Monthly Archives: August 2009

The Loudest Scream

I don’t know enough about the President’s health care plan to know whether I would support it.  My first problem is that it hasn’t been sufficiently published for all to see, to read, to digest, to comprehend.  Transparency isn’t what it used to be.  Amidst the debate (?), much of the negative position falls flat as it ignores that existing health care is a nightmare, outrageously expensive and still leaving millions uncovered.

Going into the debate, there was consensus that what we have isn’t good and we need something else.  The issue is what the “something else” should look like.  The absurd television commercials appear to argue that the new plan will destroy democracy, and that we should stick with the wonders of what we’re already doing.  That would be the system that gave rise to the need for change.  I bet the folks who devise these ads are awfully thankful that most people aren’t adept at two-step thinking.

Yet, the latest approach to the health care plan, attack-dog disruption of town hall meetings of legislators to explain the plan and answer questions, may be the worst of all possible worlds.  According to the New York Times, the disruption is the product of Republican neo-con organized attack by people who claim to be non-partisan, but are shown to be lying Republican party shills.  Fox News, on the other hand, calls the disruptions “protests” that arose organically by disaffected Americans.  Sarah Palin calls the plan “downright evil,” because it will “deny care to the neediest Americans.”  The hooligans are, of course, deeply concerned for the neediest Americans.

Like most, the cost of health insurance troubles me.  Unlike most, reimbursement rates are also a concern.  And all this crap about denying “cutting edge” medical care upon demand to the “neediest American’s” is just a scam.  The screamers couldn’t care less about needy anyone other than themselves.  Anyone claiming otherwise is simply a liar.

Those who are busily screaming at their elected representatives claim that it’s they are merely exercising their First Amendment right to express their opinion about the health care plan.  On the one hand, that’s true.  They have a right to scream at their elected representatives.  As much as one may wish they would choose not to exercise their right in this fashion, rights are rights.  And while everyone is not entitled to an opinion, they are entitled to rights.  There is no test of knowledge to possess rights; that only applies to opinions.  Perhaps this is a glorious demonstration of the Constitution at work.

Unfortunately, it also serves to prevent the dissemination of information.  From the “best practices” perspective, first learn the information, then scream bloody murder.  The other way around just doesn’t do much to convince anyone else of the fact that your screams count for much.  It does serve to remind that sheep will scream on cue, or that the disaffected will take up arms on subjects about which they know nothing or wally in misinformation.

The Obama administration has done little to make its case substantively, by providing more than vague rhetorical assurances that this is a viable plan.  When a major shift in public policy, not to mention expense, is being proposed, it’s only fair that it be subject to serious scrutiny from all angles.  As for me, hard information will go a lot farther than fuzzy speechifying.  Only the USA Patriot Act was so critically important as to be worthy of blind passage. 

Yet, the void is being filled by the quasi-organized hooligans who fill  the seats and obey the command to scream and disrupt.  This boomerang tactic may do more to awaken those who remember why we’re talking about health care in the first place, and boil the blood of those who may support the plan, or may not, based upon what it really means and really does.  The screamers are stopping the rest from gathering the information necessary to decide. 

Americans may not demand total accuracy from their politicians, but they surely don’t like it when a bunch of demagoguing jerks prevent them from learning anything.  The screamers may awaken the sleeping giant in the middle of the political spectrum to two things.  First, that they can’t stomach the forces in opposition who are responsible for denying the rest of us information upon which to form an opinion.  Second, that the Republicans, who were soundly rejected in the last election as the party lacking any clue how to make life in America any better, remain clueless.  This attack demonstrates an affinity for the negative with no positive ideas to offer.  If it weren’t for bad ideas, they would have no ideas at all.

Left to its own devices, the Obama administration may well have fallen short on the health care plan, with the Blue Dogs troubled and the middle American scratching his head in confusion.  The screamers have made their headlines, but haven’t persuaded anyone not already inclined to join them.  What would be a shame is if this plan passed not because it was worthy, but because of the reaction to this incredibly stupid and unproductive tactic.  The screamers will have lost, but that doesn’t mean that America will have won.

The Saddest Person in the Twittersphere

Twitter got hacked and went down.  A year ago, who would have cared?  Who would have noticed?  Not me.  But I did notice yesterday.  It changed my world.  I had an extra 15 minutes in my day, which I put to good use.

But something else happened yesterday to make me think of twitter.  I was followed by Rex7.



Hi, Scott Greenfield.


