Don’t Twitter Me

My knowledge of cutting-edge technology is somewhat limited.  Generally, I have to ask  Bennett or  Gideon in order to find out what some of the new stuff is or does.  They try to tell me, but I usually don’t quite get it. 

I never had a myspace page, though I strongly urge any witness who I will cross-examine to get one immediately and puts lots of good stuff on it.  I joined Facebook because I kept getting invitations, but I have no idea why and have never bothered to look at my page.  I never had a beeper, and won’t get a blackberry.  The concept of being accessible 24/7 disturbs me.  I’m always there when my clients need me, but I’m not at their beck and call.

And now there’s Twitter.  It’s a horrible name, but it probably plays better with younger folks (the type of people who rarely use the word “folks”).  I heard of Twitter, but didn’t have the slightest clue what it was.  Kevin O’Keefe has cleared this up for me.  I feel so on top of technology today.

Kevin has posted a video at  Real Lawyers Have Blogs that explained Twitter.  The video explains it in plain English, apparently anticipating that eventually people like me would want to know what it was and that we were just too dumb to figure it out on our own.  That’s true, of course.

So for any other dinosaurs, this is Twitter in plain English:

Why?  Why would anybody want to do this?

We already have far more information available about us than anybody really wants to know (except if I have to cross-examine you, in which case you should just keep on putting more stuff on Facebook). 

Do you really want to know what book I’m reading, in real time?  What about my thoughts on the Giant’s chances of making it to the playoffs?  Or how many cups of coffee I drink every morning.  As I said to Kevin, we already have too much information.  This is just way too much.

Seriously, who has the time for this?  Who cares?  If you want to know what’s going on in the life of the people you care about, speak to them.  Can’t you see the kid with the crackberry flipping back and forth between Facebook and twitter and blogs and email, all while you’re sitting there trying to have a conversation.  He’s living online and ignoring the real person in front of him.  This is progress?

I’m already appalled by the image I have of people furiously posting comments on this blawg, trying to “win” arguments and prove their brilliance, as if this cyberworld was real.  Some comments seem the digital equivalent of trying to reach through the computer and strangle someone.  It’s ridiculous.  Use your heads, people.  This is a conversation, but snarling and cursing isn’t going to beat up your nemesis.  It’s only a friggin’ computer, for God’s sake.

I have a plan for a new concept.  It’s called “Chat”.  It involves one person physically meeting another person and then saying words, whereupon the other person says words in response.  They go back and forth, back and forth.  They learn things about the other person and tell things about themselves.  Sometimes, they drink a beverage or eat food while they do this.  Afterward, they shake hands, give a hug or maybe even a peck on the cheek, and go their separate ways. 

Or maybe the chat won’t go so well and one person will smack the other across the kisser.  But at least it will be real.  I better patent this quick, before someone steals it.

14 thoughts on “Don’t Twitter Me

  1. Gideon

    It’s okay. Nothing sensational. Seems a lot like chatting on iRC, except there are no rooms, just one global chatroom and lots of private messages.

  2. Jamie

    You lost me with the ‘new concept chat’ business.

    #1) It doesn’t seem to involve a computer or telephone – am I missing something?

    #2) I guess I could shake your hand if we were sitting across from each other on the subway texting or emailing back and forth from our wireless laptops, but why?

    Also, 99.999999999% of the time you are not in the same place as me. I’m going to waste a lot of gas driving all over kingdom come just to ensure I’m in the same room with someone to talk to them?

    ‘Chat’ does not sound very environmentally friendly.

  3. Kevin OKeefe

    Can’t argue with anything you’re saying Scott. To the extent some folks like beer and others don’t that’s okay. Some folks will play with Twitter to see what comes of it and some won’t.

  4. Windypundit

    Mark just woke up.

    Mark got dressed.

    Mark is setting up his new 40″ flat screen TV.

    Mark is watching music videos on his new 40″ flat screen TV.

    Mark is going for a drive.

    Mark just had the oil changed in his car.

    Mark just bought groceries.

    Mark is parking the car at home.

    Mark is putting away groceries.

    Mark just noticed someone stole his 40″ flat-screen TV.

    Mark wonders how the thieves knew he had a new TV.

    Mark wonders how the thieves knew the house was empty.

  5. SHG

    Scott’s client pays him with 40″ flat-screen TV

    Scott thinks, “Twitter’s not that bad after all.”

  6. ken

    Twitter is extremely popular with techies. It’s one of at least 3 similar services (Jaiku, Pownce, Twitter). The name brings to mind an extremely popular tech podcast, “TWIT” (This Week In Tech). Twitter’s owners will probably deny that as a reason for the name, but it surely has not hurt.

    I’ve seen 3 uses I’ve seen for Twitter. First, it’s a way to do messages in class: example”>”>example Sarah Lacy interview at SXSW. Another is to get your local friends together at the bar. The 3d is to keep up with friends who are far away. I’m on it and post every couple days, but if you don’t know me why would you follow me?

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