Author Archives: Chris Seaton

Seaton: Mr. Graham’s Circus Comes To Washington

The Senate Judiciary Committee, ostensibly a bipartisan group tasked with advising and giving consent on Presidential judicial nominations, packed up and left town this week for Mitch and Lindsay’s Traveling Circus. The star act was, of course, Judge Amy Coney Barrett and her confirmation to the Supreme Court.

Ringmaster Lindsay Graham started the party Monday by letting everyone know his team had the votes to do what they wanted, so this would go either the easy way or the hard way. Committee Democrats responded by complaining how unfair the thing Lindsay’s team wanted to do was and they were all mean, no good poopy-pants. Continue reading

Seaton: Vice Presidential Promo Class

Regular readers of the Friday Funny know I make a point to not go for the same gag twice in two weeks. I hope you’ll forgive your humble humorist; the last month has seen my quiet mountain town lock 2000 college students in isolation due to COVID, a loose “tiger” within city limits, and a plane make an emergency landing on the interstate.

No, I’m not making any of that up. I appreciate your understanding. Let’s get to it. Continue reading

Seaton: Presidential Promo Class

Wednesday, I remarked that this week’s “debate” looked like two old men with delusions of being professional wrestlers attempting to cut promos on each other. This was especially troubling for the President, who’s actually in the WWE Hall of Fame. For those of you unfamiliar with that tidbit, no, I did not make that up.

So today we’re going to discuss the fine art of cutting a promo. Let’s be realistic, we’re not getting any actual debates out of Trump or Biden. If they’re going to trade insults they need to do it in an entertaining fashion that actually draws people in. Continue reading

Seaton: A Mayor, A Sheriff and The Card

Mayor Tribe, sweating from a recently ingested cocktail of uppers and downers, jolted at his desk when Louise’s breathy voice buzzed through the phone.

“Mayor Tribe, your three-o-clock is in Conference Room B,” his secretary said.

Tribe’s three-o-clock meeting was with suits. Lawyers. He wasn’t sure what the problem was, but Tribe hoped he could get the matter resolved in short order. Lenny’d always been able to talk his way out of problems with suits in the past. Plus he was a lawyer before getting elected as Mayor of Mud Lick. Surely he could talk to his own kind! Continue reading

Seaton: My Encounter With RBG

I just learned of Justice Ginsburg’s passing. It is unquestionably a loss for the legal profession as a whole.

At this time, I am reminded of the day I met she who would later be known as “The Notorious RBG.” It was the day I gained admission to the Supreme Court bar by virtue of the fraternity I joined in law school. The lawyers sponsoring us told us in advance we would meet at least one Justice following our admission, and Justice Ginsburg might come as well. Continue reading

Seaton: Local Tips For Country Living

Yesterday my mean-ass editor reflected on the conditions causing his friend Daniel to flee city life for the joys of the country. Apparently Daniel’s not the only one, and it’s not just Northerners fleeing for the country life. The West Coast is apparently driving former residents to the heart of America.

I can’t say I’m thrilled at this development, personally. Part of the joy in country living is there’s not as many people. Still, as the day progressed, it dawned on me I might be able to help a few of you coming this way to learn the ropes. After all, we’re going to be living near each other, so we might as well be civil. Continue reading

Seaton: #Butthisemails With New Dispatches From Mud Lick

Prefatory note: I met up with someone using the handle “BlueDragon34” on my Discord server last week who informed me “StickyWeeks” is currently in jail awaiting trial for his brave efforts in bringing us transparency in law enforcement communications. “Dragon,” as I call my new ally, swore to carry on Sticky’s work. Apparently the Dragon delivers—CLS

 July 29, 2020
FROM: Templeton, Roy ([email protected])
TO: ALL DEPARTMENTS
RE: McNally Protocols Lifting

Good morning, all: Continue reading

Seaton: Meetings Not Taken, Laws Not Needed

National media’s attention focused on Tennessee about a week ago when Governor Bill Lee signed into law a bill potentially stripping protesters of their ability to vote. At least that was the attention-grabbing narrative during an election season rife with incessant screeching about voter suppression. The context of SB 8005 adds no shine to the law and blunts that narrative’s credibility.

As interest and energy waned in Seattle’s “Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone,” talk of establishing a similar community in Nashville started briefly on social media. Governor Lee wasn’t keen on a similar “summer of love” in Music City, warning protesters Nashville would never allow a Volunteer State version of CHAZ. Continue reading

Seaton: Stud Storytime

This week I’m telling you my all-time favorite “crazy but true” story. It’s about the time “The Tennessee Stud,” Ron Fuller, wrestled in the Bahamas.* I first heard Ron tell it a couple of years ago and this unbelievable yarn still tickles me to this day. My problem is any written version of this won’t nearly do it as much justice as if you heard it from the man himself. Check the link at the bottom of the post to remedy that.

“Dynasty” is an excellent term to describe the Fuller/Welch family’s impact on the wrestling world. Their influence spans 90 years across four generations. Countless grapplers learned the business from the family.** Ron’s grandfather, Roy Welch,*** was a master promoter with a knack for turning a dying town into a cash cow for the wrestling business.**** Continue reading

Seaton: In Memoriam, Stu Baker’s Career

Dear readers, we gather this week to mourn the death of Stuart Baker’s career.

Baker was until recently a voice actor on the Adult Swim cartoon “Squidbillies,” and booked musical acts as “Unknown Hinson,” where he sings “his own hilariously politically incorrect songs” while dressed like “Dracula’s nasty little brother.”*

His career death came last week when he did something no one with a soul, and no red-blooded redneck, could tolerate: he spoke ill of Dolly Parton. Continue reading