Watching Downton Abbey, it struck me that it all started with the shift from white tie to black. That was the beginning of the end. Not only did people change for dinner, but a decent man wore tails, while tuxedos were for the tasteless nouveau riche. I, of course, would have been a servant in livery at best, so it’s not as if this had any applicability to my life, but the point was clear. Social formality distinguished the well-bred from the wannabes, and both distinguished the servants from the served.
With notable exceptions, people no longer wear ties. Some still wear suits, but with open collars and no ties. To my old eye, it’s not a good look, not that anyone asked me. But the argument is that ties serve no purpose, are constricting and tell the world that you’re old. Peter Coy, who says he owns 252 neckties, laments their passing.
We necktie wearers are cruelly derided: “You know who always wears a necktie? Salesmen, attorneys and politicians — all professions based on trying to gain trust from people,” Stephen Johnson wrote last year in an article for Lifehacker titled, “Throw Your Neckties in the Damn Garbage Already.” He added, “Unless you use it to wipe your mouth, a necktie has no function.”
Probably the foremost cause of the tie’s demise is the rise of casualness. Casual feels good. Casual is easy. Casual is cool. Ties are not casual. Amidst the television commercials extolling the virtues of buying cars without ever getting off the couch (because god forbid you have to ever flex a leg muscle, ugh, so much effort) are advertisements for clothing that saves you from the burden of buttoning your jeans with elastic waistbands or tying your sneakers, which you slip into without so much as bending. Of course, it won’t help you to run faster or jump higher, but then who does that while never getting off one’s couch?
But ties do serve a purpose, if not quite a function. They distinguish us walking around the house in our pajamas from our dressing more formally. There’s a feeling one gets from dressing up. One is more formal in ones manner and more serious in one’s demeanor. For a woman, it can be wearing high heels and a dress, perhaps even a gown. For a man, it’s wearing a suit and tie. You look more distinguished and people treat you accordingly.
When it comes to suits, there aren’t a great many variations that work. For lawyers, it’s largely gray or blue, and the biggest question is pinstripe or not. Shirts used to be white only, until blue crept in. Then other colors and stripes, with the occasional check, started to appear. But they were still largely routine, part of the “uniform” that made life easier as you didn’t have to spend much time thinking about what to wear.
But there was one item of clothing that allowed your personality to come through. You guessed it. Whether it was the 80’s red “power tie,” the regimental stripe or the foulard, it gave you that splash of color, that bit of design, that allowed some individuality to shine through. Unlike the pocket squares worn by dandies, a well-tied tie established your bona fides as a well-dressed man.
Coy, the economist, speaks of his ties as “stranded assets.” I get it, as I have a small fortune tied up in ties. When my German son came to visit, he bought a couple suits in the city. I gave him two Hermès ties I had purchased but never wore to go with his new suits. I have no idea if he’ll ever use them, but if the occasion calls for ties, he’ll be prepared. From his descriptions, Coy’s ties seem a bit more idiosyncratic than most. Then again, I have a “fair and balanced” tie from Fox and Friends years ago, as well as a New York Times crossword puzzle tie. Ties can be playful or serious. The absence of a tie also tells a story.
Women’s Wear Daily lamented last year that all seven leaders of the Group of 7 nations posed tieless for their photo at a summit in Garmisch-Partenkirchen, Germany. Heads of state have rarely been known for their style, but the enforced drabness was, to me, depressing. I wear ties every chance I get to un-strand my stranded assets and to inject a little color and freshness into life. And what’s wrong with that?
I remember that photo well. They looked like frat boys at the end of a bender rather than heads of state.
It takes a little more effort to look good. It can be more constricting to have your collar buttoned and held tight by a tie. But the casual ease of wearing sweats or pajamas all the time is no substitute for the feeling one has when you don more formal attire. And that means a tie. It’s easy to explain why they’re silly vestiges of bygone days, but they still reflect well on their wearer, whether you want to admit it or not.
