Steve Gustitis  has admitted his criminal ways.  Well, not quite criminal, but at least a tad less than law-abiding.  How so?  He’s part of the bicycle menace, that gang of two-wheeled threats to life and limb in the name of their own pleasure.

Before I proceed to rip this menace to shreds in the name of public safety, let me affirmatively state that I have nothing against bicycles per se.  It’s the riders.  The ones who challenge the rest of us to do something about their disregard for anyone and anything that impedes their right to do whatever they please.  Bikes don’t kill, people do.

Now I happen to live on a long, winding, tree-lined two-lane road that leads to the Long Island Sound.  When the weather turns warmish, there suddenly appears these large groups of hermaphroditic spandex wearers on bicycles.  When I say large groups, I mean groups of 50 or more.  Like a swarm of killer bees, they take over the road.

These cyclists ride along the side of the road.  And in the middle of the lanes.  And in the middle of the road.  En masse.  They know that this is a road used regularly by cars, given that the cars driving behind the swarm flash their lights and honk their horns.  They don’t care.  They will ride down the middle of the road all they want, daring drivers to do something about it. 

When an opportunity comes to pass this swarm of bicycles, its not uncommon for the boldest among them, the ones who deliberately try to block the cars from getting by, the make a gesture at the drivers to show their disdain.  “Hah!  You may have passed us this time, but we will stop you next time,” they seem to say.

What is a driver to do?  Sure, they appear from the rear like bowling pins, easily enough knocked down to remind them that sharing the road involves a certain degree of cooperation from both sides.  But that would be wrong.  No matter how arrogant and selfish, it’s no excuse to cause harm to anyone.  But what drives these cyclists to challenge a car to do something?  What makes them decide to assert their ability to disrupt the flow of vehicles at their potential personal risk?

The flip side is that cars and their occupants are frequently put at risk as bicycles tear through stop signs (sound familiar, Steve?) and blow through intersections or pass turning vehicles with their blinkers engaged, because they prefer not to stop their energetic flows.  Drivers, in their effort not to take out a cyclist or two, are forced to swerve or stop abruptly, with other cars behind them that would have no reason to anticipate such an action. 

There’s something curious about that wave that says “I’m sorry” from the occasional bicyclist when they realize that their intransigence has almost cause a vehicular collision.  While they may feel bad about their knowing and deliberate refusal to obey the traffic laws that provide for the safety of others, it’s not as if they have any intention of changing their behavior the next time.  They will do the same thing again, and hope that next time they don’t have to apologize.

So I’m not particularly interested in all the health benefits of riding bicycles, or the enjoyment of this pastime by adults who think that their gut isn’t noticeable in spandex.  Your pleasure is not a good enough reason to put my children’s lives at risk, and you have neither right nor justification to ignore the laws that allow all of us to use the road.  The only thing surprising about any of this is that some cop actually handed out tickets to cyclists.  It’s about time.