Author Archives: Chris Seaton

Seaton: A Rocky Coaching Conundrum

NCAA Football is to many a way of life. Here in the South, College Football is almost a religion, especially in the Southeastern Conference (SEC).

And in Knoxville, the cathedral we lovingly call “Neyland Stadium” is starting to stink.

Coach Jeremy Pruitt was fired Monday by the University of Tennessee allegedly for cause” following an NCAA investigation over recruiting irregularities. Nine other staffers got the axe. The Athletics Director announced his resignation. The University leaked the email outlining the rationale behind their decision to the press. Continue reading

Seaton: John Drinks At The End (Yet Again)

Last call, everyone!” Tulip O’Hare, the Grassy Knoll pub’s newest bartender shouted.

“It’s nine thirty,” a man at the end of the bar muttered in complaint.

“Private function tonight, Arseface,” said Jesse Custer, the Knoll’s owner, as he left the pub’s spartan “office” area. “You pay to shut the Knoll down so you can drink in peace and we’ll talk.”

The man grumbled, paid his tab and left. Continue reading

Seaton: The Misunderstood Mr. Williams

Today, we’re taking a look at one of my favorite places on Earth and a murder that’s fascinated me for years. Before any of you start, none of this has to do with pro wrestling. I have principles, dammit.

Savannah, Georgia is my favorite place in the country besides my mountain home. The architecture is exquisite, the food decadent, and so much history is baked into Savannah you can’t help but be charmed. Continue reading

Seaton: Deputy Tyrone’s Christmas Essay

Prefatory note: this was weird. I was at the grocery store when someone in a Sheriff’s office uniform approached me with a stack of papers. I assumed I was being served until I noticed the pages were wide ruled and written in crayon.

 “The Sheriff needs your help deciphering this,” the deputy told me before abruptly leaving. I took my time parsing through the terrible scribbling and, well, read on. You’ll see, –CLS

Dear Sheriff Roy, Continue reading

Seaton: The SJ Year In Review

If you’re reading this, congratulations. We did it. We survived 2020. It’s worth celebrating.

While I’m sure most of us would love to relegate 2020 to the dust bin of history, it’s important we take a moment to appreciate how batshit insane the year was and give it true justice by making fun of the weirdness.

The only problem with doing a proper 2020 year in review is the sheer volume of material. So much happened in the last year some weeks flew by in minutes. So if a particular item of interest isn’t here, feel free to let us know in the comments. Let’s get started. Cast your minds back to… Continue reading

Seaton: The Problematic “Santa Clause”

Merry Christmas everyone!  Hopefully you’re reading this with a hot cup of your favorite beverage in hand after a visit from Santa. Speaking of that jolly old elf, he’s sort of the subject of today’s post. Imagine that. Topical humor from little ol’ me.

“The Santa Clause” trilogy of films are among my better half’s favorite Christmas movies. We watch them every year in a marathon session. If you’re not familiar with them, Tim Allen plays Scott Calvin, a guy who dons Santa’s suit after an accident and becomes Santa Claus, frolicking his way through Christmas-themed adventures. Continue reading

Seaton: Crime and Punishment, Pandemic Edition

What you’re about to read was written initially during the first lockdowns as an absurd mechanism of coping with the pandemic. I set it aside at the time as it didn’t seem right then to share it. I hope you enjoy it.—CLS

Carl checked his watch as he made his way to the jail doors. The time was 1:45. I should make my two o’ clock on time, Carl thought. Clients always appreciate punctuality.

Although times were different, Carl made a point to wear a fresh three-piece-suit and carry his leather briefcase to every client meeting. He firmly believed keeping up appearances gave clients a sense of safety in a world gone mad. Continue reading

Seaton: Deputy Miranda’s Thanksgiving Guest

“Evening Ernie,” Francine’s voice crackled through the radio.

“Evening Francine,” Deputy Ernesto Miranda replied. “Sheriff Roy’s got you on dispatch tonight?”

“Norma Jean’s on maternity leave, so a few of us are covering for her. Could you handle a roadside distress call?”

“You mean like a flat tire? Isn’t that Garage 66’s wheelhouse?” Continue reading

Seaton: Saturday At The Knoll

It was a good Saturday night at the Grassy Knoll Pub.

Patrons just finished the nightly tradition of singing “Sweet Home Alabama” while the jukebox played. The Tide’s win meant business was up. All this had owner Jesse Custer in a jovial mood from his spot behind the bar.

Custer’s mood gave way to disbelief when two black SUVs pulled up to the curb at closing time.

Here we go again, Jesse thought. Continue reading