As most of you know, I am considered one of the foremost authorities on Twitter, primarily because being an authority on Twitter has such a low threshold.  Still, I can tell you that it’s growth has been explosive, with 33% last month over 25% the month before, in apparent direct inverse proportion to my retirement portfolio.  Consequently, I feel compelled to stay on top of this phenomenon and, when news of import occurs, relate it to you.  I have news.

It all started when I happened upon a disagreement between @grantgriffiths and some lawyers over whether lawyers should twit for/with clients.  Grant argued that we should encourage potential clients to follow us on twitter, and that when we twit, we are de facto twitting to potential clients since everyone within out jurisdiction (at least) is a potential client.  This shook up the lawyers, who recognized that this changes the entire nature of twitting; No longer can they twit with abandon, but now they must exercise self-restraint and twit with the idea that a client, or potential client, will be parsing their twits.

In the past, the primary constraint of twitter was its limitation of 140 characters, meaning that twitterers were constrained to express themselves in short bursts, some even opting to use those abbreviations that make teenagers feel unique and kewl, despite the fact that it makes a balding, middle-aged, overweight man appear foolish.  But at least the worst that could come from a moment of levity was the loss of another dozen followers with good taste and discretion.  And they certainly weren’t going to retain you anyway.

But given these huge growth numbers, the days of twitting with abandon are gone.  This twittersphere is no longer the insular community of lawyers and legal marketers is was a month ago.  I see it personally, given the number of young women searching for love and companionship who have started following me, most of whom I anticipate will soon have need of a criminal defense lawyer.  My twits are an open book, the windows to my soul if you will.  Anyone can look inside and see the real me.

Of course, the downside of Grant Griffiths’ observation is that much of the tom-foolery and camaraderie that was fostered by the sense of quasi-public isolation will be lost to the formality and pretentious airs lawyers adopt when wearing the official lawyer business hat.  “Why yes, @underwearlawman, I concur that given the aforesaid circumstances, it would be res judicata” will replace “true dat, bro.”   Being lawyerly not only implicates a certain stuffiness, but takes a lot more characters, thus defeating the test of reducing all thoughts to the limits of the medium.

But I wondered, if Grant’s theory is true, then how far has this really gone?  How bad is it.  Is it worse than we realize?  My research began with my contacting the Altacaccas down in God’s Waiting Room, where I was given an audience with the head Yenta.  “I would like to speak to you about twitter,” I began, when she cut me off with a curt, “aaaahhhhhhh.”  “What? What?”  I was shocked by what came next.

“I twitted at that Rich Sanchez on CNN,” she began, “and he never even twitted back at me. He’s an idiot. He doesn’t know anything.  If his mother knew how he behaved, she would give him such a smack…”

“You twit?”  I couldn’t believe my ears.  My expectation was that she might possibly have heard of twitter, but the idea that she would actually engage in twitting was far beyond my wildest imagination.  “Of course I twit,” she responded.  “What? Am I old or something?”  Don’t go there, I thought to myself.  I feigned an incoming call from a proctologist and excused myself.

Not only are your clients on twitter, but so is your grandmother.  So before your fingers begin to sing with abandon, consider whether it’s something you  want your grandmother to read.  She’s already miffed with Rick Sanchez, and once she learns of your twitter name, there’s no telling what she will do.  Bear in mind, it’s not like she has a lot to do all day long. 

As for me, I am seriously considering using only Latin to twit in the future, making me appear far more lawyerly than ever before.  Cogito, ergo twit.  Grandma only speaks Yiddish.