Remember the thrill, the amazement of The Sting?  Well, Fox’s new drama, Lone Star, premiering next Monday, is no Sting. 

But first, the burning question of what I’m doing writing a review of a TV show, and especially a show that has yet to air.  For reasons unclear to me, I’ve was asked by something called Klout if I wanted to do this, and I figured, why not?  The worst that could come of it was that I had to watch a TV show, and I’m tough enough for that.

So I was offered the choice to go to a premier or have the premier come to me.  I picked that latter, for which I received a DVD preview of the TV show, a bucket of popcorn and a bag full of Lone Star stuff.  Cool, right?  The popcorn was stale, but it was a gift horse.  Klout requires that I add in its ethical disclaimer:

Given a Klout Perk

I was given a free product or sample because I’m a Klout influencer. I was under no obligation to receive the sample or talk about this company. I get no additional benefits for talking about the product or company.

Obviously, no one at Klout has read my reviews before, or they would have known that a freebe isn’t buying anybody a good one here.  That said, getting a box with free popcorn and premiums was great, and I plan to watch as many TV shows as Klout plans to send me.  I might also be persuaded to drive some high end cars, if you Klout guys catch my drift.

Getting back to the show, the premise is con man with a conscience, because prostitute with a conscience hasn’t been done to death.  The star of the show, James Wolk, is, I was informed, “adorable”, meaning that if you’re inclined to watch a show because there’s an adorable guy in the lead, maybe this is for you.  I tend not to be as big a fan of adorable as some others, and so I found myself constrained by plot.  Here’s how Fox describes it:

ROBERT/BOB ALLEN (James Wolk) is a charismatic and brilliant schemer who has meticulously constructed two lives in two different parts of the state. He’s juggling two identities and two women in two very different worlds – all under one mountain of lies.

As “Bob,” he lives in Houston and is married to CAT (Adrianne Palicki), the beautiful daughter of CLINT THATCHER (Jon Voight), the patriarch of an ultra-wealthy Texas oil family. More than 400 miles away in the suburban west Texas town of Midland, he’s “Robert,” living a second life with his sweet, naive girlfriend, LINDSAY HOLLOWAY (Eloise Mumford). There he plays the perfect boyfriend while secretly bilking local investors of their savings. While in Houston, he’s a devoted husband, charming Cat and her family to cement his position in the rich family business he aims to clean out.

Bob has lived both lives successfully for years without arousing any suspicions..so far. While one brother-in-law, DREW THATCHER (Bryce Johnson), admires Bob, while his other brother-in-law, TRAMMELL THATCHER (Mark Deklin), is growing suspicious of his motives, and along with his wife, BLAKE (guest star Rosa Blasi), threatens to expose Bob. In this world of cons, everyone has ulterior motives. ALEX (guest star Andie MacDowell), a sharp, sexy, sophisticated East Coast transplant has her eye on only one prize: Clint. Eager to stake her claim, she will do and say anything to get what she wants.

With the cons closing in on him, Bob begins to fear his secret lives may unravel as he becomes divided by his love for two women; his loyalty to his father and mentor, JOHN (David Keith); and his respect for his father-in-law, Clint. Now as he tries to hold his two lives together, while fending off angry investors and the growing suspicions of those around him, Bob puts it all on the line hoping he can beat the odds, leave the schemes behind and keep two separate relationships afloat.

That’s how they want the show to come off.  Putting aside the silliness of any con man spending years (years?) successfully moving between two fictitious lives, especially without any particular con involved, the set up fails when the hero realizes that he loves his fake wife and his fake girlfriend, not to mention their families, friends, neighbors, postmen, dogs, whatever.  He has a heart of gold, which is good since he so adorable.

The funniest part of the story is when helicopter con man daddy tells his son that he’s the greatest con man ever, making this the perfect metaphor for the Slackoisie, as the adorable kid does nothing but smile and have sex with his beloved wimmenfolk, no actual con in sight, and still the old man tells him how wonderful he is.  It made me wish they put Cheetos in the Klout goody bag (and by the way, Klout people, the beer nuts and Godiva chocolate were missing). It was a touching scene, especially when we could see the puppy dog look on Wolk’s face showing how badly he needed approval.  Except, of course, for the total absence of a point to the con.

But then, what’s the point of the show?  As it becomes clear, it’s about his concealing lies while trying to turn legit with everybody.  At one point, he’s confronted by his brother in law with a lie he had used while switching from wife to girlfriend.  Uh oh!  Caught! Nabbed!  Found out!  But wait, despite the weirdly naive, dopey look in his eye, he pulls another lie out of his butt and not only squeezes out of the trap, but does to in a way that makes him even more wonderful and adorable to all involved.  As for the confidence game, well, there is none. 

It’s a one trick pony.  He winds his way between his two lives, getting caught in lies and wiggling out again, all the while being, well, adorable.  Sure, we can never be sure if he’s being sincere or lying through his teeth, except when he’s talking to his real father, the unrepetent con man without a heart of gold or a conscience, who snarls at his son’s desire to have a real life with his real wife.   And his real girlfriend. 

If you enjoy obvious tension, and as much female nudity as Fox is allowed to show, together with gratuitous displays of superficial emotion that happen with sufficient frequency to allow any man to grab a beer or go to the loo, then perhaps Lone Star is your cup of tea.  As for me, I plan to enjoy my stale popcorn while wearing my Lone Star tee-shirt while watching Dr. House, and then changing channels after hearing those famous last words (wait for it): “That’s one bad hat, Harry.”

Thanks for the nosh, Klout, even though there were no beer nuts or chocolate in there.  If you send me a car next time, please make sure you don’t forget the tires.