It happened again. When you think a desperate lawyer has finally realized that he can’t behave like trash online and will mend his ways, he manages to find a new, as yet unplumbed depth of poor choices. Florida lawyer, Gary Ostrow, has had his struggles with some very bad personal choices.
But if Patrick Zarrelli is any indication, then Ostrow has gone from very bad to monumentally idiotic. Zarrelli claims to be handling Ostrow’s reputation management, which is apparently his latest effort to make a buck following the crash and burn of his curious attempt to wear big boy pants by publishing something called the South Florida Chronicle. One disaster foretells the next.
The South Florida Chronicle, a monthly straight magazine that was infrequently distributed in South Florida, has bit the dust.
Its owner, Patrick Zarelli, also known as ‘Kid Chronic,’ announced Saturday they have stopped publishing. Its last issue was a combined June/July, product, awkward for a monthly, but consistent with their amorphous Facebook theme that they publish, “when we feel like it.”
‘Kid Chronic’ had bragged that he posted 4,000 blogs with “2.5 million views,” which was “all in day’s work.”
With one failure firmly in hand, Kid Chronic doubles down:
Zarelli declared on Monday “the South Florida Chronicle has shut down completely.” He intends, however, to reincorporate “as a new company with a whole new concept.”
Further indicating that he has “no money, does not own a home, or even a car,” Zarelli scoffed at the thought of being sued for past debts, noting, “the company doesn’t exist anymore,” and “doesn’t even have a bank account.”
Combative management takes steps to fight back against poor reviews by flooding the internet with positive reviews of your company. Even though negative statements cannot be erased, we can make them almost impossible to find, buried under glowing positivity and reviews that will bring customers flocking to you. We’ll push those negative results straight from the first page of search results into places that no one will ever look.
It would make perfect sense that Gary Ostrow, fresh off his latest bout of discipline, would find someone like Kid Chronic to “fix” his reputation problems.
When Zarrelli called and launched into his pitch of his mad internet skillz and how I would have to take down posts about Ostrow or face his wrath, a bar discipline complaint, I told him to “go for it, asswipe.” My tolerance for stupid is limited these days.*
Apparently, after I hung up on him, he called Dan Hull (who called to share his fun trolling this kid, who informed Hull that he was going to destroy his firm) and Mark Bennett, threatening him as well with a grievance if he didn’t succumb to Zarrelli’s overwhelming power. Bennett was unimpressed, and responded in the finest tradition of the James Bailey.
Anyway, Gary, I thought you’d like to know that some stupid asshole calling himself Patrick Zarrelli is going around trying to fuck up your reputation while claiming to be your agent. Despite the judgment errors in your past (which are legion—we all make mistakes), I doubt that you are dumb enough to hire this Zarrelli character to try to push me around.
Are you, Gary?
But Zarrelli, apparently realizing that he had yet to prove himself worthy, decided to double down with me, so he called and left me a message.
Damn thoughtful of him (with his 20 million readers, plus the 252 people who follow him on the twitters) to give me this second chance. [Here’s a transcript of the voicemail, if you’re not into easy listening]. After all, he was the runt of a family of “high powered lawyers,” like “Giuliani’s right-hand man,” Michael Zarrelli. For such a high profile lawyer, related to a reputation management ninja like Patrick, it’s not entirely clear who he is. Then again, he’s probably unaware that the family runt is throwing his name around.
These attorneys who I will later mention later in an extensive piece on all our websites were rude, cocky and arrogant. Even though they know what they are doing is wrong, dark, and unethical. Because in the real world they have a better understand of our complex laws and can use that to their advantage to bully people.
However on the internet, this means absolutely nothing, since the internet essentially is governed by no one. Moreover the internet is one of the most well documented places on the planet, and if you know how to read the code you can track and map out anything. So I honestly cant wait to see the look on these guys faces when I map out this internet advertising scam and send it to all the state bars they are admitted in.
These guys think their little legal blogs were so great they could cyber bully my client. But now the real internet hero is on the case, and my sites get in a day, the traffic, their sites get in a year combined. Not to mention the other 80 clients blogs I manage. I can literally publish articles about them 100 websites at a time.
Cool, you real internet hero. So could this kid really be the person Gary Ostrow turned to? Is this pompous pimple going to save Ostrow from his stream of really bad decisions, or is this just one more monumentally stupid choice?
Cyber bullying is always fun, till a bigger bully comes along, so watch your step lawyers.
Sigh. The idiot children with their bully talk. Well, the least I can do is clarify for Zarrelli’s sake the outcome of his efforts. As is my way whenever someone demands that I cleanse the SJ of stuff that makes them sad, and threatens me with whatever nonsense they think is going to scare me, I try my best to make my position clear: Bite me, asshole.
Update: Did Ostrow really hire this dweeb as his white knight? Bennett asked and Ostrow answered, with his usual humility.
“You have no fucking idea what’s coming your way, my friend. Have a nice fucking life.” —Ostrow, when asked to confirm that Zarrelli was his
— Mark W. Bennett (@MarkWBennett) October 30, 2015
*Zarrelli claimed that he recorded the telephone call. I suspect this was just more bullshit, but if he did, the least he could do is send me a copy so I can add it in. Got enough butter for the popcorn?