Rex7 (Rex7) is now following your tweets on Twitter.


A little information about Rex7:







http://twitter.com/Rex7?utm_campaign=twitter20080331162631&utm_medium=email&utm_source=follow 63837 followers
2779 tweets
following 61785 people

For those of you who don’t know, Rex7 is a 2009 law school graduate named Rex Gradeless who has accumulated the largest number of followers of anyone in the legal arena, assuming ones take a broad view of who is in the legal arena.  Like getting into the Guiness Book of World Records for accomplishing a feat that few others have chosen to try, Rex7 has staked his claim on twitter.

But his success at accumulating followers is demonstrable evidence of it’s relative utility.  Rex needs a job.  Nothing wrong with that, particularly given the current situation for law school graduates.  But he has almost 64,000 followers on twitter.  Still, he’s jobless, per his twitter bio.  Contrary to popular belief, no one gets paid for the number of followers they have on twitter.

Rex isn’t the only young man hoping that twitter will aid in his success.  There are others, Adrian Dayton for one, who believe that their future can be found on twitter.  Adrian is a twitter consultant, available to teach lawyers and firms how to achieve financial success through twitting.  He believes that it’s true, and that he can help.

To Rex and Adrian, twitter is their vehicle to recognition.  When twitter went down, so too did their vehicle. 

But if Rex can’t manage to find a job with his almost 68,000 followers, then one has to wonder whether those who promote twitter as a vehicle of success are just blowing smoke. 

I’ve come to like twitter for certain purposes.  But I remain doubtful that it will serve the purpose of enhancing my practice.  Others will explain to me using the vagaries preferred by marketing folks about how it builds relationships and networks and communities, will find you love and help you to lose those excess pounds.  I haven’t seen it.  I had more followers on twitter than I should, but many of them are part of the coterie of twitterers who are selling to lawyers or just following others in the hope of a return follow.  They want to be like Rex7.  They are keeping score.

This morning, Rex7 stopped following me.  Perhaps it was because I didn’t follow him back.  Perhaps it was because my twits are boring.  Perhaps it was because I don’t have a job for him. 

I wish Rex, who was an occasional commenter here, the best of luck in finding a fine job as a lawyer.  It will likely interfere with his ability to accumulate followers on twitter, but it will provide him with a paycheck, a sense of real accomplishment and a taste of what the profession is all about.  What it is not about is twitting, accumulating followers or finding your purpose in life crushed when twitter crashes.  That would make you the saddest person in the twittersphere.

Symbolism, Substance and the Future

Sonia Sotomayor was confirmed, to no one’s surprise.  The newspapers report that Hispanics are proud to have a justice on the Supreme Court who shares their heritage.  That’s great, showing that the United States is no longer foreclosing the possibility that a Latina can be a justice, any more than a black man can be President.

Now that the nation has overcome another hurdle on the road to inclusiveness, however, it’s time to live with the consequences of the choice.  The same Hispanics who applaud now-Justice Sotomayor’s elevation to the big bench may well find themselves stopped and searched on the streets of Washington Heights for no better reason than the cops can, and do, routinely stop Hispanics just to check them out.

Will a wise Latina, whose legal career was largely attuned to the needs of police to enforce Order, care about her fans? 

It’s possible that she will remember who she is, and that but for her ADA shield, or judicial license plates, she might be the one stopped for fun.  Colin Powell remembers that he was treated like a black man rather than a General.  Perhaps Sonia Sotomayor has had a similar experience.  Perhaps Sonia Sotomayor, realizing that she is now in a position to give effect to the promise of the Constitution, will chose to extol the rule rather than the exceptions.  It’s not like she can be unconfirmed.

Some of us are suspicious of this choice for justice.  If a Democratic President, with a Democratic Senate, can’t find the will or desire to nominate someone who brings a strong passion for constitutional rights and personal freedom, and instead manifests a career of putting order ahead of law, then there isn’t much hope.  But it’s possible that Judge Sotomayor’s support of law enforcement over defendants during her career on the lower benches will change now that she is part of a small cabal charged with formulating the rules rather than merely following them.  The power that comes of being one of 9 could change everything.  It has before.  And it hasn’t before.

Whether Sonia Sotomayor will be a justice who will be remembered for anything more than being Latina has yet to be seen.  In her first year, she will have an opportunity to vote, and write, about issues that matter enormously to this nation.  It may take longer, perhaps even a few years, before she feels sufficiently comfortable to take a firm stance.  For the sake of the nation and the Constitution, I hope that her stance will be for the Rule of Law over the expediency of Order.  We shall see.

