Ken Lammers, star of CLTV (and if rumors are true, may be in line for a seat on The View), has peaked under the skirt of Houston District Attorney Kelly Burke to find that over his 12 years in office, he’s been responsible for banishing 401 people. 

Banishment is back.  How long before drawing and quartering?  And our Supreme Court wastes its time with lethal injections when it could just go back to the variety of all-American punishments that our forefathers considered particularly effective.  Can you say Iron Maiden?

Putting my pointless snarkiness aside, banishment is really the perfect punishment.  No, really.  First, Burke is DA of Houston County, not the world.  His responsibility is to safeguard Houstonians (is that a word?), and by banishing miscreants for the county, he protects his constituents from future harm.  Sure, he shifts it a county or state away, but he wasn’t elected to protect them, now was he?

Better still, Burke accomplishes this basic function at no additional expense to the good people of Houston County.  It costs money to lock up these mutts.  A lot of money.  And then you need to feed them.  Every day.  It never ends.  It’s just money thrown into a big, black hole to keep these grinning criminals fat and happy.  And then there’s cable TV.  Where does it end?

It ends at the county line, that’s where it ends.  One ticket on the Greyhound and problem solved! 

But what about the other side?  Well, it’s not just a punishment, it’s an adventure.  If you’ve made a booboo in Houston, then you get to start over again elsewhere (where they don’t know you).  The relative palatability of a few years in the Texas Georgia (happy, Bennett?) can versus a fresh start in, say, Albuquerque is a no-brainer.  There are plenty of guys who could use a change of scenery, and would jump at the chance.

Banishment has a long tradition in the new world.  The Puritans loved it, to keep those darned Congregationalists from muddying up the gene pool.  It was good for lepers too.  For those in favor of originalism, there can’t be any complaints.

True, the only downside to banishment is that you’ve shift your problem to someone else, leaving the criminal to ply his trade on some unsuspecting Albuquerquian (is that a word?).  But hey, it’s no longer your problem, and isn’t criminal law all about what’s good for you?