Fox Newsis a fabulous way to learn what’s going on in the world, especially if you generally limit yourself to such dubious outlets as the New York Times or ABC, where they just spin everything.  I know this because Fox told me so.  This morning, Fox explained the economy.  Man, do I feel better.

The lead was that our President was sending us each a check somewhere between $300 and $600 that would end the risk of recession.  The only think we had to do was immediately run out to the nearest mall and spend the money, plus another thousand or so.  That’s all there was to it, and our economy would be booming again.  But the fellow who said this then added, in one of those ad lib asides that makes Fox so fab, that he couldn’t imagine what he could buy with $300.  What an elitist snob!

Some other fellow then shows up on the screen to let us know that there is a survey that says that people feeling fine about their economic situation, but are worried about their neighbors.  Now this is so America, putting your neighbors welfare ahead of your own.  The fellow then explains that if we stopped worrying about our neighbor, who’s doing just fine, thank you, and enjoyed our own personal economic renaissance, there wouldn’t be any problem at all.  But if there’s no problem to begin with, what problem is there to fix, I wondered.

No matter, because before I could answer my own rhetorical question, the woman anchor then chimed in, sarcastically, to say “so all those ‘for sale’ signs in front of every house in my neighborhood are signs of a healthy economy.”  What a downer, she was.  This is the type of defeatist attitude that makes a few signs bring down a nation.  As the fellow explained, this is a sign of a healthy economy, if the biased leftist media would just stop overhyping the real estate downturn to drive buyers out of the market.  They aren’t making any more real estate, you know.

The commentator then explained that Fed Chair Ben Bernanke was going to cut interest rates by a half point to “juice up” the economy.  I guess this is just in case the mall runs out of stuff to buy with that $300 check President Bush is sending.  While this will drive inflation through the roof, it won’t matter because President Bush is bringing back millions of barrels of oil from the mideast, where his good buddies in Saudi Arabia want to prop up the value of their real estate investments.

Now I may be just a simple country lawyer, but after watching Fox News, I now feel comfortable that I have a firm grasp of the complex problems facing our economy, and how I should guide my personal finances to benefit from it.  This is crucial, because I would have thought it wise to save my money, not incur debt and avoid squandering assets on shiny trinkets.  How wrong I would have been!  Thank heaven I have Fox News to straighten me out.