When the phone rings after office hours, it’s usually a person in distress. This call was no different. A woman doing her best Nancy Grace imitation started talking after I said “hello” and just kept going until she needed to take a breath. Man, could she hold her breath.
She started out telling me she was Mimi Coffey and that I knew who she was. I didn’t. As my mind raced trying unsuccessfully to figure out who Mimi Coffey could be, I listened as she told me that I probably didn’t realize this, but children read my blawg, and those children turned out to be hers. She was calling because she was “from Texas, and us Texans talk straight,” she informed me. Them Texans also sound like Nancy Grace to this Yankee, which made it awfully hard not to laugh.
When she finally took a breath, 17 minutes later, I had the picture. The caller was Tarrant County, Texas lawyer, Mimi Coffey, who was the subject of a post of last February. She was honored for her efforts on Fox News channel opining on the subject of the McCartney/Mills divorce, calling Heather Mills a “gold digger,” despite the fact that she was a DUI lawyer who lacked any expertise in matrimonial law. But that never stopped a lawyer when there’s a TV camera around.
My post was the by-product of a post by fellow Tarrant County lawyer Shawn Matlock. While informing me that they must like what she has to say on Fox because they keep asking her back, her purpose was to tell me that one line in the original post made her angry because her kids read it and didn’t I realize that children read this blawg?
Shawn Matlock (formerly Young Shawn) wasn’t on slut patrol when he plopped his butt down to watch TV. Sometimes, it just happens that way.Slut patrol.
Mimi Coffey took no issue with my having pointed out her willingness to take to the airwaves on a topic in which she possessed no qualifications and called Heather Mills a “gold digger,” but I called her a “slut” and now, she asserted, her children think she is sexually promiscuous. Let me be painfully clear about this: I have no idea whether Mimi Coffey is sexually promiscuous or not. But let me be similarly painfully clear that she is promiscuous when it comes to the media. Apparently, the word “slut” in Tarrant County has only one connotation, a reflection perhaps of undue emphasis on sexual repression?
This raised some interesting issues in my mind. If she’s so concerned about what her children see on the internet, why are they cruising the web without parental supervision? Could it be that Coffey should spend more time at home and less time waiting outside the door of the Fox News studios, in case they need someone to appear on air on the subject of, oh, geriatric law. After all, octogenarian porn is all the rage in Tarrant County from what I hear.
Then Coffey informed me that she could sue me for “slander” for calling her a “slut” (I know it’s libel when written, but she said slander and I must be accurate in recounting the call). I strongly urged her to do so if she felt she was harmed. She immediately switched gear, apparently recognizing that yet again opined on a subject about which she was clueless.
Her point was that I should censor Simple Justice because “children read your blawg” and they should not have to read words like “slut” associated with her. Didn’t I have children too, she asked? Yes, Mimi, I have children too. And I would have used this opportunity to teach my children that a person who was desirous of going on TV to present themselves to others as an expert when in fact they were not is a media slut, not a sexual slut. I try to never pass up a learning opportunity. It’s just the type of guy I am.
I have no plans, however, to censor this blawg to compensate for another person’s failure to teach their children properly. Next time, you explain to your children that the word “slut” can refer to different forms of promiscuity, and sexual isn’t the only one. Next time, keep your eye on your kids when they are online googling your name to see what a star their mommy has become. Next time, limit your television appearances to a subject you know something about, and then you won’t find yourself the target of a blawg post somewhere. But then, you like the limelight a little too much for that, don’t you? And for God’s sake, stop sounding like Nancy Grace when you talk. It’s just wrong.
But I’m not heartless. Since Mimi thought it better to call me to whine about the language in my post, it seemed like the least I could do to help Mimi Coffey out was to fill in the neglected parental role and remove the taint of sexual promiscuity that so offended her. Always happy to be of help, Mimi. No need to thank me.