Dr. SJ hates bad food. We try to go to interesting restaurants with reputations for serving good food. Occasionally, a restaurant can be refreshingly inexpensive, but most “good” restaurants are quite pricey. Whether for good food or barely mediocre food, they charge as if they’re serving gold. And whether the dinner is fabulous or tasteless, the check eventually comes and demands to be paid.
Restaurants do not serve you dinner because they love you. They serve you dinner because you pay the tab. It is a business transaction like any other. It may be framed in terms of love, as in food prepared with love and some personal connection between server and diner, but when dinner is over, you will still have paid and neither the server, hostess, chef, bartender nor cashier will be inviting you to their home for Thanksgiving.
Last night, Dr. SJ wanted to try a restaurant in the next town over that she heard was very good. It was a small, local sort of place, but it charged big city prices. There was no way the two of us would walk out of there without a tab well over $200. But hey, if it’s great, then what the heck.
We shared a “starter,” which used to be called an appetizer among other things before the Saxons invaded, of little neck clams, which were delicious but not really proof of excellent cooking given that they’re raw and the shells only needed to be opened. It took a surprisingly long time for the clams to arrive, but we joked that they were out back catching them as we waited to make sure they were extra fresh. But they did set a good mood, pleased with the sauce with a side of horseradish at our request, which we immediately stirred into the red sauce. And sure, there was only one lemon wedge for a dozen clams, but if you squeeze really hard, you would be amazed how much juice you can get out of a single wedge.
And the Sancerre didn’t hurt any.
Then came our dinners. Dr. SJ got the linguine with clams, which was supposed to be their specialty, and I got the dinner special, ribeye au poivre, because I love ribeye and au poivre. Dr. SJ tasted her dinner first, and it was bland. It wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t great. It didn’t quite reach good. It was bland. As she described, it was the sort of linguine you would make at home, not the linguine you go to a restaurant and pay for.
So the food wasn’t great. Live and learn. The chef can’t cook any better than he can cook, so if that was the best he could do, then the restaurant wasn’t good enough for a return visit.
Then I tried my ribeye. It was not a ribeye as that cut is understood in New York. It was under an inch thick, meaning there was no sear on the outside as it would have cooked too quickly beyond a medium rare to gain a decent exterior sear. Maybe that’s why they covered in au poivre, so the greyish-brown of the meat wouldn’t be so obvious? Then I cut a slice. It was all fat, and by all fat, I mean completely, totally, fat. As was the next slice and the next.
I cut half the theoretical steak into slices before I finally hit meat. I was displeased.
Dr. SJ saw the look on my puss and said, “don’t ruin dinner by getting upset. Just eat what’s left and we know better than to come here again.”
Dr. SJ does not like it when I complain. Neither do my kids. They are embarrassed and find confrontation very uncomfortable. I do not share this sense of awkwardness. In my view, the restaurant should be embarrassed to serve food of poor quality or poorly prepared. Mind you, it’s one thing to go to a restaurant that makes no pretensions to serving fine food, as reflected in the shockingly high price for its dinner. Go to a mundane restaurant, get pedestrian food and you get what you paid for. And I add, sometimes pedestrian food is surprisingly good for what it is, and you enjoy a better meal than you expected.
In order to avoid upsetting Dr. SJ, I didn’t call the owner over to complain about my ribeye, even though there was a huge pile of inedible fat on my plate that rivaled the tepid steak. The owner had been by the table when the food arrived, before we had a chance to taste anything, and asked if everything was okay. I replied that we had yet to eat anything, so it was fine so far. But as the meal unfolded, no one came by to ask again. Maybe they knew better than to ask after we tried their food?
Eventually the check came and, after sucking air through clenched teeth, we paid the exorbitant tab. It was the correct amount for the meal we ordered. and we fulfilled our end of the transaction even though they fell short on their end. But no fuss was made and Dr. SJ appreciated that I didn’t make her uncomfortable, even if my plate was piled high with fat where ribeye was supposed to be.
On the way out, we passed the owner, who asked if we enjoyed the meal. I couldn’t resist. I told him that my steak was not up to snuff and half my plate was fat. He replied that ribeye was a fatty cut, which, of course, isn’t true. I responded, “not when it’s properly prepared.” He said he couldn’t argue with that, and offered us an after-dinner drink. I demurred, as we’re not really drinkers and were already on our way out of the restaurant.
After we left, Dr. SJ said to me, “You had to, didn’t you?” Hey, he asked, and it’s not as if I didn’t complete the transaction on my end. It’s not as if they gave me the steak and told me to only pay if I liked it.
So we’re never going back there again? Not necessarily. We may well return, but next time only for little neck clams with extra horseradish and a glass of Sancerre.
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I worked in restaurants during my late teens and 20s. Much better to politely ask for your food to be redone and give the restaurant a chance to fix it than to not return, or nowadays, to give a poor rating on Yelp. As long as the diner is polite, it’s not really a confrontation. Humans aren’t infallible, and since humans are preparing ad cooking the food, sometimes there are issues. Even after having worked more than a decade in restaurants, so you’d assume that I’d be especially sensitive, I have no problem returning a steak if they have overcooked it or sending food back that has come to the table cold. I am just nice about it!
It’s curious to me why former restaurant workers (didn’t we all work at a restaurant at some point in our lives?) emphasize politeness. No one suggested otherwise, but it ignores a few things that need to be fleshed out.
If the meal arrives cold, what was the kitchen or waiter doing serving it? Why is it the diner’s problem when this is such a basic aspect of dinner? It’s the restaurant’s job to serve the meal hot. Don’t shift your fault to the diner and then demand the diner be polite about it. Do better.