The Real You: Cash Machine

Some years ago, an ADA who was on his way out of the office asked me how criminal defense lawyers got their clients.  I didn’t like this kid, as he was a nasty cretin as an assistant, so I patiently explained that the quickest way to get clients was to stand by the hot dog seller outside the courthouse, looking very professional, and the family of newly arrested defendants in search of a lawyer would come up to him, inquire if he was a lawyer, and retain him on the spot.  I got the idea from another former ADA who asked me if it was ethical to pay the hot dog vendor for referrals.

About a year later, I ran into the former assistant in the hallway, and he thanked me for my help.  As it turned out, he made a cottage industry out of taking whatever a defendant’s family had in their pockets and doing arraignments.  He made up on volume what he lost on quality.  The same could be said for his clientèle.

The new school approach uses different tactics, but the same strategy.  Brian Tannebaum provides 10 Rules for getting Rich Quick as a lawyer at his My Law License blog.  Brian actually offers 11 rules, but I think he’s off on Rule 8, so I’ve chosen to ignore it.

The gravamen of Brian’s rules are simple:  Enjoy the benefits of the internet to carefully craft an online persona that conceals who you really are and gives the world a deliberately false impression, playing upon ignorance and ambiguity to skirt ethics and competence while sucking in the desperate.  It’s foolproof.  It’s available.  It is, indeed, a viable way to turn yourself into a cash machine overnight, even though you may not quite deserve it.

But there are two questions you need to ask yourself before indulging in Brian’s 10 steps.  Is this who you are?  Is this who you want to be?

Once you have established yourself as a money-grubbing, incompetent slut, that’s who you will be for the balance of your career.  Your reputation exists amongst judges, court personnel, and most importantly, other lawyers.  You will be what you’ve chosen to be, and it’s a reputation that’s almost impossible to change.  Granted, you won’t be the only one, and you may well have plenty of company in your effort to pick off the low-hanging fruit for the quick buck, but you will never be recognized as a good lawyer, and certainly never a great lawyer.

There is money to be made as a quick-buck artist.  Spin through enough arraignments, enough guilty pleas, and even with fees well below market you can accumulate quite a bit.  You will even have clients who think you’ve done a fine job, pleading them out to crimes they didn’t commit or when their rights were violated or when they have a great defense.  Clients are funny; their perception of competence is proportional to their happiness with the outcome.  If you can convince them that the outcome is good, even if it’s not, they will be happy.  They just don’t know any better.

Lord knows there are certainly plenty of people around the internet who are chomping at the bit to help you down the path to making a quick buck.  For the most part, these are failed lawyers who, like you, pretend to be something they’re not and are playing you for a fool just like you will play your clients for fools.  You will probably get along great with these charlatans.  You have so much in common.

Some of Brian’s rules are more important than others.  For example, Rules 3 and 4 are critical:


[3] If you are a young lawyer (less than 10 years out) do not say, on your website or brochure, when you graduated from either college or law school. Leave no evidence of how long you’ve been practicing.

[4] Find a creative writer that can make you appear more experienced than you are without crossing ethical lines. Use words and phrases like “aggressive,” “experienced,” “fight for you,” and “in your corner.”

Nobody is going to retain you if they know that you’ve got no experience and plan to cop a plea at the first opportunity.  So never put your resume online, or reveal that you’ve got all of 12 minutes experience as a lawyer.  And since no one can challenge the ethics of excessive adjectives, you can claim pretty much anything you want about yourself as long as its subjective.  Who’s to know?

Another critical Rule is number 7:


[7] You will get busy very quickly. Do not worry. Find young, unemployed and less experienced lawyers to do the work. Your clients are paying little money so it really doesn’t matter who does the work.
This is where one distinguishes between the practice of law and the business of law.  When you’re going low fee/high volume, as you must to make a quick buck, there’s no time to practice law, and you certainly can’t be in ten places at the same time.  This is where you use others who are just as inexperienced but less entrepreneurial to fill the gaps.  Lawyers are a dime a dozen, and you gather up a handful who have nothing better to do, send them out with a list and have them cop pleas for you.  These lawyers are called “profit centers,” and will become a valuable asset.  If they start to balk, or ask for more money, toss them aside and get some new ones.  There will always be plenty to chose from.

