While I’m reasonably certain that this happens to everyone, not just lawyers, my familiarity with my own kind and enlightened self-interest compels me to make this point with lawyers in mind. In my office, whoever is closest to a ringing telephone at any given moment picks it up. Often, that’s me.
So when a call came in from a company called Cyberlink Technologies, I had little expectation that it was going to be of great interest to me. Nonetheless, I answered the phone.
Caller: Attorney Greenfield?
Now I realize that in some parts of the country, lawyers like to be addressed as “Attorney” so and so. Not in New York. Not me. When someone asks for “Attorney Greenfield,” no good can come of it.
Me: Who is this?
Caller: This is Timmy (I don’t recall the name he gave me, so I made this up). Is this Attorney Greenfield?
Me; What is this in reference to?
Caller: Scott, is that you?
Scott? Now we’re best friends? And no, I didn’t forget that Timmy has yet to tell me why he’s calling.
Me: What is this in reference to?
Ironically, Cyberlink Technologies is a website developer and SEO optimizer. Whatever made them target me, of all people, I can’t explain. I am definitely not a likely candidate for their services.
Caller: I want to give Attorney Greenfield a referral list of lawyers who. . .
The rest of what the caller said doesn’t matter. At this point, it’s painfully clear that this telephone call is not something that I’m interested in pursuing, and so I interrupt and say, “I’m not interested. Good bye.” Up to this point, there’s absolutely nothing unusual about this exchange, and no doubt every reader who’s made it this far will say to himself, “big deal, this happens every day.” Quite true, but what happened next doesn’t.
After hanging up the telephone, another call came in within seconds, this time from an anonymous telephone number. Having already been disrupted from my work, I let it go to voicemail. When I later checked the message, this is
Hahahaaha!!!! That was me, crank calling you!
(Just kidding)
Don’t think that didn’t cross my mind!
“Cyberlink Technologies” is a stupid name. Their abbreviation — CLT — is it pronounced “clit”?
You have to wonder whether this kind of cluelessness is attributable to his age. He sounded pretty young. Regardless, it’s definitely worth spreading “the good news” about Cyberlink Technologies’ dysfunctional telemarketing techniques. It’s ironic that the only turkey up your butt appears to be “Timmy.”
Scott…. enjoyed that.
Ten years ago, when I was living in an apartment in West London, I was called at about 9.00 pm.
The caller, polite, enquired after my health – which was particularly good as I was well into a bottle of red. He then explained that his firm had done a great of research in my area and had concluded that I may be interested in having a conservatory.
I found this fascinating – given that my apartment was on the third floor of the mansion block apartment building. The caller, had, however, done a ‘great deal of research’. It seemed only polite to let him continue.
There was not a great deal on TV so I became quite interested in the style of conservatory, the flooring I could have, the window blinds. When the salesman had concluded his pitch, he asked me if I would be interested in having a free quotation and a drawing made up.
“No problem… but you will have to bring some very long ladders… my apartment is on the third floor… but, I assume, given your research, you have factored in how to build a conservatory 40 ft up in the air.”
The caller started laughing, apologised profusely and said he felt a bit foolish. I thanked him for his time and told him that I had enjoyed the call.
Quite often… I’m afraid, I am pretty abrupt with callers – especially from call centres outside the UK – but on this occasion…. the circamstances were unusual… to say the least.
Not only have Cyberlink Technologies gone into the “permanent idiots” bin with this piece of work, but they’ve cemented the image I have of SEO marketeers. I’ve had a few calls from these guys who are just convinced that they can get more eyeballs to my website, and why wouldn’t I want that. Ugh.
One missing element. Let me play defense lawyer for a moment…
Was Timmy’s voice on the phone the same voice that came in on voicemail?
Sometimes, if I happen to be doing nothing worthwhile at the time, I like to keep telemarketers on the phone for as long as I can. Start asking them questions, keep it going, act really interested.
If we all did this to three telemarketers a year, telemarketing would no longer be profitable (wild guess) and it would, therefore, end.
Simpler, and (IMHO, YMMV, IANAL, SPQR) better:
This was too funny not to include the video here. For anyone, watch it to the end. It’s worth it. Thanks, J-dog.
Yes. Yes it was.
Judge: Any further questions, counsellor?
Turk: Uh, nothing further, your Honor.
Loved the sound bite and the video in the comments! Thanks for the laugh!
Isn’t Cyberlink Technologies the one that’s going to be responsible for Skynet nuking us all and the robots taking over the earth? I thought they couldn’t get any worse. But now they are telemarketing? That’s crossing the line, man.
Hey, Simple Justice exists to brighten faces everywhere! Thanks Niki (and Joel for the video).
I thought they were a wholly-owned subsidiary of Massive Dynamics.
I was thinking Yoyodyne, m’self.
Laugha while you can, monkey boy!
Your blog has Google PageRank 5. The homepage for your practice has PR 4. Cyberlink Technologies is at PR 3. Thus, we are probably only one GoogleBot visit away from this blog post out-ranking the main Cyberlink Technologies website. And so another SEO company proves its self-worth.
It sounds good. I wish I actually understood what you were talking about, but it really sounds good.
By the way, I’ve been meaning to blog about a related issue: service companies scouring the recently filed complaints in federal court, cherry-picking the ones that sound like they may be ripe for their services (document management and imaging, investigations, whatever), then phoning the attorneys on the case directly, often in a manner that conceals the fact that this is a sales call: “Joe Smith of Security Network called regarding the Jones case.” I hate that and would never do business with a company that does it.
Let no opportunity pass by those who will do anything for a buck. That’s incredibly scummy. And probably fairly effective.
Well, they could get around that by just using the acronym, CT.
Ken, there is something even more sinister than that going on, apparently.
Over at the greatest american lawyer blog on 11/21 he has a post where a prominent law firm partner did the same thing.
I’d link but I’m afraid to link even though it’s not my blog!
Oh sheesh. Go ahead,link to it.
I agree: sheesh. It’s like, I dunno, somebody or other might think you were, from time to time, prickly or something.
Heheh. The funniest one was the guy who commented that I blog to “educate the public.” He must be smoking something.
If you ever discover a way to prosecute telemarketers as trespassers, I’d like to know about it, too. In the meantime I can only suggest donotcall.gov.
Interesting. Not that you would refer to the obvious though unhelpful government URL, but that when you have a problem, suddenly your enemy the government is the first place you turn for aid and comfort. Is a Libertarian a Republican who gets unsolicited cold calls?
Looks like my 5pm Thanksgiving joke fell flat!
It was this post though http://tinyurl.com/69w8rl
The libertarian solution would be to switch to (or start) an alternative phone network that is not a “common carrier” so it can kick the marketers off (or restrict their more offensive behavior at least).
But as I understand present law, no such alternative network is allowed to be created. If you did, the FCC would force you to interconnect with the rest, thus allowing all the spam to reach your customers anyway.
I suspect that this will only change when some new tech (cheap satellite phones, maybe?) enables an end-run around the law.
I can’t recall any telemarketer calling me on my Vonage line. This libertarian’s solution is not to call for an increase in taxes so that more people engaged in annoying but nonaggressive commerce can be prosecuted, but rather to hang up.