I’m all in favor of lawyers making a living.  Better lawyers should make a better living.  Great lawyers should make a great living.  But there is a point where it becomes absurd, and it looks like we’ve reached that point.  Courtesy of law.com, we hear of Broward County, Florida, attorney Willie Gary seeking $11,000 an hour. 

Some of you may remember ol’ Humble Willie, the lawyer with the flashy mansion,  Rolls Royces and private 747. Willie comes from the “if you got it, flaunt it” school of self-promotion.  Willie and I have sooo much in common.  I just choose not to be quite as showy.

Now Willie may be one of the nation’s top litigators.  He may be brilliant.  He may be the brightest shining star in the constellation of lawyers.  But asking for $11,000 an hour is just plain piggish.  My apologies to all my pig readers for the slur.

So why does this bother me?  Because it feeds the belief that lawyers are over-compensated sluts, and that litigation is just an excuse for lawyers to find a way to stuff their pockets at the expense of the public.  As with megasuits, and shareholder derivative actions and class-action suits, where the individuals who suffer receive pennies while the lawyers receive millions, the impression is that the legal system is out of control and serves no one’s interest but the lawyers.  This sense, which is pervasive, harms all of us and diminshes our professionalism in the eyes of the public.  It becomes the fodder for those bashers who want to take the bizarre case and make it appear to be the norm.

My feelings are not limited to lawyers, or doctors, or even corporate executives who parachute out of their failures with a few hundred million to keep them warm at night.  Some may say that you can’t blame people for preferring more money over less, but I can’t help but wonder how many millions are really necessary to fill that empty hole in their self-esteem?  Once you can afford the insurance on your Bugatti Veyron, don’t you have enough?

So in the interest of public service, I make an offer.  I will gladly take up arms on the retrial in place of Willie and promise to do an exceptional job.  And I’ll only charge $10,500 per hour.  Think of the savings!