good stuff! Got a solid laugh out of me. You’re really good.
Thank you PAV.
Much thanks for the switcheroo, Scott.
Reprise: Since I can do nothing right, then nothing’s what I’m gonna do.
My pleasure.
I nearly reported to YouTube but couldn’t decide between “hateful or abusive content” and “infringes my rights” so I let it be ;). Great tune, and I like this version since I get a better view of that lovely notched stringer staircase.
Thank you SH.
PS: I live in the upstairs of my shop, a pole building w/finished office and upstairs. It was pretty raw after the Amish-men built it. I tore all the treads off the steps, rounded all the corners and edges, and routed pockets in to put carpet pieces in…stained the treads clear, the stringers black, and reassembled it. I thought they turned out pretty nice. I don’t get many visitors, but in 14yrs, no one ever said boo about them. So THANK YOU! for noticing…you obviously have good taste!
Wonder if she only does this on a Sunday?
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Fer crying out loud. Puberty is an uncomfortable time for everyone involved, where bodies start sprouting hair and inventing heretofor unknown vistas of awful smells, where we shapeshift into adult bodies amidst so many hormeones we can’t think straight. Of course kids act a bit weird about everything that happens then. That’s not stigma, not culturally, that’s kids trying to figure out how to live in brand new bodies and muddling along as best they can.
There is probably more society as a whole could do to help (ritual coming of age perhaps, not painting our faces in menstrual blood), but nothing will ever change the fact that living through a body altering right out from under you takes some time to process.
If somebody looking that beautiful and powerful approached me on the street, I’d probably call 911 for an ambulance. I guess I’m just not woke enough to appreciate blood, menstrual or otherwise, as a fashion accessory.
When did Barbra Streisand start writing guest posts at SJ?
Is there something wrong with that?
Didn’t some of the tribes in either Africa or the Amazon rain forest like to smear their faces with the blood of their enemies? If so, isn’t this cultural appropriation?
When’s the last time you saw a tribesman on the cover of Teen Vogue?
The cultural appropriation was what I found most off-putting about her attention seeking stunt.
If this is her actual menstrual blood (not paint or chicken blood) and she bleeds through her clothes, I believe, she needs to see a doctor for profuse bleeding, not preach that this is beautiful. “Shameful” is a wrong word, but abnormal periods point to health problems.
Somewhere a product manager for goop.com is seeking a low cost supply of menstrual blood and considering packaging options and a less insane backstory for the latest skincare craze.
This . . . seems so probable.
In my experience women are generally far more put off by menstruation than men are. I’ve maybe once ever heard an adult man actually talk about periods with revulsion and it was a gay man, but I’ve lost count of the women who do. I believe that if straight men were to talk about it at all, it would be to say that if you like women you take the good with the bad and don’t whine about it.
Maybe “society” does stigmatize menstruation, but it seems to be mainly driven by women themselves.
First world problems. Demetra lacks perspective. There are far worse things than stigma. I offer up a contrasting view of menstruation representative of the experience for about a billion women.
Through my rotary club, I am lead on a water and sanitation project for a rural village school in the West Nile region of Uganda. We are installing a well, plumbing, and about 80 latrines and sinks in the school. The project came to me via an NGO called Lifestitches. Lifetitches, among other things, helps young african girls stay in school.
Outside the urban areas of the developing world, there aren’t drugstores or grocery stores where you can buy feminine hygiene products. Even if these stores existed, a woman could not afford them on an average income of one to three dollars a day. So what’s a young woman do when she gets her first period. She stops going to school; then she works in the field; and then she gets married really young, to someone quite a bit older than her. There is usually a highly unequal power relationship in this kind of marriage.
What Lifestitches does is a program called RUMPS. They teach young women how to manage their periods with homespun, washable pads. In order for RUMPS to work at school, one needs running water, sinks and toilets. That’s where my rotary club came in with the water project.
Demetra should count herself lucky to have such trivial worries about menstruation.
I’m betting you know my rule about personal stories in comments, right?
Effectively, I related the personal stories of a billion women. That is a major transgression.
Far more major than failing to use the reply button. Still, if you want to tell your stories of binders of women, do it elsewhere.
I think there are some conservative religious views that stigmatize menstruation as “impure,” based on interpretations of text from the Torah. Also, in some African societies, it is similarly regarded. I don’t think that this is a predominant view in U.S. society today, but I can see how this woman may have encountered the idea.
We probably hang around with different crowds.
Yes, menstruation makes a woman unclean, according to the Book of Leviticus. That’s not a matter of interpretation, but a straightforward claim it makes. I don’t know about “stigma” – for example, according to Leviticus, men also become unclean by ejaculating. In fact, that book is largely given over to ways of becoming unclean and how to deal with it and rejoin the congregation (as Jews may not come into contact with holy things while in an unclean state).
There’s also a claim you sometimes hear that modern ultra-Orthodox Jews, who typically don’t shake strange women’s hands, refuse to do so because of worries that the woman might be unclean. But that’s not why.
Unless hassids are now mainstream, can we not go any farther down an extreme outlier rabbit hole?
Sorry, you only get one substantive comment per user per post. The rest is given over to