Once again, I’m forced to don my chapeau of appropriate attire for the consummate professional in order Ad-dress the horrible advice extended by the Wall Street Journal.  Clearly, they should leave such matters to people like me, on the cutting edge of professional fashion, before they do harm.  I mean, seriously, have you ever seen the way Rupert Murdoch dresses? 

The WSJ has decided to wage war on cleavage.  Not only is this clearly unAmerican, but its blatant sexism belies the Journal’s intention of keeping women in their place,  I prefer to watch their back.  It’s just the kind of guy I am.  No need to thank me.

“There’s no greater crime” for a businesswoman, Ms. Graham adds, with just a smidgen of hyperbole, “than to show cleavage.”

Oh really?  Like it hasn’t done well for Fergie, right? 

Women face mixed messages about what they should wear to evening events. Ubiquitous photos of décolletage-revealing celebrities and models photographed on red carpets and runways do their part to encourage faux pas. The super-short skirt lengths, low necklines and body-hugging silhouettes marketed in stores these days often conjure up the image of a trophy wife rather than an executive. Eveningwear is practically synonymous with sexy.

Perhaps the Journal would prefer that women bind themselves in fine Victorian splendor?

The fact that some men, pigs all, may take the “wrong message” from evening attire of the professional woman is a comment on the nature of boorish men, not the women.  Certainly there are limits, as good taste would dictate to any person dressing for an evening affair, but to put women in a straight jacket simply because some men can’t get their mind out of the gutter is counterproductive. 

Gail Graham, executive vice president of marketing for Fidelity Investments, watched a respected co-worker alter her colleagues’ impressions of her at a recent business dinner. She “showed up in a dress that was practically backless and showed cleavage,” says Ms. Graham, who later heard male colleagues talking about the woman — days after the event. “It became the story about her. You want the story to be about you and your accomplishments.”

If ever a comment had a catty odor, this is it.  Perhaps Ms. Graham was left to feel a bit dowdy that evening, and the lack of water-cooler discussion of her attire left her feeling more than a bit left out?  So now, the “respected colleague” was considered both highly competent and attractive?  Oh my, who would ever want that to happen?

“If my attorney bills out at $1,000 an hour, I want them to look like a lawyer, not a celebrity,” says Jonathan Fitzgarrald, director of marketing for Greenberg Glusker, a Los Angeles law firm.

Fortunately for Mr. Fitzgarrald, no one at his firm can command that rate, male or female.  But details aside, does he not distinguish between office attire and evening wear?  Would he expect them to wear sensible shoes with that evening gown too?  This is why men lacking the fine fashion sense with which I’ve bee endowed should keep their mouths shut and just stand back and admire.

What strikes me most about this décolletage disaster is how men are excused for their neanderthal impulse while women are castigated for being, well, endowed.

Our brains are hard-wired. The cortex in the back of our brains, Dr. Brizendine says, scans the environment looking for fertile mates. Complicating relations between the sexes, the part of the brain known as the “area for sexual pursuit” is two times larger in men than in women.

Doctor?  I find that hard to believe, unless he missed that day in anatomy class when it was explained that the particular area to which he refers is not in the brain, but somewhat lower.

Exposed skin speaks louder than annual revenue growth, even to a CEO. “What if the men in your office changed for dinner and came bare-chested?” asks Dr. Brizendine.

Then they would be the subject of ridicule because of their exceptionally poor fashion judgment.  It is hardly a nipple to nipple comparison, and would have a decidedly negative impact on other guests’ ability to digest their dinner.

“They’re thinking it’s an empowering thing that they can be sexy and professional,” he says, “but guys don’t see it that way. If she’s dressed sexy, that’s all they see.”

Absolutely untrue.  False.  A lie.  A vicious lie.  And who cares what guys think anyway.  If some man can’t handle a little show of cleavage and a bit of bare back, it exposes him as a neanderthal and potential ascot wearer.  For the record, if nobody has noticed that you’re a woman prior to a formal evening event, then the depth of cleavage isn’t going to matter.  And if they have, then it’s too late. 

So don’t let the claim that some men may see you as a “sex object” rather than the competent professional you are affect your choices.  And stay far away from any man who shows up bare-chested.  He’s a nut.