I used to be a regular guest on the Fox News weekend show, Fox and Friends. A car would come by on a weekend morning and take me to the studio, where I would hang in the green room and wait until it was my turn to go on air.  I guess I was the “friends”. 

They had those nice little danishes and bagels.  It was my favorite TV gig, because Fox was never stuffy and serious like other news programs, and I could pretty much say anything I wanted.  It was free-wheeling, no-holds-barred fun.  They gave me Fox t-shirts and a nice “fair and balanced” silk tie.  Sometimes I would bring my kids to watch so that I could spend some weekend quality time with them.

Needless to say, I was the voice of evil.  The criminal defense lawyer who was there to be shot down.  I would be asked to explain the ridiculous, as far as they were concerned, since my side was invariably wrong.  The hosts were good people, and we had some real conversations off camera, but when the lights went on, they did their job.  Rupert Murdoch didn’t suffer dissent.

Dissent was my role.  I was the loyal opposition, the person who would stand up only to be knocked down.  So why did I bother?  For one thing, it was fun.  No somber tones or furrowed brows.  When the lead-in was some goofy loaded question, the answer could just as easily begin, “It’s funny you ask that, because a third grader asked the same question yesterday.  Don’t worry, I’ll speak slowly just like I did then…”  Attack, parry, riposte.  No hard feelings afterward.  It was a war of wits, and there was nothing they could do to stop me on live TV, sitting right there in the studio with them.  I had as much access to the air as they did, and knew how to use it.

One day, Fox called me to tell me that they were changing the time slot.  I used to leave around 8:00 am to go to the studio.  Now they wanted me to go at 6:00 am. 

If this was my job, then I go when they tell me.  But it wasn’t my job.  I wasn’t being paid.  And 6:00 am is really early.  Who even watches that early?

The calls from Fox stopped.  I receive one or two more calls after that, but wasn’t able to make it.  Then nothing.

I still get calls from the straight news shows, but it’s not the same.  Very serious stuff, and 30 seconds to discuss serious cases without using words over 2 syllables.  Not to mention, no danish in the green room.

I miss Fox.  I hate to admit it, but I do.  I watched Fox News the other day when they had a piece about the Lynne Stewart / Hofstra controversy.  It was tepid and silly.  The anti-Stewart position was based upon what she and others were going to say to students in the future.  Since I lack the ability to see into the future, I can’t say for sure whether the prediction will be correct, but I feel fairly confident that the guest assumed far more than anyone who knew what they were talking about would.  It seemed that they really had to stretch to find this guest, when they should have been able to find someone with a little more knowledge about the subject.  But his politics was right on target for the show, even if his facts were a little fuzzy.

The Hofstra spokesperson seemed to be reading from a talking points memo, unconvincing and without addressing the real question.  She didn’t even challenge the apparent ability of the naysayer to see into the future.  Hello?  Neither side added to the collective debate, and it was 3 minutes of my life that I will never get back.

I didn’t mind that I played the role of defending the indefensible at Fox.  It’s a role that I play regularly, and a challenge to make points to an audience disinclined to appreciate any point of view other than their own.  Preaching to the choir is no fun.  Yeah, I miss Fox.  I miss having some fun with my friends.  And from what I could see, they could use a little fun with their friend too.  Just not so early.