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This explains why I can no longer shop the tie tables at lunch, perhaps. Alas, the next thing you know, wristwatches will also be passé. Oh. Wait.
A sport coat without a tie is one thing, but a suit without a tie is just wrong. There are times for the sport coat, no tie look; and there are times for a suit and tie. Court, weddings, and funerals are all definitely suit and tie occasions.
Among others, I have the following colored or hand-colored photographs on the wall in my den-of-iniquity:
– myself at age three in a white shirt and bow tie.
– my father at age five in a black suit, white shirt and bow tie.
– my paternal step-grandfather in a black suit, white shirt and bow tie.
– my paternal grandfather in a grey suit, white shirt and bow tie.
All of us could reasonably be considered “rough men”, but some of my best memories are of all but my paternal grandfather who died young dressing up to go out to dinner or a dance at the local Elks Lodge. Never cared for bow ties and don’t own any now but have a nice collection of long ties and suit up regularly to show respect or, occasionally, to intimidate and confuse.
I have a picture somewhere of me in a red jacket and bow tie, sporting a crew cut. I was not a handsome child.
Being raised on an Idaho ranch exposed me to bolo ties and boots for less formal dinners and such. Less dressy than a regular tie, perhaps, but still appropriate for certain occasions and functions.
I read the OP title and immediately thought of this.
I met a lady in a bar and we had several drinks together. When the bar closed she invited me back to her apartment for coffee and to continue our conversation.
We got there and one thing led to another and she asked me to tie her up. (See, I made the “tie in” to the OP.)
Ok, so this is interesting, I though myself, but I’m always willing to to accommodate a lady, so I complied.
“Torture me,” she says.
Again, I’m game for it. So I got her sewing scissors, stood over her and cut paper with them.
I am acquainted with a woman attorney now approaching 80 who usually wears a long tie. It looks weird. Discomfiting. I read in my travels that the reason they look wierd or discomfiting on women is because they are or are meant to be a phallic symbol, consciously or subconsciously. It suits our woke misfits just fine evidently from images circulating around on the web. Drag, trans revenge and other causes for outrage and recruitment.
Well, ties are generally flat, limp and odd colors so I guess that works.
After my Father died, I got all of his ties. I picked out a few to go with my two suits and my wife made me a decorative pillow with the rest of them during her quilting phase.
They don’t look like frat boys at the end of a bender.
They look like slobs.
The impression I get is they were trying to say, “Look how hip and cool we are.”
I have a bunch of Jerry Garcia ties from the 80’s I’m thinking selling on Ebay I understand hippies are buying them and sewing into long skirts, so there is a future for ties…
I live in the SF Bay Area where employees are written up for dressing up (true story—it was considered too intimidating for the guy’s co-workers at one of the big tech places). However, I love dressing up in ties whenever I’m working with local politicians or at certain public events. Every once in awhile I get compliments for standing out of the crowd. Bow ties in particular get attention. We even have a bow tie day we do once a quarter where a few of us flout convention and wear one. I’m hoping to start a trend.
As someone who has managed warehouses for my entire professional career, a tie was never much of an option for me. I have a few, but they are rarely worn. My previous boss, owner of the company, claimed he would cut off a tie if anyone ever wore one to work. That included the salesmen.
When my grandmother died a few years ago I realized I have very few formal clothes that fit so I bought a bunch of “nice” clothes, including some ties, but they mostly come out for funerals.
Even when I wear ties, I’m confused about what the current style is supposed to be. Thin, wide, tied short, tied long?
Don’t forget the amazing hats that people used to wear as a matter of course back in the 40’s/50’s (and before?). I can still wear ties and a good suit to the right kind of meeting or event, but nobody wears the hats anymore.
I loved that whole look – very sharp.
However, I’d probably not be as enthusiastic if this was the everyday expectation. With remote work, it’s business on the top, party on the bottom these days.