10.  Enough towels for every registered guest.

9.  The ability to control room temperature.

8.  Room in the refrigerator for a bottle of water.

7.  Free parking.

6.  A clean bathroom.  I mean, really clean, not just kinda clean.

5.  Soap that is not scientifically altered to smell like a fruit.

4.  Shampoo that is not intended for dry and unmanageable hair.

3.  WiFi

2.  Free WiFi

1.  Coffee, anytime, anywhere.

This is premised on the Motel 6 theory, that being that if Motel 6 can do it for $49.95, the friggin Hyatt Regency Century Plaza can do it for $479.95.  I’m shocked they don’t charge a nickel for every piece of toilet paper, given how they nickel and dime everything else in this joint.  And then still screw it all up.  My personal favorite is the ball of someone else’s used dental floss in the corner of the bathroom under the sink.  Gag me.

The correct answer to “is there anything else I can do for you, Sir,” is “you would have to do a first thing for me before you can do ‘anything else’.”