Our next stop on the Caribbean cruise was St. Thomas, or as the locals call it, “Santo Tomas.”

They don’t actually call it that but it will get you some fun reactions if you refer to this spot in the U.S. Virgin Islands as such. Try it next time you’re there!

Anyway, today was to be a rather light day in excursions. We found a sky tram that takes tourists from the bottom of the island to the top of its mountains, where one can see some spectacular views. While walking to said tram, my wife and I noticed something very off-putting for us both: our ten-year-old son had basically worn through the only shoes he’d brought on the cruise to the point where he walked on the sides of his feet.

Cursing silently as I looked at the map of touristy destinations provided the moment one gets off the ship, I mentally prepared myself for the experience of overpaying for either Crocs or Hey Dude slip-on sneakers for kids, as these were the only two shoe outlets I saw within any proximity to where we docked.

Imagine my surprise, dear reader, as within spitting distance of the sky tram depot we found—wonder of all wonders—a PAYLESS SHOES! I’m pretty sure this was the last one in either the United States or its territories, so that’s a point of distinction. My son found a pair of blue skater shoes he liked and we parted with what I still think is the best $30 we spent the entire damn cruise for his footwear.

Next up was boarding the sky tram. If you’re not a fan of heights you’ll still get a kick out of this ride. It’s completely enclosed and you’ll see just how beautiful the island is going up and down it on your adventure.

At the top of the island we visited a restaurant known for a drink called the “Bushwhacker.” I’m still not sure what was in this other than multiple types of alcohol and the ice cream one gets at Wendy’s when one orders a Frosty. Not that I’m complaining about a boozy Frosty, mind you.

The food at this restaurant was fair. I had jerk chicken nachos which I enjoyed tremendously. That’s not what concerns me about this stop, though. What grinds my gears here are the water thieves.

Allow me to elaborate. At this restaurant there was a large water pitcher set out and a stack of plastic glasses for the restaurant patrons. Next to the table holding the water pitcher was a sign that read as follows:

“This water is for patrons of the restaurant only. Please use the provided plastic cups if you are a patron of our restaurant and would like refreshment. Do not fill up water bottles with our pitcher please.”

Friends, I saw at least three people fill up water bottles at this station. Most of them were older people. Which leads me to ask the following question: Is there a point in life where old people just decide to stop giving a fuck about printed signs or instructions and do whatever the hell they want? [Ed. Note: Yes.]

Mind you, this behavior wasn’t limited to this restaurant in St. Thomas. I saw several people filling up water bottles at stations in the cruise buffet that clearly bore signs asking people to refrain from such activities.

This leads me to several other questions I feel a need to ask about the modern world:

*Why do so many women over 40 now need nose rings?
*Are septum piercings in younger folks a sign my generation failed them?
*Should there be shame in tramp stamps? I say yes.

There’s more, but I don’t want to get cancelled. Yet.

That’s pretty much all for Saint Thomas. See y’all next time!