An even better alternative is to not use lawyers at all, but paralegals to appear in court.  Sure, it’s not quite ethical, but few judges care as long as they move dockets along.  It takes about 10 minutes to teach them the plea mantra, and you’ve got as skilled a person standing next to the defendant as you need.  And you can pay them even less than a lawyer, making them an even bigger profit center.

Many lawyers starting out complain about their outstanding loans from law school, the need to make the payments on the obligatory BMW, the desire to going out drinking nightly with your employed buddies.  I understand.  You need money.  Going to law school didn’t pan out quite the way mom thought it would, or perhaps you never really wanted to be a lawyer at all and are now really pissed at the notion that you’ve suffered for three years and still become wealthy overnight.  Here’s your chance.

There are only the two caveats to consider before following Brian’s 10 Rules. Will you be able to sleep at night?  When you look into the mirror ten years from now, having accumulated great wealth and living in the lap of luxury, will you be proud of who you see?  Only you can answer these questions.  It doesn’t matter what Brian, or I, thinks.

Real Life Telephone Call

Ring. . . ring . . . ring.

SHG:  Hello.

Caller:  Car service?

SHG: You have the wrong number.

Caller:  What number is this?

SHG:  It doesn’t matter.  It’s the wrong number.

Caller: Listen, I need a car now, it’s really important. (epithets omitted)

SHG:  That may be, but it’s not a car service.

Caller:  I’m not screwing with you.  I need a car now. (epithets omitted again)

SHG: Oh, you want car service?

Caller:  Yeah.

SHG:  Okay, where you at?

Caller:  168 and St. Nick.

SHG:  Ten minutes.

Caller:  Cool . . . (click)

I don’t know what comes over me.

Big Pictures and Mouse-Milking

Former Chief Judge of the Southern District of New York, Charles Brieant, used this great phrase, “mouse-milking,” long before it made its way into the urban lexicon.  With his goofy mustache and big smile, he would look down from the bench and suggest that we let go of a point we tried so strenuously to make for this reason.  We were mouse-milking.

Lawyers can’t seem to stop themselves from mouse-milking.  We will fight to the death over the most trivial of points, de minimus non curat lex notwithstanding.  Lawyers get hung up on minute details, giving rise to the well-founded allegation that we can’t see the forest through the trees. 

This has proven to be the case with the Second Amendment issue arising from the Plaxico Burress case.  The most prominent challenger to the its advocates, Doug Berman at Sentencing Law & Policy, who has long been watching whether the Heller decision will filter through the law to the point where it matters, and wondering whether the forces behind it will show up to pursue their agenda when the real fights happen in the trenches. 

Comments to Doug’s posts are replete with mouse-milking, nipping at the fringes of the facts of the case (Plax never applied for a NYC carry permit, for example) or the Heller decision (incorporation), ignoring the big picture.  If the right to keep and bear arms is a fundamental individual right, and it is because Justice Scalia said so, then it must be given meaning in real life.  Fundamental rights are not limitless, perhaps (and this is subject to dispute, past Supreme Court decisions notwithstanding), but we either have rights or don’t.  A right, subject to a bunch of caveats, conditions, provisos, exceptions and limitations, that produce the result of having no right at all, isn’t a right. 

While I am no particular fan of the notion of people walking around the city with a gun in the waistband, despite the social utility that its advocates claim, I am a big fan of the Constitution.  Indeed, I’ve been known to complain from time to time about how the Fourth Amendment has so many exceptions that the rule exists in theory only, there being essentially no practical protection left.  That’s what happens when the mouse-milkers take over. 

So given the long-fought battle over the definition and scope of the Second Amendment, this is where the fight between the forces favoring constitutional rights over the forces favoring Order should occur.  Constitutional rights are big.  Bigger than the trivial details raised by naysayers.  Forget about whether you, like me, don’t really care about the right to have a snub-nose, and think about whether our Courts should be supporting the rights reserved for the people against the government, or making up excuses for the government to undermine those rights.  It’s a big picture thing.

To that end, Doug responds to his commenters:



Let’s get precise here, gang, especially in light of the multiple charges brought back by the grand jury. Plaxico may well deserve punishment and certainly can be constitutionally punished for unjustified risks he created with a loaded gun in the bar, and that’s what the charged crime of reckless endangerment covers. Of course, this crime does not depend on gun possession — he might have had a (sharp-edged) pocket bible and US constitution in his sweatpants and, if he started throwing them around the bar to ward off imagined foes, perhaps he could have been guilty of reckless endangerment under NY law.

