Prefatory Note: My son is eleven. He is awesome in ways that would fill up this post describing. He’s also the reason I carry a notebook around as he’s prone to spouting off some very…interesting…statements. Enjoy a few—CLS

ON STAR WARS
“I feel like if Darth Vader held up a sign that said ‘Come to the Dark Side: We Have Free Cake and Pie,’ it would get him more attention than him talking about it all the time.”

ON BRUSHING TEETH
Excitedly “Daddy, look! I’m cleaning my skeleton!”

ON BATHROOM CONVENIENCES
“I’m really glad we have bathroom doors, Daddy. My friend (redacted) doesn’t have a bathroom door in his room and it’s weird.”

ON LIFE’S COMMONALITIES
“My teacher said the only sure things in life are death and taxes. It should be death, taxes, and pirates, because I like pirates.”

ON COLLEGIATE SPORTS
“I don’t understand how people can like Alabama and Georgia. They win all the time and losing builds character.”

ON THE NFL
“How can you not like the New England Patriots if you’re American, Daddy? That’s literally the most American football team! They’re patriotic!”

ON IDEAL PETS
“When I get money I’m buying a monkey. I’m going to put it in a suit of armor and teach it to sword fight. Then every day when I get home we’ll have surprise lightsaber battles. Either that or a hyena would be nice because they’d laugh at all my jokes.”

ON FAIRNESS IN CAR STEREO SELECTIONS
“Why do you always get to pick what we listen to in the car on the way to school? I would personally prefer a nice sea shanty.”

ON PERSEVERANCE
“If I ignore the dishes for long enough, then Dad will just do them because he can’t stand it when the sink is full of dirty dishes. This is also a great strategy for folding my socks.”

ON CHORES
“First thing in the morning, I have to annoy my sister and feed the dog.”

See y’all next time!