Just in case you aren’t glued to your computer awaiting Above the Law’s latest post on Law Firm Bonus Watch, I’m here to help.
Now, before I give you the good stuff, there are a few things to bear in mind. First, what you will see is not the salary paid to little boy and girl lawyers, but just the bonus. This is on top of the salary, for those of you who have never heard the word “bonus” and “salary” in the same sentence.
Second, this is not the top of the line bonus. I decided against telling you about the really good bonuses, because it would just be cruel. No, this is a second stringer, a wannabe, bonuses for losers, so to speak. These are not the ones putting the order in on the Ferrari Enzo. Nope. These are the ones who have to suffer with a Lambo (which everybody knows is a car for people who are not Ferrari-worthy).
And third, the boys and girls who get these bonuses also tend to be the beneficiaries of various charities from their investment banker friends, because they are just nice people who receive sad and pathetic paychecks.
So you PDs, indigent defenders, right up through top of the line private retained guys, check out how the other half lives:
Now, before I give you the good stuff, there are a few things to bear in mind. First, what you will see is not the salary paid to little boy and girl lawyers, but just the bonus. This is on top of the salary, for those of you who have never heard the word “bonus” and “salary” in the same sentence.
Second, this is not the top of the line bonus. I decided against telling you about the really good bonuses, because it would just be cruel. No, this is a second stringer, a wannabe, bonuses for losers, so to speak. These are not the ones putting the order in on the Ferrari Enzo. Nope. These are the ones who have to suffer with a Lambo (which everybody knows is a car for people who are not Ferrari-worthy).
And third, the boys and girls who get these bonuses also tend to be the beneficiaries of various charities from their investment banker friends, because they are just nice people who receive sad and pathetic paychecks.
So you PDs, indigent defenders, right up through top of the line private retained guys, check out how the other half lives:
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Screw you. Why’d you have to do this? I’m going to go kill myself.
Then I guess you don’t want to hear about the everyday perks?
Actually, even though everyone from ’04 or earlier makes more in bonus than my annual PD salary (2000 admit), I don’t feel put upon. At the end of the day I’m happy with what I do. I have enough to pay the bills and little left over for computer parts and ammunition. Life is good.
Funny post…..wait, you mean that’s not a joke!
I’m sorry, Gideon is unavailable to respond. He has shot himself in the head. Thank you.