But Plaxico could not be constitutionally punished at all simply for possessing a (sharp-edged) pocket bible and US constitution in a NYC bar, and I think we would all be aghast if he was facing 3-1/2 years to 15 years in prison for two counts of possessing these constitutionally protected items. Now, in the wake of Heller declaration that a gun is a constitutionally protected item under the Second Amendment, I ask whether and why we should not be greatly troubled by subjecting Plax to 3.5 or more years in prison simply for possessing this item.

As lawyers, we need to stop all the mouse-milking and start looking at the big picture when it comes to constitutional rights.  If we get dragged down by the details, the trivia, we miss the fundamental points.  Our constitutional rights should not be parsed to death, dissected, rationalized to the point of meaninglessness.  Even when it’s a right that some of us don’t feel that we particularly favor.  Even when it’s a right that some of us would rather do without.

It’s time to put aside our lawyerly compulsion to focus on the trivial and fight it out to the death, and speak in unison in favor of the robust recognition and protection of the few constitutional rights we possess.  It’s time we stop accepting that the Bill of Rights, since its enactment, has been the target of a thousand limiting arguments.  Rarely do we get a Heller, an expansion of rights, long since limited, toward its original breadth. 

And when we’ve finally stood up for rights under the Second Amendment, and our judges have finally chosen to protect and defend the Constitution rather than circumvent it, maybe we can work on the Fourth Amendment next?

I add the following just for fun.  The above-quoted comment from Doug concludes this paragraph:


If I were representing Plax, I would contest the gun possession counts on constitutional grounds and then perhaps agree to a deal with a plea to reckless endagerment (sic). This would seem like a sensible resolution on these fact, and one that I think any and all Second Amendment fans should be urging
Somehow, I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s not going to be quite that easy.  But I’m sure that if the District Attorney is willing to accept a plea to misdemeanor Reckless Endangerment and let go of the gun felonies, both Brafman and Burress would give it their most serious consideration. 

The Vernacular of The Lawyer

It’s more than a week and half into the trial of Bob Simels, a well-known and well-regarded New York criminal defense lawyer who was recorded by a snitch talking about neutralizing and killing witnesses.  Simels was a tough-guy lawyer, and his defense is that it takes a tough-talking man to stand up to the government.  No argument there.

To that end, Simels took the stand to offer his explanation for his conversations is that these are the types of words criminal defense lawyers use.  From the NYLJ :


Mr. Simels, appearing calm and deliberate and looking directly at the jurors throughout his testimony, said that when he talked of the need to “neutralize” or “kill” a witness, as repeatedly heard on tapes of secretly recorded conversations played by the prosecution, he was not suggesting an intent to do harm, but rather to discredit the witnesses’ testimony.

“I use [those terms] all the time, and lawyers use them all the time,” Mr. Simels said. “It’s part of the vernacular of being a lawyer.”

Simels claimed that in his effort to investigate and develop evidence on behalf of his client, he tried to “play” the snitch, who he understood to be nothing more than a witness, to get him to talk, provide information, assist the defense in gathering as much as possible to match the government.  Most outsiders don’t realize how little information and discovery the defense receives from the government, and how the defense goes into battle essentially blind, unless the defense lawyer can develop his own sources of information and evidence.  The government, and the courts consider it unduly prejudicial to give the defense a fighting chance.

Simels’ lawyer, Gerald Shargel, sought to bolster the defendant’s testimony by calling Tony Ricco as an expert witness.  Tony, another highly regarded criminal defense lawyer, was put on the stand to testify as to the ethical requirements and limits of a criminal defense lawyer.


Though he did not discuss such a tact specifically, Mr. Ricco told the jury, “There’s nothing wrong with talking with witnesses and potential witnesses about anything. The bottom line is, what the lawyer ultimately decides to put in the courtroom…must be within the bounds of the law.”

Mr. Ricco proved an unusually candid expert witness. In an animated, hour-long back and forth with Assistant U.S. Attorney Morris J. Fodeman, Mr. Ricco frequently agreed with Mr. Fodeman, on occasion even emphatically expanding on Mr. Fodeman’s points—such as the rationale behind the prohibition of payments to witnesses.

When Mr. Fodeman asked Mr Ricco “how does Tony Ricco react?” to a witness’ suggestion that “an act of violence” might benefit the client, Mr. Ricco took a rare pause, then said, “The answer is that you’d dissuade somebody from doing that, but it depends on the circumstances.”

Mr. Ricco then added, “A lot of people say a lot of things,” for a lot of different reasons.

