Friends, have you ever sat down to watch a television show expecting a few cheap laughs at the expense of others and then find yourself wondering if you should apologize for wasting several hours of your television’s life? That would be your humble humorist after several seasons of an Investigation Discovery show my better half subjected me to called “The Curious Case of Natalia Grace.” I went in thinking this would be a new “Tiger King” at which to gawk, and now have left the series finale with a bad taste in my mouth and less faith in humanity.

If you’ve yet to experience this mess allow me to attempt to break this wreck down like the massive “Final Destination”-sized car crash it is. An Indiana couple named Michael and Kristine Barnett adopt a little girl from Ukraine named Natalia Grace. She’s got dwarfism, several medical issues and a hard-luck story that’d make a stone weep. It sounds like a Hallmark story at first until you listen to the Barnetts, who claim Natalia isn’t a young girl but a fully-grown woman pulling the wool over their eyes like a pigtailed Eastern Bloc con artist. They spin yarns of Natalia Grace attempting to poison their coffee or menacing them with kitchen knives while they slept.

The fix? Get a judge to say she’s 22 years old, drop her off in a fully-furnished apartment like a bad habit and then hightail it to Canada. I swear I’m not making any of this up.

Frequent readers here know my mean-ass editor and I are largely skeptical of documentary TV series and The Curious Case of Natalia Grace is an excellent example of why you should view all this crap with jaded eyes. This wild tale goes straight into the reality TV meat grinder and drops all the classic hits of that genre: shaky camcorder footage, weepy interviews, and a narrator who sounds like he’s auditioning for a true-crime podcast.

Anyway, the Barnetts swear they’re the victims, Natalia has her side, and by season two there’s DNA tests, quarrelsome doctors, and another family stepping in to adopt Natalia because apparently no one in this story heard of quitting while they’re ahead. It’s like watching a soap opera scripted by a roomful of squirrels hopped up on Mountain Dew.

Now don’t get me wrong—there’s a real human story buried under all of this nonsense. Natalia’s condition, the adoption system, the legal shenanigans—that’s meaty stuff. Could’ve been a thoughtful hour on PBS or Sixty Minutes. But it’s “Investigative Discovery,” so they don’t really do any of that. They do loud. Their producers want you hollering at the television and posting on Twitter how all crazy it is. And every episode is strung out just enough like a fishing line, dangling just enough to keep you hooked even if you’re cursing yourself for it.

What gets me, sitting here with my Diet Dr. Pepper and dog snoring at my feet, is how this show turns a sad, complex situation into a sideshow. Natalia’s a person, not a plot twist. The Barnetts are not cartoon villains, even if Michael looks suspiciously like Fred Durst’s clone these days. The producers are out here like carnival barkers, waving their arms and shouting “Come and see the orphan girl!” I kept waiting for the commercial break to advertise a two-headed calf. By the end of the show I felt rode hard and put away wet—and not in a good way.

Look, here’s the bottom line: If you’re the sort of person who enjoys rubbernecking at the misfortunes of others, The Curious Case of Natalia Grace will strike you like fine catnip. It’s got drama, betrayal and enough “what the hell” moments for a month of book club arguments. But if you’re looking for answers, or even a lick of decency, then you’re barking up the wrong tree. This show’s about as deep as a kiddie pool and twice as murky.

Me? I’m gonna atone for my sins by rewatching Twin Peaks this weekend. At least that crazy made sense.

See y’all next week!