It’s bad enough that the only voice you can get on the phone when you have a problem is one that speaks broken English in a thick accent.  You know they have a script, and that they can’t do anything that’s not on the script.  You know they are going to mouth the words that they are very sorry for your problem, and then read the portion of the script that explains why it isn’t their fault.  If there is no script for that particular problem, then they are going to say that it’s their policy not to be able to do anything to help.  And they will close by asking if there is anything else they can do for you.  Else?

It’s not the nature of capitalism to need to teach people a lesson, it’s the nature of being a human, we just blame it on capitalism. In fact, smart marketers understand that the word ‘right’ in “The customer is always right” doesn’t mean that they’d win in court or a debate. It means, “If you want the customer to remain a customer, you need to permit him to believe he’s right.”

If someone thinks they’re unhappy, then you know what? They are.

If it was an option, I wouldn’t buy anything from anyone.  I wouldn’t use anyone’s services.  It would save me from dialing the 800 number of death.  But given my limited skillset, I need to buy things.  Despite the wind blowing in my face, I spit when something goes wrong. 

My personal preference is to get an honest response.  I’m a sucker for truth.  When the customer service rep tells me that they get a ton of calls because their product sucks, or it’s their company policy to gouge the customer at every turn, I can appreciate that.  I don’t like it, but at least my question is answered. 

But when I contact a small business, where the actual owner, or maybe the owner’s husband, gets on the phone, there’s no company policy to hide behind.  These are the ones who take problems personally, and are most inclined to argue the point.  As Seth points out, however, it’s really not an argument at all.  They want to prove to me that they didn’t do anything wrong.  I still have a problem. 

Sometimes, the owner will walk me through a process which, by its end, will show me where I went wrong.  This is not done to prove that they’re right and I’m wrong, but to resolve my problem by educating me.  Sometimes I am wrong, and by doing it right the product or service issue can be corrected.  That’s all I want.

But more often, the reaction is defensiveness, telling me that I don’t have a valid issue or that my problem simply can’t be.  There’s nothing more absurd than my sitting by the phone, broken widget in hand, being told that the widget can’t break.  If it’s a one shot purchase and they want to guarantee that I will never do business with them again, this tactic is perfect.  Of course, they also guarantee that I will let anyone I speak with, who might be interested in their widget, not to buy from them.  If it’s valuable enough, I might sue them.  If it’s socially important, I might write about it.  If they piss me off enough, I might do both. 

But I won’t buy from them again.  They’re right and I’m gone. Cause and effect.

After a conversation yesterday with a Cablevision CSR about the charge on my bill for a cable box that I never wanted but that they insisted I take unless I was prepared to forego receiving the channels I was otherwise paying for, I wondered whether the cost of acquisition of a customer was worth the cost of retention.  The price involved was $6.75, not enough to go through hoops but, in conjunction with the other aspects of Cablevision that make the hate personal, enough to make me call Verizon FIOS.  They already drove me to FIOS for my internet connection, and cable TV was their last foothold in my house.

The fellow on the phone told me that no way, no how, was Cablevision going to give me the box for free, or give me all the channels I was paying for without the box.  I asked whether it was worth it to Cablevision to lose me as a customer.  He told me it was. 

In a couple of weeks, I’ll get a call from a salesperson for Cablevision begging me to “come back.”  This will happen too late to matter, since by then I will be happily ensconced in the FIOS family plan.  They should know this, but still they will offer me some deal that will give me far more than I sought during my call yesterday.  I will tell them that it’s a shame they didn’t offer me the deal before I left them.

Why, if you want me to purchase your goods or services, if you advertise, if you run promotions, if you solicit my business, would you want to make me hate you by proving you’re right when I have a problem?  Yet so many do.