The irony here is that undercover government agents are given vast latitude to say, and suggest, all manner of criminal acts in order to induce their target to say incriminating things.  The government knows all too well what it takes to get people to open up, to believe, to speak the words it wants to hear.  Yet it prosecutes a criminal defense lawyer for taking his turn.

But is this really the “vernacular” of the criminal defense lawyer?  I dunno.  It’s not exactly the way I speak with witnesses, but then it’s not entirely off base to suggest that we don’t talk in terms of killing a witness on cross or neutralizing a witnesses testimony.  Then again, what difference does it make whether I, or any other criminal defense lawyer, uses the same language as Bob Simels?  It’s not like there’s a class in law school about how to talk tough to witnesses, or a disciplinary rule limiting the hyperbolic descriptions permitted.  Each of uses the language, the words, that we feel are appropriate to express whatever it is we are trying to say.  Sometimes, the words sound very wrong when taken out of context.  Sometimes, the words sound very wrong in context. 

Of course, using words like “kill” and “neutralize” can also mean that harm is intended, especially when accompanied by caveats like don’t harm the woman.  But Bob Simels says that’s not what he meant.


“I didn’t think I was sanctioning harm; I didn’t think I was suggesting harm,” Simels said, adding that he “never” intended to bribe witnesses or persuade them to lie.

Instead, Simels said, he was merely “flattering” the informant Selwyn Vaughn, a former associate of Khan’s, who had volunteered to track down witnesses.

This doesn’t mean that Simels wasn’t out on the ledge in the way he conducted himself.  He’s often been considered a bit extreme, whether in scoring the case or in its handling.


Simels’ considerable ego was on display for the jury when he recalled besting a gaggle of lawyers competing for the job of representing Khan – a process known as a “beauty contest” – and mentioned he was featured in a book on lawyering because he was one of the best cross-examiners in the country.
Then again, no successful criminal defense lawyer lacks in ego.  It’s a requisite for doing this job and staring down the might of the United States government.

I’ve tried to avoid posting about the trial as it’s progressed, largely because trials aren’t baseball games, with sides scoring runs inning by inning.  No perspective can be gained in the middle, aside from some particularly notable evidence or testimony coming out.  But the “vernacular” defense implicated the criminal defense bar as a whole, and raised a larger question than whether Bob Simels intended harm when he talked tough to the snitch.

This isn’t my vernacular, but then there’s no reason why Bob Simels shouldn’t be able to use whatever vernacular he finds most effective in performing his function.  He doesn’t need to do it my way.  Or your way. 

H/T The Blind Guy

Everyone is Not Entitled to an Opinion

During a momentary lapse of judgment, I listened to CNN yesterday and heard President Obama exclaim that Americans must be the “best-educated, highest-skilled workers in the world.”  This caused me to immediately think of Tatiana von Tauber’s post at Randazza’s Legal Satyricon.

Seems the international mind is interested in what’s really going on around the world – those issues which truly affect freedom, government and society.  America seems more interested in Annie Liebovitz, sex scandals of politicians and the Bible.  Once again, a firm reminder I’m not in Germany anymore. If I sing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, will that change? Even the U.S. edition of CNN is very different than the international one I used to watch and since coming back to the states I find the news too Hollywood hyped for the kind of information I’m used to getting.

Strong words from someone with a last name like von Tauber, ridiculing American concerns, interests and, yes, ultimately intelligence.  Ah, how those Europeans so enjoy making fun of the average American, the very ones who our President says must be the “best educated” in the world if we are to complete.

Is Tatiana entitled to her opinion?  Exhibit 1, a British CNN segment:

They say that everyone is entitled to an opinion.  I’ve never subscribed to that belief.  In order to have an opinion, at least on a matter more significant than whether one prefers chocolate over vanilla, one has to have some basis for it.

Writing this blawg has been quite a learning experience for me.  The strength with which people hold opinions is quite remarkable, but the foundation upon which those opinions are built is sometimes so fundamentally lacking as to be deeply disturbing.  The part of the video that I found most troubling, most inexcusable, is that man who would appear to be in his 60s who lacked any knowledge about World War II.  Even if he lacked any education whatsoever, it seems impossible that he wouldn’t know how many World Wars we’ve endured.

These appear to be perfectly nice, normal, quite ordinary Americans.  No doubt each one believes they know what’s wrong with America, and what needs to be done to fix it.  No doubt each has an opinion.  These are the people that our President says must be the “best educated” in the world.  That’s going to require some heavy work. I wonder how many read newspapers, or even watch television news?  Do they read blogs?  Do they write comments telling others how wrong they are on subject of national importance?