If the steak arrives overcooked, the dinner is fucked. The rest of the table has their food already. If they wait, their food is cold. If they eat, they’re finished their meal before the new properly cooked steak shows up. And this is the diner’s problem too?
But if, as was the example in Scott’s post, a steak that’s half fat shows up at the table, whoever cooked it knew that the meat wasn’t trimmed, knew that he was serving fat and did it anyway. It’s not just that the cook is human and fallible, but the cook made the active decision to serve a diner crap. But as long as the diner is nice about it, you have no problem? How special of you.
He discussed Dr. Sj not wanting a confrontation and because we are humans and not machines. Humans respond better to politeness and not outrage. if someone loses their shit with the server who didn’t cook the food and delivered it without tasting it, the flight or fight response kicks in and you are much more likely to have that ‘confrontation’ that Dr. SJ would like to avoid. Also, But as long as the diner is calm and polite about it, there is little risk of discomfort for the rest of the people at the table and then they could have taken it off the bill and he would’t have had to pay for a substandard meal. There’s a good chance the cook simply made a mistake rather than an “active decision” “How special of you.” is kind of an A-hole thing to write to me. See how that is, you could have written exactly the same thing without being a jerk by just leaving off that line.
The LEAST you can do is give an honest yelp/google rating. At least save others from your experience. If yours was a one off, or they fix everything quick, your review will be a blip in a sea of awesome. If they consistently suck – reviews are how the rest of us avoid paying too much for a shitty meal.
I agree with Mr. Taylor. It does the world (the restaurant, prospective diners) good to illuminate the situation and it does so in a way that will not trouble Dr. SJ or your marital bliss.
“You had to, didn’t you?”
Not because your a meanie but because you honestly want them to do better. Same as your car radio repair and same as the busted Mont Blanc pen. It’s all about the details and always has been.
These days, many are trying to wing it and expect maximum praise for minimum effort. And much of it’s because people keep quiet and let them carry on in undeserved glory. People are offended by constructive criticism at every turn.
I am not that timid when it comes to my hard earned cash and restaurants.
[Ed. Note: Links added. It’s good to know that someone remembers. Thank you.]
You were properly suckered is all. The owner lured you in with the cheap easy stuff, skimped on the expensive stuff, and then applied the disarming Ronseal of a mea culpa to the hot steam whistling out of the chinks in your civility. It worked and you now want to add to their future profits to suppress your middle-class guilt.
Somewhere along the line, restaurants became part of the oppressed group. This is particularly true for youngsters, who see the wait staff as poor, oppressed workers who are not responsible for whatever failings a restaurant might have, and that complaining is primarily directed at these poor, oppressed servers so it shouldn’t be done.
Bullshit. As Ron said above, no one suggests that you should behave like a jerk (although even jerks get checks at the end of the meal), but wait staff is usually the only connection between diner and owner, so who else are you going to talk to about a problem? And if it’s not the server’s fault, they should bring over the manager or owner to address it and place the responsibility where it belongs.
But contrary to Jennifer, and to Scott’s point, this is a transaction and not a favor that restaurants or waiters do for diners. Diners pay for the friggin’ meal and they should get what they pay for. The restaurant isn’t doing you a favor. The waiter isn’t doing you a favor. They both want their money, like the diner wants his meal.
An improperly graded, aged, cut, trimmed or cooked ribeye is an affront to God and sentient humanity. You were far too restrained. But such is the price of marital bliss.
This is the closest I’ve ever gotten to fine dining.
Dr SJ,
We all make mistakes. I want to address the tone of communication between the diner and the owner. It is really hard to be honest and say your served dinner sucked but we know how to have fun and didn’t let your lapses spoil our evening out.
Let’s hope Darth Cheeto’s new law – no tax on tips – will attract better staff to every full-service restaurant. The current rule requiring “imputed tips” is ridiculous. I must confess, I really like this proposed change. Here’s hoping it will improve your dining experience too!
You had to, didn’t you. May your memory be a blessing.
Chef’s kiss
It’s a funny coincidence that we had prime rib last night too. This was an early 80s time capsule of a place, and the prime rib was a substantial slab of meat. The side dishes were undistinguished but we knew that going in. .
If service or food is substandard, feedback tells them to do better or at least that someone is not simply smiling and nodding at their BS. All this “wait staff are an oppressed class” forgets that we work hard to pay for that meal out.
Alice May Brock, RIP.
Remember Alice? There is a song about Alice.
https://www.facebook.com/RisingSonRecords/posts/pfbid02daYVBpFBJmLqigP2r8Wa28pV1JJSCt4kRYjmMqQTB8GtVErdm7CfeY4xes8Uimaml
She made a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn’t be beat. Rest in peace, Alice.
To fans, this may become Alice’s Restaurant Day.
Our favorite server does indeed say “I love you guys” when we arrive and when we leave. She’s at a chain where everything is predictably the same each time. We tip her well for her service. The Love Yous are nice too though.
Sounds like “…when I complain” may be doing a fair amount of lifting.
A former restaurant boss (at a…far less reputable seafood house, the kind where the food came on plastic trays) once impressed upon all of us: “We’re *not* providing the customer a product. We’re providing a service.” And those customers were downright vocal about complaints. Mean, even. It may have been because the server in question was best suited to washing dishes, but also because this was a…far less reputable seafood house. The old chestnut from “Tootsie” about who you’ll take shit from seems not only applicable to politics, but also to restaurants.
“And how would you like your ribeye, sir?”
“Done well.”
At least Tim Wilson did not have to bounce you out of Chuck E Cheese Hell.
In the ( good) old days the proprietor would have comped the meal for the table.
( comped means not charged for younger people)
Sorry I’m late–I’ve been cruising the Swamp, from stone crab land to gumboville.
You just made the wrong choice. Come back to this part of the Swamp and we’ll get another bone-in filet.