Blonde Justice was long a blog about a woman public defender’s world with a great following.  I don’t usually read it or post about it, because its emphasis was more on how its anonymous Blond protagonist feels, and feelings are a subject with which I am largely unfamiliar.

A while back, the anonymous Blond protagonist made the Big Change.  She went from public defender to private criminal defense lawyer.  I guess it seemed like the right thing to do at the time, a natural progression.  Now, it appears that she regrets her decision.

After a discussion about therapy and anti-depressants, she makes her point:

But, in this situation, I don’t really want to just be happier about where I am. I want to make a change. And I worry that taking an anti-depressant would placate me into staying in this job longer than necessary. And if I could carve out an hour a week to see a therapist, that hour might be better spent looking for a new job. Right now, I think finding a new job would do more for me than any amount of therapy or drugs.

Being unhappy (depressed?) about one’s circumstance may be a product of some organic problem.  Or, it may be a product of being unhappy about one’s circumstance.  Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Private criminal defense is not for everyone.  Heck, being a lawyer is not for everyone.  Some of the knee-jerk reactions are to dwell in the misery, blame depression as if it’s an end in itself, and discuss feelings ad naseum.  I can imagine the ensuing comments discussing the relative merits of drugs versus therapy to deal with depression.  My, how some people love to love depression.

But the anonymous Blond protagonist has chosen not to bask in self-pity, but rather to recognize that she’s found herself in a place that isn’t right for her, and that the solution to the problem is to move to another place.  No matter how many people, how many blogs, tell you about the glory and wonders of private practice; No matter how many friends and admirers discuss the millions of books about dealing with depression; it’s good to recognize that you don’t care for your situation and you would be happier with a change of scenery.

Since I don’t know the anonymous Blond protagonist at all, I couldn’t possibly say whether she’s nailed her own dilemma or not.  But I’m inclined to believe that she knows herself better than those who project their vision of depression onto her.  It’s always interesting to see how people want to “help” by trying to impose their lifestyle onto someone else.

I just wanted to let her know that there’s nothing wrong or unusual about finding that this isn’t the life you want for yourself. Forget the drugs and therapy to mask reality, and just change it.   It takes guts to recognize that a mistake has been made, but if you believe that your unhappiness stems from a decision to enter private practice, then change it and get back to the place where you want to be.