I wonder how many of these people exercise the franchise?  Are they capable of assessing the best leadership for this country?

This doesn’t prove, as the voiceover suggests, that Americans are any worse than people anywhere else.  They may well be, but this segment offers neither context nor comparison, and is hardly scientific.  But we can’t forget that these are Americans, and we can’t assume that whoever we meet, befriend, work with, talk to, can name a country with a name beginning with “U”.  Keep this in mind when you read the comments here and elsewhere. The strength with which some expresses their opinion is not evidence that they are entitled to hold an opinion at all.

Tatiana has earned her opinion.  Most people who read SJ have earned theirs.  But not everyone.  And certainly not every American is entitled to an opinion.  Even if they appear to be perfectly nice, normal, quite ordinary Americans.

I do not believe that Americans are stupid.  But it’s unacceptable that many are so ignorant.

Eric Holder’s Awesome Solution

Aside from the lack of relevance of anything the ABA does to anything lawyers do, not to mention its desperation to find people willing to put on freebie programs that it will wallow in the gutter to muddle together enough of a schedule to pretend it’s worth a few days off for those lawyers who love committees, titles, and the great majesty of being able to tell other lawyers that they are important ABA-type lawyers, there was the Attorney General of the United States of America to give a speech.

And what a speech it was. 

It was rather long.  It was somewhat inspirational.  Not Obama-quality inspirational, but second-stringer inspirational.  And it hit the magic words.  To sum it up, while we must still be tough on crime, we must also be smart on crime.  See how he got both tough and smart in there?  Then he said, he’s going to “conduct a comprehensive, evidence-based review of federal sentencing and corrections policy.”  Who doesn’t love comprehensive, evidenced-based stuff?  I certainly do.

See?  I told you it was inspirational.

But I am here to bury Caesar, not to praise him.  It’s not just that I loathe the political resort to studies and committees in the face of generations-old problems, but I similarly have a problem with the guy whose finger is on the button claiming that he needs someone else’s approval to push.

So Eric (may I call you “Eric”, now that we’re all simpatico?), here’s my issue.  There are a whole bunch of kid prosecutors who work for you and are busy prosecuting tenuous case and demanding lengthy prison sentences for people for whom there’s just no real need for imprisonment.  You know it.  You said so.  So why not send a memo down the line to all those youngsters to just stop doing it? 

I’ll even help (since we’re on a first-name basis now):


To:  All United States Attorneys and Assistant United States Attorneys
From:  Eric Holder, The Boss
Re: Smart on Crime

From now on, it will be the policy of the United States Department of Justice to be smart.  Anything short of smart will be frowned upon.  This means that you should assess every case, every defendant, to determine whether we the crime alleged is really that big a deal that we need to make a federal case of it.  Or even whether it’s a crime at all.

And even if you decide that the defendant really needs prosecuting, decide whether putting the person in prison is worth it.  Think of it this way; Would it be important enough to imprison the defendant that you would be willing to take a salary but to do so?  After all, the American people, in effect, take a hit every time we put someone into prison, so it better be worth it.

And I’ve got another nit to pick with you, Eric.  You’re only talking here about the guilty.  What about the shenanigans being played to nail the suckers.  You know, the Ted Stevens-type stuff that’s going around your office.  I realize that you don’t want to acknowledge the ugliness, but you’re leaving a big part of the problem out of the picture.  In the effort to save trees (or bytes, as the case may be), why not get it out of the way as long as you’re already sending a memo.  Here’s what you might add:


And while we’re trying to whittle down the prison population, let’s start to consider the possibility that not everything out of an agent’s mouth is gospel.  I know, they are fine, upstanding Americans, but sometimes they, well, fudge the details a bit.  I want you to start considering the possibility that some of the more ridiculous stuff isn’t exactly 110% true.  Especially when there is videotape showing that the things the agent said happened didn’t.  It really looks bad for us.

Since you’re on a roll, let’s take this baby home, Eric.  This will make a great closer.


Speaking of videotapes, there are way too many showing police officers and agents doing some really bad things to people.  Not just lying about what happened, but cracking skulls and such.  We’re a little late on the uptake here, and people are beginning to realize that every time we put out a press release claiming that they are conducting themselves in accordance with proper policy, or were justified in tasing someone because they were threatened by extremely mean looks, people are beginning to think we’re a little loopy.  I don’t want to look loopy.  I want to look presidential attorney generalish. 

