Author Archives: Chris Seaton

Seaton: In Memoriam, The Iron Sheik

In the storied world of professional wrestling, few figures loom as large as the late Iron Sheik. Born on March 15, 1942, in Tehran, Iran, as Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri, the Iron Sheik would go on to become one of the most iconic villains in the history of the business. As we take a moment to remember his life and legacy, it’s worth reflecting on how he shaped the world of wrestling and how he became a symbol of bravado, pride, and patriotism – albeit, one that was often controversial.

Sheik’s life story is one of perseverance and determination. Born into a working-class family, he showed an early aptitude for wrestling and quickly rose through the ranks of Iranian wrestling. He won his first national championship at 18 and went on to represent Iran in the 1968 Summer Olympics in Mexico City. Vaziri even caught the eye of the Shah of Iran and served as the Shah’s personal bodyguard! Continue reading

Seaton: Project Alpha (Or My All-Time Favorite Con)

Greetings, dear readers of Simple Justice! Today, I want to delve into a fascinating story of a hoax that rocked the world of parapsychology and exposed the charlatans who peddled their wares as psychic phenomena. I am, of course, talking about the con game called “Project Alpha,” run by three magicians that exposed just how little rigor scientists apply to their methods when they want to believe something is true.

For the uninitiated, James Randi was a magician and skeptic who devoted his life to debunking claims of paranormal and supernatural abilities. He founded the James Randi Educational Foundation, which offered a million-dollar prize to anyone who could demonstrate their paranormal powers under scientific scrutiny. Though Randi has left this world, the James Randi Educational Foundation (JREF) still stands, and that million dollar prize has never been collected. Continue reading

Seaton: Writers’ Strike, Week 2

ONE. A letter never sent.


I hope this letter finds you in good spirits, because I’ve got a bone to pick with the universe, and you’re the closest thing I’ve got to a cosmic complaint department. You see, I thought I could escape the madness of this writer’s strike in LA, but my grand plan went awry. And whose fault is that? Nobody’s but my own, I suppose. But still, I’d like to vent. Continue reading

Seaton: Writers’ Strike

ONE: A conversation that almost certainly didn’t happen.

SHG: Hey Chris, heard you’re planning to join the TV and film writers on strike in LA?

Chris: Yeah, I’m gonna do designer drugs and throw cans of soup at art to show my solidarity.

SHG: Hmm, that’s one way to do it. But just so you know, AI can write your columns if you run off to LA.*

Chris: What? You’re saying a robot can replace me? Continue reading

Seaton: Thoughts On “The Voice”

I recently started watching the NBC singing competition “The Voice” while dealing with some family issues. The following are my thoughts on the season so far.

Blake Shelton’s kind of a dick. I can’t tell whether he’s trying hard to be a curmudgeon, an aging rocker, the cool dad or a combination of the three. His dickish nature seems to be a response to the presence of Kelly Clarkson, who apparently loves to fight with Blake constantly. Continue reading

Seaton: The SJ Guide to St. Paddy’s Day 2023

Happy Saint Paddy’s Day, dear readers! This year, the holiday where everyone is Irish falls at the tail end of Spring Break, so expect many dumb college kids puking in the streets of every destination town you can find. Worry not, you can still celebrate Saint Paddy’s in peaceful merriment.

We celebrate Saint Paddy’s day around these parts pretty much every day, depending on the mood, but today is a great day to reconnect with half my roots. My family’s half Scottish, half Irish, so we get all of the good traits from both lands without the desire to wear kilts.*

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Continue reading

Seaton: Three Jokes

A Greek and an Irishman are sitting in a cafe arguing over whose culture is superior.

The Greek sips on his latte and says, “My people built impressive temples to the sun and moon!”

“Aye,” says the Irishman, “and the Irish discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”

“My people were some of the finest mathematicians the world has ever known,” the Greek continues, “and they came up with the measurements we use for time!”

“That may be true,” says his companion, “but the Irish invented the first timepieces.” Continue reading

Seaton Gets Red-Assed About Dinks

I should probably start this week with an apology. I’m in a mood. This happens to me every once in a while, and the only thing I can really do to get rid of it is motherfuck somebody into next week. My sainted grandmother, God rest her soul, used to call this mood of mine “getting a case of the red ass.“

This week’s target of my ire are dinks. “DINK” is an acronym for “dual income, no kids.” if you ask me, it’s also a shorthand for selfish brats with zero desire to accomplish anything with their lives. Like I said, it’s just my opinion. Continue reading