Accordingly, it shall henceforth by the policy of the Department of Justice to prosecute all law enforcement officers to the fullest extent of the law, provided however that none of them should ever go to prison.  We’ve just got way too many people there already.
There you have it, Eric.  Just copy and paste this sucker and send it right down the line.  By the end of the week, we should have this whole problem straightened out, save the country a fortune, return the DOJ to a position of trust and integrity, and make you the smartest guy on crime I know.  Sure, some malcontents like Brian Tannebaum will probably still find something to complain about,  but who cares? 

After all, you’re the Attorney General of the United States of America.  You can do something about these problems any time you want.

Killer Keller and the Twinkie Defense

It’s not easy to mount a criminal defense.  And it’s not easy to be Texas Court of Criminal Appeals Judge Sharon Keller, excoriated across the country for slamming the courthouse doors shut to make sure an execution proceeds.  As her trial is about to begin, her defense attorney has decided to announce his strategy in advance


Judge Sharon Keller, facing potentially career-ending charges that she improperly closed her court to a death row appeal, will argue that defense lawyers fabricated — or at least exaggerated — computer problems the day Texas executed Michael Richard.

Keller’s new accusation is an attack on the credibility of Richard’s lawyers, three of whom are expected to be called as witnesses when her special trial convenes Aug. 17 in San Antonio.

The attack, a recent addition to Keller’s defense strategy, also seeks to undermine the narrative that has emerged against the judge: that she refused a reasonable request to keep the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals open past 5 p.m., penalizing Richard for events outside his control — computer breakdowns experienced by his lawyers.

“Judge Keller’s position will be that there was no computer problem,” said her lawyer, Chip Babcock. “There will be testimony that (Richard’s lawyers) — maybe — had e-mail problems for a few minutes in the afternoon.”

Now I wouldn’t want to suggest that I know better than Chip (or Muffy, for that matter), but I don’t think this is much of a strategy.  The best I can make out of the nexus between the truth of the defense lawyer’s computer problems and Keller’s door slamming is the “no harm, no foul” rule.  Essentially, she’s saying, “Yeah, so I shut the doors at 5 to make sure Richard fried.  Big deal, it’s not like they deserved a chance since they were full of it anyway.” 

This seems awfully weak to me.  It doesn’t excuse Keller’s conduct, but merely argues that Richard’s lawyers at Texas Defender Services were wrong as well.  It’s not like she’s claiming she knew they were full of it about the computer problems when she ordered the doors be closed, and made a decision based upon their purported deceptive claims to deny their application via the closed door method.

Of course, it bears noting that she can’t offer any real support for her claim either.  Computer problems come in all sorts of flavors, as anyone who has ever pounded their fists on an uncooperative keyboard knows.  There is always the presumption of Irregularity, a special rule for defense lawyers where judges presume that anything they say is suspect, designed to deceive the court and hence deemed incredible unless and until proven otherwise, usually by scientific proof or papal decree (the latter be much harder to obtain than the former).  This is contrasted with the presumption as applied to youthful prosecutors, who have never been known to say anything inaccurate, no less deceitful.

Now I’m not the first to arrive at the conclusion that Chip’s defense sucks.

“The issue of whether there were or were not computer problems is completely irrelevant to the charges made against Judge Keller,” Manne said. Richard’s briefs “could’ve been late because of computer problems, which is in fact the case, or 101 other problems. But did she act properly when asked? That’s the issue at trial.”

But since Manne is from Texas Defender Services, his analysis must be presumed wrong.  Accordingly, the Chipster responds:


Babcock said the computer issue matters because the “myth of the computer problem” skewed media coverage of the Richard case. “A lot of the coverage spins out a story that isn’t true,” he said.
This may surprise a lot of people, but the real issue in Killer Keller’s trial isn’t her conduct as being a forceful conduit for the fine people of Texas who expect, no demand, regular executions.  It’s a PR problem.  If only those darn reporters would stick to the real story, that criminal defense lawyers are lying scum and Sharon Keller put a stop to their attempt to lie their way into scuttling a perfectly good execution.

But don’t weep for the trauma Sharon Keller is going through at the hands of scoundrel lawyers and the liberal MSM.  If things go south for her and she’s forced off the bench in disgrace, there’s always the possibility of her getting a gig on cable TV doing small claims cases.  I bet there’s even a role for Chip in there somewhere.